


Sam's First Love

by JAYJEN11



Series: The Story Behind the Story [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Boys Kissing, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Oral Sex, Phone Sex, Porn With Plot, Pre-Series, Rimming, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2015-12-16
Packaged: 2018-04-20 13:12:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 61,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4788461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JAYJEN11/pseuds/JAYJEN11
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean was Sam's superhero, his protector, he taught him everything. It only made sense Sam loved him but then he thinks he fell in love with him and Dean had taught him everything else so why not this too? This is not a love story. This is real life and sometimes real life sux.</p><p>Not a fan of the name as misleading a little but too late now</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

So this was life now. A man and his two sons living in a hotel room. After the fire he had gone to relatives while he tried to get his life back on track, make decisions, deal with the legal things that were associated with a house fire and your wife dying but after visiting Missouri the psychic and learning all he had learned he needed revenge.

His family wanted to keep the boys, look after them, could see he wasn’t quite sane after losing Mary but he needed them. He needed his sons with him, they were his blood, they were all he had left.

Naively he had thought it would be a fast and ferocious battle. He had hate and revenge in his bones. He would find this thing, this demon Missouri called it, and kill it. Only now, sitting in a cheap and dingy hotel room did he realise the long and bloody battle he had stepped into.

He looked at his two boys asleep next to each other and wondered if he had made the right decision. Especially Sam. He was not even a year old. Maybe he should have left him with someone, now he slept in a cot leant to him by the motel and Dean had it pushed right up close to his bed and his hand was holding Sammy’s through the slats. They were both asleep and John sighed as he realised the road he had taken them down.

He had met with other hunters, heard stories, learned what was out there, and learned how to hunt and how to research. He had been so ignorant of this parallel world of monsters and demons and good and bad and he had seen pity and regret and sadness in hunters’ eyes when they realised they were talking to someone new to this life. No one voluntarily chose this life, they were dragged in by pain, suffering and loss.

***

 

Dean became Sam’s mother, father, protector and carer. He was all Sam needed and Sam adored and idolised him from the minute he could walk and talk. Dean was the human factor in Sam’s life. John was their drill sergeant.

John only ever had to worry about where Dean was because wherever he was Sam was.  If Dean was watching tv Sam was curled up next to him. If Dean was cooking dinner Sam was sitting at the table watching and if Dean was asleep in bed Sam was curled around him, hand resting against his chest as if to ensure he was still there; Sam didn’t have a security blanket or a stuffed toy, they had burned in the fire, but he had Dean and to him that was as a walking and talking security blanket. Twenty four hours a day Sam and Dean were together. As soon as Sam was old enough to lose the cot John had all three of them living in one hotel room, the boys in one bed he in the other. Not only did it save money but it kept them all together so he could keep them safe.

They didn’t have much in life. Nearly everything they owned burned in the house and the small amount of things they accumulated now had to fit into the back seat and trunk of the car and the trunk was half full with hunting gear.

At first John had tried to keep them in one place, Sam was a baby and Dean only a toddler so he had looked after them to the best of his abilities while he studied and learned and researched the life of a hunter and what might be out there in the dark waiting to kill and curse and torture and possess. During the day he worked as a mechanic and at night he hit the books, the library, the internet or a local bar.

He knew the kids had missed out on the love and comfort and softness of having a mother present. He only realised after Mary had gone, and he tried to create a proper life, all the little nuances she would just do. Laundry powder wasn’t just laundry powder he found out after Sam got a rash and the clothes never felt quite the same until an obliging hotel manager introduced him to fabric softener. The kids had hugged and sniffed their clothes for a week after she washed them but in their line of work fabric softener was a luxury.

Two in one shampoo and conditioner seemed a cheap and convenient solution to hair cleanliness and worked until Sam’s hair started getting longer and he refused to cut it. Even at four and five the kid knew he didn’t want a buzz cut like Dean and his father and then one day John realised he was using real shampoo and conditioner, obviously bought by Dean to try and tame Sam’s hair.

John would teach Sam to fight. Dean would teach Sam how to be human and it was up to his teachers to educate him on everything else.

Even now John can hear Den telling Sam things like…

“No Sam you use a tissue, not your sleeve.”

“Always use your knife and fork Sammy not your hands, unless it’s pizza or a burger.”

“Sam you don’t pick your nose in front of people that’s disgusting…eeww, gross Sam don’t wipe it on me.”

“Brush your hair Sammy and wear nice clothes when we go out you don’t want people thinking we’re homeless do you?”

John didn’t know where Dean learned these things to pass them onto Sam but he always remembered Sam looking at Dean wide eyed and nodding and never doing again what he had been reprimanded for. He had good kids that were raising themselves right because he for sure wasn’t raising them.

All he was managing to do between researching and hunting was making sure the hotel room was paid for and there was food in the cupboard and even that was taken care of by Dean once he hit ten.

Even now John regrets how fast Dean had to grow up and how much responsibility he put on him. He treated Dean not only like an adult but like an adult who had the responsibility of a kid.  He wonders if he should have left the boys with family so they could have had a stable house, school, little league, friends, just been kids; but he needed their warmth and humanity with him at a time when he had been spiralling and even when he was nose to nose with Sam as they screamed at each other while Dean tried to be the pacifist, he never regretted his decision…until the boys were old enough to hunt and get hurt or worse, then he regularly regretted the decision

 

***

From as early as he could remember Sam was being taught and trained in self-defence and attack methods and gun and knife training. The first lessons John taught them was how to protect each other and have each other’s backs. As he researched and learned things John would talk aloud to himself or talk to the boys about what the thing looked like, what it’s habits were, how it could be killed and then he’d spar with Dean and practice with Dean weapon play as Dean bulked up and got stocky. Sam never got that strength, that bulk, he just kept growing up and up into a long string bean with no muscles. That didn’t stop John from sparring with him and teaching him self-defence and he never held back no matter the age or size of Sam and it was Dean, being quicker and more agile, who never seemed to get hurt as much, so would patch Sammy up, or hold him and sooth him while he cried from getting scrapes or bruises while John cursed that he would get himself killed one day.

***

On the road the boys had grown up together in close confines. It was all Sam knew.

The only problem is that in one small motel room with one small bathroom there was very little or no room for privacy. Each of them had become pretty familiar with the sight of each other’s naked bodies, it was just how it had to be. If one was showering and one needed to go to the toilet there was no privacy and Sam was the worst barrelling in on anyone at any time if he had to pee, never closing the door behind him, letting everything of whoever was in the shower hang out there for the world to see.

Also Sam and Dean had shared a bed from as early as Sam could remember and often John would come back to the room late at night to find Sam wrapped around Dean like a pretzel. Some part of their bodies was always touching, as if ensuring the other was still there. If Dean got up in the middle of the night Sam would whine and shift around the bed in his sleep until Dean came back. Dean would then put Sam’s hand on his chest and they would both fall back into a peaceful sleep. But if Sam was having a nightmare or crying Dean would know and without really waking would pull Sam into his side, tuck his head into his shoulder and drop kisses on his forehead until he settled and drifted back to sleep. At this young age John encouraged this bond, he knew nothing could happen to either of them if they were together like this

As the boys got older John had to take into consideration maybe it wasn’t the best idea for them to be sharing a bed together, Dean was hitting puberty and needed his own space as he got used to his body. After deliberating, knowing that this was not going to go down well with either of the boys, John made a decision and Sam found himself allocated to a fold out bed and finally, after months of crying and asking what he had done wrong he finally got used to it.

Both boys had been upset when the fold out bed was brought into the equation and felt it was some kind of punishment so John had to explain to Dean about biology and the changes that would occur in his body and then Dean had comforted Sammy without telling him the ‘gross bits’ as Dean put it. It had taken months of disrupted sleep by both boys before they finally got used to sleeping apart but even after Sam got used to the trundle bed, every now and then John would roll over to find Sam curled in against Dean, if there had been a storm or Sam had a nightmare.

Having two boys led to some interesting conversations in the motel rooms, especially since Sam was always so curious and never stopped asking questions and Dean was coming into puberty.

When Sam was nine he had walked in on Dean pulling his cock in the shower. He was smart at school, he understood the birds and the bees and they had learned about masturbation but Sam had never seen it up close and personal before and he found he was fascinated by it. It was only after Dean, at the easily embarrassed age of thirteen, told Sam he was going to punch him if he didn’t shut up and stop asking what Dean had been doing and why that Sam stopped talking and John sat him down and explained the rules of privacy now they were all growing up.

Finally, when Dean was sixteen and Sam was twelve John had to surrender to the knowledge that Sam in no way fit into the fold out beds anymore and had to book two motel rooms. He had assumed Sam would be with him so Dean could have some privacy but both boys protested that. They had been together twenty-four hours a day, even in their sleep, since Sam was born; it was even a bond John had encouraged for safety and protection, so now it was impossible to break the two of them up. John took one room and the boys took the other, everyone with their own full size bed.

***

The one advantage of moving from school to school to school was that there was no embarrassment and as long as you didn’t share the family secret, what their dad actually did, you could blurt out anything and to anyone because hey you’d be gone soon anyway. They didn’t really need to make friends because Sam and Dean had each other. Sam used the time to learn, Dean used the time to pick up chicks. Had John had the time and energy it probably would have made more sense to home school the boys but it was just easier to drop them off at the closest school and hey at least he knew they were relatively safe for seven hours a day. John could then go back to the room and sleep or research or patch himself up from whatever fight he had won or lost the night before not having to worry about the kids coming crashing in and Sam asking what happened and why and how and where and a million other questions until John told him to be quiet and go and do his homework.

School and homework and books were the one constant in Sam’s ever changing life. Even though they would be moving on and changing schools Sam would sit in the backseat of the car and do homework that was redundant because the next school would be teaching something different.

When Sam hit fourteen a friend he made at a school he was passing through asked if he was gay. Blushing and stammering he asked where that question had come from and the dude said Sam had a look about him and he always seemed to be clinging and touching the older Winchester and didn’t know the concept of personal space when the two brothers were together. Sam had laughed it off and denied being gay, even making some lewd comment about ‘pussy’ but he may have gone a little overboard.

That afternoon Sam went back to his friend’s house and found himself watching gay porn and also found himself with a hard on that was, for the first time, deliberately created and not just something he woke up with. His friend said he would happily take care of it but Sam grabbed his bag and ran back to the motel. He had finally found something that he didn’t think he could talk to Dean about, either because Dean would look at him and wonder or because Dean would kick that kid’s ass for saying that to Sam and upsetting him.

That night Dean had climbed into bed next to Sam and massaged his head as he asked him to talk about what happened, he could tell he was upset about something and asked Sam if he had been bullied or if someone had hurt him. Sam lay there breathing in the scent of his brother, listening to his heart beat and although it brought immediate calm to his body he started to think he was wrong for feeling like this. The rational part of his mind told him Dean was his brother and his only family he could rely on and they had shared beds forever but the fourteen year old hormonal part of his brain started getting a hard on and Sam freaked out again and pushed Dean out of bed telling him everything was fine.

Sam didn’t want go to school the next day which completely freaked Dean out since he NEVER missed school but that night their father showed up again and he never had to go back to that school again anyway.

At fifteen Sam had gone to a school party and got pretty drunk. He had both guys and girls hitting on him all night. He had never forgotten the conversation a year ago with that gay guy from that school and over the year Sam had done what he always did with anything hard, he researched, and came to the conclusion that yeah maybe he liked guys more than he should, because of how he reacted to Dean, but he liked girls as well so at worst he was bi, and he could accept that. He had still never talked to Dean about it, hadn’t talked anyone in the entire world about it, but yeah he decided he was bi.

Sam staggered back to the hotel room from the party with the world spinning and his hormones firing on all cylinders, yeah he was bi but he wasn’t going to hook up with just anyone, Dad and Dean had both given him sex talks and although he did want to do sex stuff he wasn’t quite sure how all of that worked yet. In his mind Dean hadn’t explained what went where and how so obviously he wasn’t ready since Dean taught him everything.

“Sam are you drunk?” Dean husked half asleep as he woke up, turned on the bed side light and squinted at him as he got used to it

“No, are you?” he giggled

“You are, you’re totally drunk, shh if dad hears he’ll kill you.” Dean hissed, fully awake now

“Not drunk.” Sam slurred adamantly before going to sit on the bed, missing completely and falling on the floor.

“Sam!” Dean yelped and jumped out of bed but Sam was killing himself laughing, “Shhh” Dean said and put his hand over Sam’s mouth to stop the loud peals coming from him

Sam stuck out his tongue and licked Dean’s palm where it was covering his mouth, “Eww gross dude” Dean said and pulled back his hand. Sam started laughing all over again and Dean put just one finger over his mouth to stop him, “Are you trying to get yourself killed?” he hissed

Sam didn’t say anything but he stopped laughing to suck Dean’s finger into his mouth.

“Sam what the fuck?” Dean yelped but Sam noticed he didn’t pull it out

“Dean I need you to show me stuff.” Sam whispered before rolling his tongue around Dean’s finger again

“Stuff?” Dean whispered but his eyes were focused on watching Sam’s mouth

“Yeah you know you’ve taught me everything else I need to you to teach me sex stuff.”

“What?”

“You’ve done it before right?”

“Yeah of course.” Dean was nineteen and a drifter and what the girls called a bad boy so there was never any shortage of girls throwing themselves at him behind sheds, in fields, in the back of cars or in bedrooms filled with stuffed teddies.

“So show me.”

“Ah you’re not a chick dude.”

“That’s ok I think I like guys too.”

“What? What the fuck! Sam are you trying to tell me you’re gay?” Dean yelped in shock.

“I don’t know, kiss me and we’ll find out.”

“You’re my brother.”

“So? You’ve taught me everything else.” He whined

And Dean didn’t have an answer. Sam’s tongue was still working around his finger and Dean’s cock was more interested in that then some of the more full on things girls had done to him in the past. His mouth was watering and he really wanted to lean down and taste those lips. He looked at Sam with his shining eyes, flushed cheeks and hair brushing against his brow, curling with the dampness of sweat. He leaned forward and his tongue ran over his own finger, tasting Sam’s saliva and brushing up against his brother’s lips and tongue as he continued moving around it

Sam then put his hand up, pulled out Dean’s finger and grabbed Dean’s head to hold him still and kiss him properly. His tongue plunged in and he licked the taste of his brother into his mouth. Dean’s hands involuntarily rose to slide into Sam’s hair as if to grip on and hold him in place. Sam pushed out a little whimper and leaned forward.

Dean’s head was spinning, although he was enjoying this clumsy, wet and hot kiss it was his brother that was giving it to him and before he could even register how his body was reacting he could hear keys jiggling at their room door. Their dad had been out also, which is how Sam managed to get away with going to the party but, although Dean thought he had come home earlier, hence telling Sam to be quiet, was obviously now home and doing the nightly bed check.

He pushed Sam away roughly, jumped up and dove back into bed.

“What?” Sam asked confused, the alcohol making him slow on the uptake.

“What the fuck was that Sam?” Dean hissed, “You are my brother! Who the fuck kisses their brother you sick bastard? I don’t even know you anymore you perverted fag, I feel sick.” Dean growled and even in his drunk state Sam heard the hatred and disgust.

John came in and asked what was going on. He took in Sam’s position, slumped on the floor at the bottom of his bed, eyes glassy and huge with shock at what Dean had said and cheeks flushed, only partially from alcohol, but John could see he was drunk

“That’s it Sam you’re in with me tonight.” John huffed

“Dad.” He whined

“No that’s it, the only way I can punish you is to separate you two.”

“It’s no punishment for me.” Dean muttered as he glared at Sam through slitted eyes.

“Sorry Dean. He’s gotta learn.”

“No I mean take him, I don’t care, I don’t want him here anyway.” Dean growled and rolled over, putting his back to Sam.

 

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Sam lay in the bed next to his father’s listening to him snore while tears ran down his face. He knew in his heart he loved Dean, he had always loved Dean. He knew it was wrong, he was his brother, but he couldn’t help that the adoration and worship he had felt when he was young had turned into something more. He was sick obviously, and couldn’t even look at Dean again after what had happened tonight. What was he going to do? As he lay there, slowly getting sober, he developed a plan in his head. It wasn’t a good one, it was a frantic and desperate one but right at this point there was nothing else Sam could do.

The next morning John woke Sam up, told him he and Dean were going to the local church and then the library and would be home sometime. Sam was in charge of cleaning the rooms and finding a laundry as punishment for his getting drunk. Sam had grunted an acknowledgment as he rolled over and looked at Dean. Dean couldn’t even look him in the eye and was looking at the faded carpet as he put a glass of water and some painkillers on the table next to Sam’s bed.

That day Sam did what he was told but did and planned some other things as well. That night he said he wanted to stay in his father’s room again, since the sheets were already dirty. John frowned. The boys had never spent more than a night apart and even then it was kicking and screaming the whole way. He could sense tension in the air between them and he asked if everything was ok, they both blushed and looked in other directions as they said everything was fine.

John thought he would give them one more night and if it was still like this tomorrow would sit them down and get to the bottom of it. They lived in close confines there were very few secrets between them. When someone pissed someone else off it was usually pretty obvious why and the flame of anger was fast and out of the way quickly. John couldn’t remember anything bad going down between them. He hadn’t seen Sam wearing any of Dean’s clothes or touching his gun or knife, he hadn’t seen Dean take any of Sam’s food or mess with his books and neither of them had been hurt in training due to not concentrating so he had no idea what had them out of sorts.

The sit down never happened. When John woke up the next morning Sam was gone as were his clothes, a credit card, a knife and a hand gun and bullets. There was a note telling him he would be fine and he would ring him when he got where he was going but don’t look for him.

No explanation, no reason why. John flew into Dean’s room… “Dean!” John shouted and Dean shot up in bed, pulling the knife out from under his pillow, “Put that thing away.”

“What’s going on?” he asked groggily as he wiped sleep out of his eyes

“Sam’s gone?”

“Gone where?”

“Gone, gone.”

“What?” Dean yelped in shock and jumped out of bed

“What the hell happened the other night?” John demanded

“Nothing.” Dean almost whined and looked down at the carpet

“Dean your brother took off in the middle of the night, safe to say something went down. Tell me what happened?”

“Nothing worth running away for.” Dean said but he could still hear the vile words he threw at his brother.

***

Sam made his way across the country. He hitchhiked, he used a card he had taken from his dad’s wallet and he had used the five finger discount when needed. If he didn’t want to risk getting a motel room he would sleep in abandoned houses or in the woods. He thought it would take a couple of days for John to realise which card was missing, after that he would just have to draw cash from the card and toss it so Dean couldn’t track his movements.

After two days out in the elements, wondering if he made the right decision and physically feeling sick not being around Dean he rang his dad’s cell from a public phone

“Hello?” Dean answered. Sam didn’t say anything. He was trying to decide whether to hang up or ask to speak to John when, “Sam? Sammy is that you? Sam say something, are you ok? Where are you? Sam I’m sorry I didn’t mean to say that…Sam please…can you just tell me where…” then Sam heard a car door opening and rustling “…hey dad I think it’s Sam.”

“Sam?”

“Hi dad.”

“Are you ok?”

“I’m fine”

“Where are you?”

“I’m fine dad I was just ringing to say you don’t have to worry about me.”

“Sam Winchester you tell me where you are right this minute. I am your father.”

“Dad I can’t, I just wanted to let you know I am ok, I’ll call again, bye.” Sam hung up the phone with tears running down his face. Yeah he missed his dad and he was scared being out here by himself but mostly he missed Dean. Dean had been his brother, his father, his mother, his protector and his rock and he loved him and missed him with every part of his being but Dean made it clear he was sick and perverted and Dean hated him.

 

“Singer!”

“Hey Bobby it’s John Winchester”

“What the fuck do you want?” he growled

“Look I’m sorry man, I know bad crap went down between us but I have a situation and I’m ringing everybody I know.”

“What?”

“My son’s taken off.”

‘”Dean?”

“No, Sam.”

“Sam! How old is that kid now?”

‘Sixteen.”

“And he just took off?”

“Yeah look man I’m just asking everyone to keep an eye out and if they see him to call me. I know you and I got shit to deal with but this is my son Bobby.”

“Yeah I’m hearing you John. Of course if I hear anything I’ll let you know.” Bobby sighed. He had liked Sam. Sam was smart and sensitive and in no way cut out for the hunter’s life. He had always assumed Sam would go to college as soon as he could but obviously he couldn’t wait that long.

Two days later Bobby answered the doorbell, surprised that anyone had got past his guard dog, to find Sam Winchester standing on his door. He was thin, his clothes were dirty, he had bags under his eyes and when he looked up at Bobby tears started welling

“Oh crap.” He muttered as he pulled the boy inside and into an awkward hug.

 

“Winchester” the phone was answered after the first ring

“It’s Singer. Sam’s here.”

“Thank God, look we’re heading to Buffalo do you think you can get him to us.”

“Here’s the thing the kid don’t wanna be with you two at the moment. He won’t tell me what went down but he said if I try to get him back to you he’s splitting again.”

“Bobby that’s my kid.”

“I get that John but would you rather him here with me, someone you know and he knows or do you want me to send him out onto the road again looking like crap.”

“Dad what’s going on? Is it Sammy?” Bobby could hear Dean ask in the back ground as a car door could be heard opening and closing

“John he don’t want Dean to know he’s here. I don’t know what the hell happened but its taken me hours to convince him he’s safe and he can stay. For your sake I think you should just shut up and let the kid stay here until this blows over. I know him and Dean, they were connected at the hip so I don’t think it’ll be long before he wants to get back to him. I’ll keep you updated and as soon as he says I’ll get him back to you. You and I have had issues but I like your kids’ man and Sam is a good kid. Better he be here with me then out wondering on his own.”

“Alright I hear you just keep me updated Bobby.”

***

Dean tossed and turned and had nightmares most nights now. All he could hear was the words coming out of his mouth hitting an in shock Sam.

He had got used to Sam next to him, if not in the same bed at least in the same room. He needed to hear Sam breathing, to know he was ok, to be able to sleep and months of silence in his room was like torture. He had tried sleeping in the same room as John but it wasn’t the same and he felt worse.

At first he had badgered John with questions… who had he called? Had anyone come back to him? Was he missing any credit cards? Had he rung the hospitals, the police, hell the morgue? At first John had seemed as anxious as him, Dean had listened to him on the phone begging hunters he had pissed off and never talked to anymore to keep an eye for his son then after a week, silence. John stopped looking, stopped phoning people and stopped talking about Sam. Dean was going slowly insane but after asking for about the thousandth time if he had heard anything John snapped, told him to shut up and that Sam was getting on with his life.

 

***

 

John and Dean pulled up late at night at Bobby’s. John knew Bobby had asked him to stay way and he had kept John up to date with how Sam was doing but Dean had not been the same since Sam left. There was the tossing and turning at night, the calling out his name and the nightmares.  He had lost weight, he hadn’t smiled yet alone laughed in months and John was pretty sure he was drinking more whiskey than he was at the moment. When they had a hunt Dean kept it together but the times in between saw him sink into a depressive mass who didn’t even shower or change clothes.

In the last six months Dean’s distracted mind had got him hurt and John almost hurt more times than in the last two years. This last hunt had Dean almost having his heart ripped out and John decided enough was enough. Dean had to at least see Sam to know he was ok.

“Hello boys.” Bobby said with resignation as he opened the front door. He had known John would show up here once he knew Sam was here and was actually surprised it took six months for him to do so. Dean looked back at him with a small smile, he was black and blue and bleeding and John was exhausted. “Head on up we’ll talk tomorrow.” Bobby said and nodded to the stairs, “You boys ok sharing a room?” Bobby asked but before he could direct Dean into the third room Dean flung open the door of the room he used to sleep in with Sam.

The room had been modified. One bed had been taken out, a desk had been set up and lying under the covers with just the top of his head and an arm showing was Sam.

Dean took two steps in and fell to his knees next to his brother, clasping the bed covers and almost pulling them off as he did so, waking the occupant

“De?” a sleepy voice asked in confusion

“I’m sorry Sam. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me, I’m so sorry.” Dean muttered as he brushed his little brother’s hair out of his eyes

“Damn it John.” Bobby growled from the door

“The boy needed to see his brother. We both needed this.”

“I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry.” Dean kept muttering, on his knees at his brother’s bed, tears cleaning the blood from his face without him realising.

Sam lay there bug eyed and looked to the door, “Dad?”

“Hiya Sammy.”

“What…”

‘We’ll talk in the morning, come on Dean.” John said and came in to tap his brother on the shoulder

“No I’m not leaving, I’m not leaving him.” Dean muttered

“Dean!”

“It’s ok dad I’ll patch him up.” Sam said as he slid out of bed

“Drink?” Bobby asked

“Won’t say no.” John sighed and they left the two boys in silence

Dean was injured so Sam pushed him down onto his bed and cleaned him and patched him up. His movements were brisk and methodical, he only touched Dean where he had to and didn’t even wipe him down, just handed Dean the damp cloth before getting bandages and plasters ready.

Dean missed the old Sam, the Sam that would clean him up, rub his fingers over his scars and bruises as he catalogued the damage from the latest hunt. Sam had always been a toucher, would throw himself at Dean and hug him as soon as Dean walked in the door from a hunt, just to feel him alive and breathing. After he had patched him and cleaned him Sam would then feed him, put him to bed and sit beside him, holding his hand, prattling about what he had got up to knowing the sound of his voice would relax Dean enough to go to sleep, and nights when Dean was really hurt, Sam would sleep beside him and stroke him and hush him if he woke during the night. That was then, that was before he opened his fat mouth and ruined everything, the Sam in front of him now was a robot

“Missed you Sammy.” He sighed

“It’s Sam.” He said coldly

“Come on Sam you can’t still be mad at me, that was months ago.”

“Doesn’t feel like it. Feels like only yesterday you were calling me a sick pervert.”

“Come on Sam you took me by surprise, I’m sorry I said that stuff but I didn’t mean it”

“Really Dean? You said some horrible stuff and now you’re calmly sitting here saying you didn’t mean it?”

“Please Sam I don’t want to fight with you, I haven’t seen you for months.” Dean whined as he put his hand in Sam’s.

“You’re right, I’m sorry” Sam said automatically, mainly to placate his brother.

“Good.” Dean smiled with relief, “You gonna climb in?” Dean asked as he moved to the edge of the single bed. Sam just squeezed his hand and left the room to clean up. When he came back Dean was asleep

Sam pulled out a sleeping bag and camped on the floor for the night.

***

“What are you doing here John?”

“What am I doing here? You’ve taken my son.”

“I didn’t take him, he showed up here.”

“You were meant to send him back to me Bobby”

“Back where? I can’t keep up with you. You move around so much there was no way to get the kid back to you and to be honest I don’t think he wants to go back to that life.”

“So what he’s just living here now?”

“He’s got himself set up at the local school and his grades are great from what he tells me. He cleans around the house, he cooks ok and he helps with handing me tools when I’m fixing up a car. He helps me with research and he seems happy. He’s not like Dean John, he’s not a little soldier and I don’t think the hunting lifestyle was for him.”

“Has he said anything about why he came here?”

“Not one word since the day he showed up here. I mean he cried, yeah I heard him in the middle of the night calling out Dean’s name but he’s good now. Don’t you want your son to be happy?”

“Yeah I do” John sighed as he ran his hand over his face, “You’re right he wasn’t really cut out for this. I s’pose I should ask if you’re ok with him staying here?”

“Yeah man, I know the kid and he’s a good kid, you brought him up right.”

“Dean raised him, I can’t take credit.”

“Well if you’re ok with it I’d like to keep him here and we’ll go from there.”

“Thanks Bobby and about that other thing…”

“Ancient history man.” Bobby said with a slap to the shoulder

 

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Sam got up the next morning, looked over at Dean who was still asleep and on the edge of the bed as if still waiting for Sam to slide in beside him. He stood there and gazed at his brother for a moment. He was battered and bruised and had deep shadows under his eyes but he was still the most beautiful sight Sam had ever seen and his heart palpitated just looking at him. ‘Why did he have to come here?’ Sam had almost got himself back on track and got Dean out of his mind. He was happy here with Booby and he felt like he was pulling his weight and not bludging off him.

Sam sighed and went to the bathroom where he got dressed before going downstairs and turning on the coffee pot. Bobby was nowhere to be seen but John was passed out on the couch with a half a bottle of whiskey on the table beside him.

Sam paused to take a long look at his dad before heading out the door to school. He felt a pang in his heart having his dad and brother in the same house, it kind of felt like coming home, like a piece of him that had been missing was back but he did not want to get dragged into this life again and when he closed his eyes he could still feel the hate Dean directed at him that night when he told him was sick and perverted.

***

Dean rolled over and sighed as he took a deep breath in the pillow inhaling the scent of Sam. The scent that to him, was like a security blanket. He had had Sam wrapped around him in bed ever since he could remember. Even as teenagers when their father had tried to get them into separate beds; if one of them was hurt or sick or having a nightmare the other would climb in just to offer warmth and security. He had slept better last night then he had since the night Sam had staggered into the motel room drunk. He looked at the pillow beside him, no indent and he noticed the swag on the floor so obviously Sam hadn’t climbed in beside him after he had passed out last night and he frowned. Old Sam would have been in bed and holding his hand the whole time to make sure he slept peacefully but the Sam of last night couldn’t even look Dean in the eye yet alone share a bed with him.

He sighed again as he rolled to look at the ceiling, he had a lot to make up for and a huge apology to make to get them back to the way they used to be, to get Sam beside him on the road again, to be the way he needed them to be to feel whole again.  He was meant to be the one person Sam could rely on and be able to tell anything to; he had promised him that from the minute Sam could understand words; and he would never forget the look of pain in Sam’s eyes as he said those things to him on that horrible night. He also, God help him, could not forget the feel or taste of Sam’s lips against his and his nights now seemed to swing between nightmares of not being to look after and protect Sammy and wet dreams imaging Sam’s lips everywhere on his body

“Dean?” He heard his dad call through the door

“Yeah come in.”

“Come on get dressed we gotta hit the road.”

“Where’s Sam?”

“School.”

“School?”

“Did I stutter?”

“No Sir.”

“Grab your shit and have a shower, we hit the road after you’ve eaten.”

‘Is Sam coming?”

“No.”

“Dad!” he almost whined

“Dean we don’t have time for this.”

“I don’t wanna leave Sam, I can’t.”

“It’s not a choice son. I brought you here so you could see he’s ok. He’s getting on with his life just like he wanted so time for us to get on with ours”

“So that’s it? He lives here now?”

“It’s what he wants son.”

“Dad I miss him.”

“Dean suck it up and stop acting like some puberty stricken girl. He’s made his decision.”

“What about my decision?”

“And what’s that?”

“I miss him, I need to see him, spend some time with him. Make sure he’s ok.”

“He’s fine son.” Bobby said from behind John, “You two gotta hit the road.”

“Dad can’t we wait until this afternoon? I didn’t even get a chance to talk to him last night. What?” Dean asks as John and Bobby quickly glance at each other

“Dean what happened before your brother left?” John said as he came in and sat on the end of the bed. Bobby moved forward and leaned against the door

“Nothing.” Dean said as he looked down and blushed

“You know I never asked what went down between you two I figured you’d sort yourselves out hell you always had before but then Sam took off so it must be something big.”

“It’s not my story to tell. Sam will tell you if he wants but he told me something and I reacted badly, that’s all I can say.”

“Well you must have reacted pretty badly.” John sighed

“Why?” Dean asked and John handed him a piece of paper

_Dad it was good to see you guys last night, it was good to see you are both ok even if a little beat up. I worry about you and I do miss you but I’m sorry and don’t take this the wrong way but I can’t be in the same house as Dean. I’m not chasing you away. It’s not up to me to say who Bobby can have in his house and I know you both need time to heal and rest up so I’m going to stay with a friend for a couple of days._

_Be Safe_

_S_

“He’s not coming back because of me?” Dean asked incredulously and he could feel a lump forming in his throat as he realised how much Sam must hate him now. He really had ruined everything.

“Dean, come on son”

“Sam thinks he’s gay.” He blurted

“What?” John and Bobby yelped together

“He was drunk that night and had just come back from a party and made some comments about kissing guys.” Dean didn’t mention he was the specific guy

“Well he always told you everything so makes sense he would come out to you.” John shrugged

“What happened?” Bobby asked suspiciously with his eyes in slits, he knew that was not the whole story.

“I may have called him a sick bastard and I think something about being a fag.” Dean said vaguely although he knew he would hear the exact words he said echoing around his head for the rest of his life.

“Dean!” his father yelled

“He took me by surprise dad.”

“Jesus Christ no wonder he doesn’t want to come back.”

“Are  _you_  ok with him being gay?” Dean demanded

“Well I’m not jumping for joy but only because I know his life will be harder now and it may make him more of a target for the things we hunt. It’s not a choice Dean, it’s born into you.”

“Bobby?” Dean asked

“He’s a strong kid and he’s smart, he’ll be fine”

“Come on Dean pack your shit.”

“Dad?” he whined

“Son I have a note in my hand saying Sam’s not coming back until you’re gone and I have you telling me you called your brother a fag so at the moment I’m with Sam, pack your stuff, we’re leaving.”

“I didn’t mean to. I just want to say sorry.”

“One day Sam will want to hear that Dean and you two’ll talk again but right now he’s doing everything he can to not be in the same house as you so I think we need to let him get over this in his own time. He knows he can call us when he’s ready to come home.”

“I don’t know, looks like he’s made this place his home.” Dean snarled bitterly as he looked around the room.

“Dean!”

“Alright, alright. Bobby can you just tell him I’m sorry please.”

“Sure son.” Bobby said with a smile and a slap on the back

***

“Son I think we need to talk.” Bobby said as Sam threw his backpack on the table and grabbed an apple

“Are you upset Bobby? It wasn’t an ultimatum; they could have stayed as long as they or you wanted.”

“No Sam of course not, this is your home too now but Dean asked me to tell you he was sorry.”

“Huh.” Sam snorted

“He was sincere kid, he was almost crying.”

“Yeah thanks Bobby you can tell him you passed the message on.” Sam turned to head upstairs.

“He told us what happened.” Bobby muttered

“What? What did he say?” Sam gasped and his stomach dropped as he almost fell down the stairs again he spun around so quickly

“He told us you thought maybe you liked boys and he took it the wrong way.”

“He told you and dad I was gay? My brother outted me?” he yelped. One part of him was shocked that Dean had done that but the other part was glad hadn’t told the full story. He was sure there was a huge difference between being looked at with sympathy for being gay and being taken away by psychiatric staff or police for fondling his brother.

“There’s nothing wrong with that son, both your father and I understand that.”

“I’m not gay.”

“Why would Dean say that then?”

“No I’m not gay as such, look Bobby I don’t know, it’s hard to explain.”

“Son you’re ether gay or you’re not.”

“Do you want me to go?”

“Sam do you really think I’d kick you out because you’re gay?”

“No Bobby, you’re not dad.”

“You’re dad seemed ok with it Sam, he was angry at Dean for calling you a pervert and a fag and he thinks the hunting life might be a little harder for you, you know, if you ever go back to it but other than that he was ok.”

“Why? Because I’m a sissy?”

“No because the creature might pick up on it somehow.”

“Dean was right to say those things to me, I shouldn’t have done what I did.” Sam’s shoulders dropped and he frowned

“You’re welcome to live here as long as you want.”

“Thanks Bobby.” Sam said with a slap on his back and headed upstairs.

 

***

 

Another month went by without any adventure and Sam had got himself a couple of friends and joined the lacrosse team and then one day as he walked out of school he found Bobby leaning up against the car he had resurrected for him to get around in.

“Bobby?”

“Your dad and Dean have been attacked son and it’s not good.”

“How not good?” Sam asked as a feeling of dread ran through him

“Both of them are in hospital. Your dad’s pretty beat up, has some broken ribs and head lacerations. Dean was still in surgery so they don’t know the extent of his injuries yet.”

“Surgery?” Sam yelped

“Yeah, I know you two got your issues but I thought you’d want to know.”

“Where are they?”

“Denver”

“I gotta go Bobby.”

“Of course you do. I gassed the car, I’ve packed your stuff, it’s in the back seat.”

“You figured I’d go?”

“It’s your family Sam no matter what goes down between you you’re always family”

“I can’t take your car Bobby, I’ll bus it.”

“Don’t be silly, the car’ll get you there quicker and maybe you can sell it for a couple of bucks when you get there just, you know, remove the plates before you do that.”

“Thanks Bobby, I appreciate everything man and if it’s alright with you I’d like to come back once I know they’re ok.”

“Door’s always open for any of the Winchesters and yes that includes your daddy.” Bobby said and pulled him in for a man hug

 

***

Dean woke up feeling like he was a hundred years old. He had tubes hanging out of him all over the place and as he lay there he did a mental body check. Head – pounding, ribs – some broken, arms – one not moving, legs – one strapped but not in a cast so obviously not broken. His stomach and his chest were bandaged and strapped and it hurt to move or breath. As he opened his eyes he realised why one arm was not moving…his baby brother was lying on it as he gripped his hand in his sleep.

“Sam!” Dean reached over and ran his fingers through his hair, he didn’t even realise he had croaked his name out loud until Sam’s eyes flew open and his head flew up

“Dean?”

“Hey.”

“Oh my God hey” Sam said and leaned forward to quickly kiss him on the forehead, “Sorry but I’ve been so worried.”

“S’ok, nice.” Dean mumbled

“How do you feel? Are you in pain, oh God stupid question?” he rambled as he leaned over and pressed the nurse’s buzzer. Dean was tight lipped and his skin was grey and sweaty.

“You’re here.”

“Of course.”

“Where’s dad?”

“Back at the motel resting. He’s banged up but nothing more than usual for a bad hunt.”

“I can’t remember what happened.” Dean frowned as he tried to remember what got him here.

“You got stabbed in the chest and the stomach and it’s a miracle nothing life threatening was hit but they had to do surgery”

“Stabbed? What the hell?” Dean growled but the nurse came in then

“Ah so you’re awake at last. Are you in pain?”

“No” Dean scowled the same time Sam said “Yes.”

“Ok well by the look of you I say your brother wins this battle.” The nurse smiled and pushed a syringe into a tube on his hand and then wondered out

“Sam.” Dean whined but his eyes started drifting.

“SShh I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“I’m sorry about what I said.” Dean said as he reached out to take Sam’s hand

“Forget it.”

“You’re a good kisser.”

“Dean!”

“Just thought you should know that while you’re still here talking to me. Missed you.”

“Don’t be a dick.”

“Come here.” Dean said pulling futilely at Sam’s hand

“What?” Sam said as he leaned closer

“This.” Dean said and kissed Sam gently on the lips, “Missed my baby brother”

“I’m gonna have to get some of these drugs to take home.” Sam smiled

“Shad ap.” Dean mumbled and fell back asleep with a smile on his face and his hand in Sam’s.

 

The next couple of days pretty much consisted of Dean arguing with all the hospital staff in between bouts of unconsciousness when they finally got the pain medication in him. Sam never left his side except to ring his dad every couple of hours to make sure he was ok or to give an update on Dean. He did his homework, or watched the hospital tv or read. The staff had managed to rustle up an arm chair as such for Sam to sleep in after he fell out of the visitors chair one night and hit his head on the bedside table. Something that got raucous laughter out of Dean who woke up to loud swearing and nurses threatening to boot him out if he didn’t let a doctor look at the cut over his eye, probably worried they were going to get sued.

Once the doctor checked him out and nurses stopped fussing over him Sam came back into the room to find Dean looking at him with a glint in his eye.

“What?” Sam pouted

“Want me to kiss it better?”

“Bite me.”

“Come here then”

“So they gave you some more pain meds then huh?”

“Yep.” Dean said and reached out to pull Sam in and brush his lips against his, once, twice, before nestling into his throat and inhaling his scent.

If there was anything Sam had learned over the last couple of days that he never knew about his older brother before, pain meds, the good stuff, made Dean touchy, feely. Something Dean in the real world will never admit aloud and if Sam brought it up knew would get him a black eye or broken nose. Half the time Dean didn’t even realise what he was saying in his semi unconscious state.  As much as it was killing Sam that Dean was unintentionally tormenting him like this, he would rather he was touching him then some young, hot nurse, so he just sat there with his cock always semi hard and when Dean had gone to sleep Sam would go to the toilet and pump one out just to keep himself sane.

 

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

“Alright let’s get this show on the road.” John said as he threw bags into the boot of the Impala.

It had been almost a month of hanging around in the one place while Dean healed and Sam knew John was itching to get gone and get on another case.

“Are you alright?” Sam asked Dean

“Dude would you stop asking me that. I’m fine just a little stiff. Won’t be able to wrestle any monsters for a while but I’m fine.”

Sam was leaning up against his car that was parked next to the Impala, there was a huge question hanging over everyone’s head and no one was game to ask it. John checked the room, made sure he had everything and then turned and looked at his two boys. He was the adult here so he knew it was up to him to broach the unbroachable

“So Sam what’s it gonna be?”

“Huh?”

“You taking that thing back to Bobby’s or are we dumping it and you coming with us?”

“I s’pose I could tag along until Dean becomes useful again.” Sam shrugged

“Bite me.” Dean muttered

“Right get the plates off that thing and put the keys under the visor, I’ll make a call” John nodded towards the bits and pieces car Sam was driving

“You’re in the back Dean.” John called as he climbed in the car

“What?” Dean yelped

“You’re in back & Sam rides shotgun while you still got that thing on your leg.”

“But dad…”

“Geez stop whining would ya.” John said and Sam smiled triumphantly as he threw his bag and the licence plates in the boot and climbed in next to his father. The smile was soon wiped off his face by a slap to the back of the head by his brother in the back seat.

They had been driving for about an hour. Classic rock was playing in the background, Sam was reading a book and Dean was flicking through some muscle car magazine. Living on the road with the Impala as their home since they were literally babies meant that the boys could do anything in the car without worrying about car sickness or vertigo which was a good thing because no matter how sick you were, if you threw up in the car you had to clean the car. Sam had learned early on to have some kind of bag or container always under the seat and although he had had to clean up his own mess a couple of times and it completely grossed him out he could do it; Unfortunately Dean would throw up five more times in the process of trying to clean up his vomit; on days when he was feeling generous or Dean was really sick Sam would offer to do it for him but those offers were very few and far between because, come on, who the hell liked cleaning up vomit.

“So Sam wanna talk about it?”

“Talk about what? Dean getting his ass handed to him?” Sam laughed

“No. Bobby and I talk son, you know we know.”

“Oh right the Dean kicking me out of the closet conversation.”

“You know I don’t have a problem with that other than some of the things we fight might see it as a weakness.”

“Dad there’s nothing to talk about.”

“Son…”

“No really dad there’s nothing to talk about. I had been out to a party and been drinking and someone put gay porn on as a joke and it kinda turned me on so I worried maybe I was gay but I’m not.”

“So you’re not gay?”

“No sir.”

“What the hell?” Dean shouted from the backseat making John jerk the car

“Dean!”

“You’re saying you’re not gay and that whole…thing…that happened that night was you just being drunk and horny?” Dean yelled

“Yeah man I’ve got a girl now.” Sam turned around to look at his brother, keeping his facial expression blank

“You’re not gay and you have a girlfriend?” Dean was looking at him in shock

“What part are you not understanding Dean?” Sam asked sarcastically before turning back around to look out the front window

“I’m sorry Sam but I was there that night and I heard what you said and then you just up and disappear out of our lives for six months, leaving dad and me alone and now you’re saying you’re not even gay? Why’d you take off then?”

“Because I thought as my older brother I could trust you and tell you anything, dad has taught us to have each other’s backs, that’s what we do, we need to be able to rely on each other when we’re out there hunting and you pretty much revealed your true self to me that night and I don’t like the person you are. And then just because of one drunken night you blurt out to dad and Bobby that I’m gay? Screw you Dean.”

“He’s right Dean, you two need to be able to rely on each other not turn on each other.”

“Yeah well you revealed a lot that night too.”

“Yeah I have discovered Jaeger is not my friend.” Sam laughed and heard Dean roar in the back seat

“Do I need to pull this car over so you two can work this out man to man?” John snapped

“No sir.” Dean muttered

“Sam?”

“No sir, wouldn’t be much of a fight with his leg like that anyway, it’ll keep.” Sam muttered

“Don’t do me any favours little brother.”

“Do you wanna go?” Sam turned and glared at him

“No you’ll keep.”

“Alright then so we’re all good.” John said with a smile as he leaned over and slapped Sam on the shoulder. “So you’re not gay and you’re back to driving with us. Good day all around.” John said and cranked up the music

Sam went back to reading his book but he could feel Dean’s eyes staring at the back of his head and he knew his neck was flushed from the lying and the scrutiny.

 

***

In the last month of hanging out in the hotel room or the hospital Sam had time to do a lot of thinking. As soon as Dean was off all the pain medication he went back to his usual surrounded by emotional barbed wire self and didn’t even remember any of the touching or flirting in the hospital. Sam had decided pretty much straight away that if the topic came up he was going to deny it. He was going to tell them he was not gay, which he didn’t think he was, and he had a girlfriend. He had learned over the last six months he really didn’t think he was gay, except for Dean. No other guy had turned him on and he still found women attractive. Maybe all the care Dean took as they grew up manifested into something he didn’t quite understand and he put the wrong label on it. Yes, to him Dean was still beautiful and his heart still skipped when he came close but that could just be the love and adoration you feel for family couldn’t it? He didn’t actually have a girlfriend but another line of defence between him and Dean could not be a bad thing.

***

A week on the road with John and Dean turned into a month and then six months and then the time living with Bobby turned into a distant memory as Sam settled back into the old routine. Hotel to hotel, school to school. Dean and John hunted and Sam went to school and played mother at home.

Sam cleaned the rooms. Did the laundry and cooked dinner, or at least attempted. The main thing was John and Dean had something solid in their stomach before they hit the whiskey each night. Seemed Dean was following in their dad’s footsteps every step of the way right down to the liver poisoning to get them to sleep at night.

Even after everything that had gone down with him and Dean it had never occurred to Sam to not share the same room as him so he was now back to lying in bed at night listening to Dean masturbate in the bed next to him or lying there stiff and anxious until Dean staggered in from a night at a cheap bar, drunk off his face and smelling of cheap perfume or incense oil – fuck if he had to smell violet oil one more time he thought he would throw up.

One night Dean swung in with the door, lost his grip and fell onto Sam’s bed, it was one of the rare nights when Sam had actually fallen asleep before Dean got in so he shot up in bed fist swinging out and connecting while the other hand dove under his pillow and pulled out a knife. Before Dean could comprehend what the fuck he had a black eye and a shiny blade pushed against his throat

“Sam, Sammy it’s me…Sam.” He gasped, hands in the air in surrender

“Dean? What the fuck?” Sam yelled

“Sorry man, tripped.”

“Tripped? Dean I could have sliced your throat open.”

“Nah man you’re not that good.” Dean smirked

“Really? Cause I’m looking at you with a black eye and I did get you, you got blood running down your throat”

“Oh fuck man did you cut me?” Dean whined as he placed his hand on his throat and pulled away to see blood

“You fell on my bed in the middle of the night, what the hell was I supposed to do, I did exactly what I’ve been taught to do when left alone from the minute I was old enough to hold a knife. You’re an idiot, you should have identified yourself straight away.” He yelled

“Jesus listen to you, daddy’s little soldier.”

“You were taught the same thing.”

‘Didn’t see me pulling a knife on you when you walked in drunk as a skunk did ya Sammy? No. Maybe I shoulda, maybe that woulda sobered you up enough to not suck on my finger like it was my cock.”

“Shut up Dean.” Sam growled

“Why? Cause you gotta girlfriend now? Never hear you call her or talk to her and you never mention her. Canta got far with her.”

“I was just turned sixteen dude.”

“By sixteen I was way inta double digits Sammy. You have done it right?”

“Done what?”

“S.E.X.”

“Did you just spell out the word sex like I’m six years old?”

“Well have ya? Have ya shoved your…what did ya used to call it?...oh yeah…wiener…into a girl’s pussy? Have ya Sammy boy?”

“Shut up Dean, I’m not talking to you when you’re like this. Go sleep it off in dad’s room.”

“Can’t, he brought a waitress back with him.”

“What?” Sam’s eyes bugged out of his head.

“Does it all the time Sammy, are you really that naïve? Do you think we’re all living like monks, living like you? We gotta bury ourselves in someone or something Sam or it’ll fall off.”

“You’re talking shit Dean, shut up and get off my bed. You stink.”

“Yeah I stink like…ah…ah fuck can’t remember her name…Sara? Sasha? Sonya? Who cares all I care about is she could get her legs behind her ears.”

“What’s the point of that?”

“Sam do I really need to have a sex talk with you?”

“No I mean I know the biology of a woman’s…you know…”

“Cunt, you can say cunt Sam”

“Shut up” Sam blushed and Dean laughed, “And it doesn’t really matter where her legs go she can only take so much in, so it doesn’t really matter how big or small you are…”

“Oh I’m big Sammy.”

“Yeah that’s what they all say.” Sam snorted

“Wanna see?”

“No I don’t wanna see your dick, go take a shower and go to bed Dean I’ve got to go to the library tomorrow.”

“Still didn’t answer my question.”

“Which one?”

“Have…you…done…it?”

“Shut up and piss off.” Sam said and rolled over

“Sammy are you still a virgin? Haven’t popped your cherry yet? You should come with dad and me, we’ll get you laid.” Dean said as he climbed over him so he could see his face again

“Yeah like I need to get hooked up with a fifty year old with syphilis. I’m surprised your junk hasn’t fallen off yet.”

“Oh my junk aint going nowhere, what’s the first thing I taught you about sex Sammy?”

“It’s the first and only thing you ever taught me Dean, if it’s not on it’s not on.”

“Oh I’m sure I taught you other stuff.”

“Hmm what has Dean Winchester taught his baby brother about sex? Always make sure you have an escape route, don’t wanna get stuck having to God forbid cuddle or actually sleep with whoever it is you’re screwing, make sure they don’t have your real name…you know just in case the condom doesn’t work, make sure you’re wearing said condom, doesn’t really matter what their name is as long as they’re willing and always make sure they’re willing, we’re Winchester’s, we’re so good we don’t need to force anyone they should be begging. I think that’s how it goes.”

“Geez Sam you make it sound so…”

“Cheap? Sordid? One step up from a prostitute?”

“When did you get so high and mighty?”

“I’m not high and mighty Dean I just want more than a one night stand under the name John Smith now get off my bed.”

“Maybe you want a John Smith, maybe that’s the problem.”

“Don’t start with that bullshit again Dean.”

“Here wanna suck my finger?” Dean asked as he shoved his finger at Sam’s sealed lips

Sam swatted it away and held the knife up to Dean’s throat again, “Back the fuck off, get the fuck off my bed and get the fuck away from me.”

“You know it doesn’t matter what size your dick is if you stick up an ass, it will go all the way.”

“Dean!”

“Just saying…I’ve seen you Sammy and you’re pretty big, it would go all the way in an ass.” Dean stopped talking then because for the first time in a long time Sam deliberately hit him. He hit him in the face, splitting his lip

“Get the fuck out. Sleep it off in the car.” Sam said and pushed Dean off the bed and onto the floor with his feet.

“I know what you said Sam. You told dad that you had a girl and that’s bullshit. I don’t know why you lied but I’m pretty sure if I stuck an ass and a cunt in front of you, you would stick your cock in the ass before you stuck your cock in the…”

“Dean I swear to God you say that word one more time and you will be sleeping it off in a hospital bed.” Sam said as he flew off the bed and held the knife to Dean’s throat. “They are women you are talking about. Living, breathing women with feelings. They are not just a hole for you to stick it into and relieve yourself. You can get a hooker or even an inflatable doll for that…say the ‘c’ word one more time and I will cut you. Gotta say man in the last year you have revealed quite a bit about yourself to me and what you have revealed is cheap and disgusting. You have no respect for women or gays and I’m pretty sure you’d fuck a cow to get off. You’re a red neck and the worst kind. I don’t know how we are brothers but I suggest you stay the fuck away from me and keep your opinions to yourself.”

“Sam.” Dean whined but another punch to his face knocked him out cold.

***

The sun hitting Dean in the face woke him up and he groaned as he rolled over on the hard floor. He slowly sat up and looked around the room. There was a glass of water and some pain killers on the table but Sam was nowhere to be seen.

Dean swallowed the tablets and water and staggered into the bathroom where he looked at himself in the mirror. Black eye, bruised cheek and a knife wound across his neck brought back vague memories of last night. He stripped off his clothes and staggered in the shower. Ten minutes later, when all the hot water was gone, he shuffled into the living area to find his dad sitting at the dining table

“What?” he sighed

“Sam’s gone.”

“What?”

“Sam’s gone back to Bobby’s.”

“He ran away again?”

“Nope, waited until this morning. Came and knocked on my door and told me he was going. Said you were a red neck moron and he couldn’t be on the road with you. He said to say he was sorry for your face which by the look of you he worked over pretty good and I must say son, I personally thank you for telling Sam I bring women back to the hotel.”

“Fuck.”

“Look I know I fucked up when I brought the two of you on the road with me instead of leaving you with family but I don’t think I have ever given you reason to think women are nothing but something to screw, I loved your mother, I love women; women make men human and I don’t think you will ever have the love and respect of a woman or women in general with your attitude Dean and I guess somehow that is my fault. Somehow Sam has managed to do the complete opposite of us and has figured out the value and worth of women. If he hasn’t had sex that’s not something to throw in his face Dean that is something to admire, that means he is happy to wait for someone special, something special.”

“Dad come on, when do we ever get something or someone special? The only thing other than hunting you have taught me is that we take our pleasure when and where we can get it. How come I have to take what I can get when I can get it and yet Sam gets to wait for that special someone?”

“Because he made that decision.”

“And he’s gone?”

“Yep now pack your crap we gotta werewolf to kill.”

 

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Two days later Dean opened the door of his hotel room and stopped dead. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it but something wasn’t right. He quietly put down his duffel and pulled his gun out from the back of his waistband and stepped quietly into the room. Nothing was out of place but the feeling was still there so he headed to the bathroom and slowly placed his hand on the knob and started to turn it. Before he turned too far it turned from the inside and the door was pulled in, taking Dean with it.

“What the…” Sam yelped in surprise as Dean fell onto him

“Sam what the fuck? I could have shot you dude!” Dean yelled

“Didn’t look like from where I was standing.” Sam said and pushed Dean away before stepping out into the room.

Now Dean knew Sam was here he realised what he hadn’t noticed before, Sam’s bag on the other bed. It was so usual for it to be there he hadn’t comprehended that it shouldn’t have been.

“Dean!” John came running in, gun drawn, probably from hearing Dean yell.

“Hi dad.” Sam said as he pulled a shirt over his head.

“Hi ya Sammy.” John said and looked at Dean and there was an awkward silence in the room for a minute while John put his gun away

“Thought you’d taken off again.” Dean said to break the silence as he went to the fridge to pull out two beers, handing one to his dad.

“Yeah I did but then I decided fuck you Dean.”

“Sam!” John frowned

“I didn’t want to leave and I decided I wasn’t going to run from my family because you’re a pig. You know what they say…you can’t choose your family.”

“Bite me.” Dean muttered

“So how’d you get here and how did you know where here is?” John asked

“Don’t be mad but I acquired a car and I know the rules. Doesn’t matter if one of us is missing, in hospital, in jail or has voluntarily left, until all three of us are together we always stay at the first hotel in the yellow pages.”

“So where’ve you been?”

“I dumped the car and rang the police so they could find it and then went and checked out the school.”

“School?” Dean asked

“You really have a hard time with that word don’t ya Dean? Maybe if you’d actually gone to school you’d know how to treat women.”

“I went to school.”

“Yeah only so you could get laid.”

“At least I’m not gay.” He retorted

“How many times do I have to tell you I’m not fucking…”

“Sam, Dean, shut it.” John yelled

“Yes Sir.” They said together

“I’m glad you came back Sam but I’m not going to listen to you two argue the whole time, if that’s the way it’s gonna be then maybe you should go back to Bobby’s.”

“Why me?”

“Because Dean was bred to this life son, you not so much. If I send Dean off he’ll end up screwing his away across the country before arriving at Bobby’s drunk and useless. At least I know you’d get there and get yourself into school.”

“Thanks for the real low opinion dad.” Dean muttered as he took a swig from his beer

“Telling it like it is son.”

“I don’t want to go back to Bobby’s.”

“Can you behave yourself?”

“Yes sir.”

‘Dean?”

“Yes sir.”

“Fine then let’s find this werewolf and kill the bastard.”

 

Later that night Sam helped Dean into the hotel room and laid him on his bed. Dean had been fighting the creature when Sam came up behind to shoot the silver bullet. Dean had diverted his eyes to his brother for a second, letting the monster know someone was behind him. He threw his arm out as he spun around knocking Sam over and sending the gun sliding away, he then started running at Sam but Dean jumped and got between them taking a beat down and getting a few scratches while Sam scrambled for the gun, Dean was thrown across the room and knocked unconscious before Sam finally got a clean shot to the heart.

He now took Dean’s shoes off and took his shirt off before going to the bathroom to get a bowl of warm water and a wash cloth.

“Sammy I’m fine.” Dean muttered but still held the icepack Sam had gotten him earlier, to his head

“Just shut up and let me see the damage ok.”

“Good shot by the way.”

“I could have done it cleaner and without you getting hurt if you hadn’t tipped him off.”

“You shouldn’t have been there you could have got hurt.”

“Dean I’m almost seventeen I can look after myself. You got all macho and look at you.”

“Hey I got one job in life Sammy and that’s to look after you. This is nothing compared to what dad would do if something happened to you.”

“Dean I’m not a kid anymore.”

“You’ll always be my baby brother.”

“Shut up.” Sam grunted and cringed as Dean flinched when he started cleaning the blood away, “Sorry.”

“S’all good.” Dean said and took a swig of whiskey from the bottle his dad had given him, his idea of medicine. Walk it off and drink it off was John’s motto

Sam finally got Dean patched up and another icepack for his head while Dean sank half the bottle of whiskey.

“You good?” Sam asked after coming out of the bathroom, ready for bed

“Hmm.”

“K.” Sam said and turned off the lights, the bathroom light was still on and the door ajar so anyone who woke in the middle of the night could find their way around without tripping into anything; the downside of motel living is you never got used to the room lay out.

“Stay with me Sam?”

“I’m right here Dean.”

“No, come have a sleep over.” Dean mumbled as he pulled back the sheets on his bed

“Dean I’m not ten anymore.”

“Please Sam.” Dean whined and then cursed as he tried to move and pulled the bandages.

“Alright but you steal all the blankets I’m pushing you on the floor head injury or no head injury.”

Sam climbed into next to Dean and rolled onto his side so his back was against Deans. Dean muttered, rolled over and curled into Sam’s back.

“Geez needy much?” Sam muttered

“Cold and you’re a human heater.” Dean muttered and put his hand on Sam’s hip.

Sam froze. Having Dean wrapped around him and his hand on his hip was doing things to Sam that were definitely not brotherly. Sam thought he had this under control, thought he had managed to shake the feelings he thought he had for his brother but all it took was one hand on the thin material separating Dean’s skin from his own to have his skin burning and his cock rising. Sam squeezed his eyes closed and thought of blood and gore while he deep breathed this feeling away.

“Sam…”

“Hmm?”

“What’s wrong?” Dean muttered and the warmth of his breath brushed across Sam’s ear

“Nothing, why?” he asked casually as he swore in his head and his cock twitched, literally twitched

“You’re wound like a spring, I can feel it from here.”

“I’m just not used to sharing a bed anymore man and I’m still wound up from the hunt.”

“You shoulda had a shot of whiskey that’d relax ya.”

“Actually you know what, you’re right.” Sam said and literally jumped out of the bed and headed to the kitchenette area where he had left the bottle on the bench, making sure his back was to Dean the whole time so Dean couldn’t see his wood.

“Seriously?” Dean frowned and rolled to look at Sam. Sam never drank anything other than the occasional beer. Never drank before the infamous party, hence why he got drunk so quick, and Dean had not seen him have a sip of any kind of spirit since that night.

“Yeah why? Only you and dad can drink medicinally?” Sam said before taking the cap off the bottle, raising it to his mouth and taking a large swig.

Sam coughed and his eyes watered as the spirit burned it’s way into his gut, “Holy…” he muttered and ignored Dean snorting as he took another mouthful

“Hey settle down there Sam, what the hell?” Dean frowned as he watched his brother take a third swallow.

Sam could literally feel the warmth of the liquor working it’s way through his body, past his throat, warming his chest and relaxing his lungs, down to his stomach where it settled the swirling and then into his arms and legs which now also felt warm and looser, his cock was even chilling and relaxing

“Ok that’s better.” Sam sighed and walked back over to Dean’s bed

“I mean it Sam, what the hell?”

“What? I’m not allowed a drink?” Sam asked as he slid back into bed with his back to Dean again

“Dude firstly your seventeen so no and secondly you never drink.”

“Dean as you point out all the time you were drinking and screwing around way younger than me so stop being a hypocrite.”

“I just don’t know what’s got into you. Is sharing a bed with me really that bad? Fuck we used to do it all the time, it was the only way you could sleep for years.”

“You know what? You seem good, you don’t need me.” Sam said and pushed back the covers

“Sam no please don’t go.”

“What the hell Dean? When did you turn into such a chick?”

“Look I saw you get hit and I freaked ok. Do you know how I felt to know I was about to pass out and leave you in the room with that thing alone? I didn’t know what I was going to wake up to.”

“Dean I told you I can look after myself.”

“You can protect yourself if someone breaks in and you know in theory how to kill things but you’ve never been out there before. I don’t know why dad let you come with us.”

“Because I’m not a kid anymore Dean. Dad had you hunting before you had hair on your balls I don’t know what your problem is with me but you need to get over it because it probably will get us killed.”

“I don’t like it.”

“Well lucky you don’t have a say. Good night.” Sam said and climbed out of the bed and went to his own.

The whiskey and his own bed was working and Sam was almost asleep when he felt the bed dip beside him.

“Dean…”

“Shh Sammy go back to sleep it’s all good.” Dean whispered and spooned around him before burying his nose in Sam’s shoulder. Thank God for the whiskey Sam thought as he did what Dean said and went to sleep.

A couple of hours later Dean woke up to find Sam sleeping on his stomach one arm and one leg flung over him like he always used to sleep when he was little. It was how Sam used to make sure Dean didn’t leave him in the middle of the night. Nothing had changed, well one thing had, one night over a year ago his drunk brother had sucked his finger, but everything had gone on as normal since then so there was no reason at all for Dean’s cock to be twitching with Sam lying over him. He slowly canted his hips and felt his cock slide against Sam’s hip. Sam’s boxers had ridden up with his leg thrown over so Dean was rubbing against skin and he hissed between his teeth as he felt the heat of Sam’s skin seep through the cotton to his cock. He should push Sam off, get up go back to his own bed, that’s what he should do; he should not wiggle forward and push his cock hard against Sam again. He could feel his cock twitch and he knew it was damp with pre come and he slowly raised his hips again to slide along Sam’s skin.

Dean slid his hand down and was about to grab his cock when Sam suddenly rolled over so he was facing Dean. He froze and his breath hitched as he waited to see if he had accidentally woken his brother up with his dry humping. There was again silence and stillness so Dean slid his hand down under the waistband of his boxers and grabbed his cock. He slowly began stroking and pushing his hips up into his own fist. He knew this was wrong and he knew Sam could wake up and catch him at any minute and the whole taboo of it was making him hotter and needier. He gripped his cock tight and groaned out Sam’s name as he fisted himself.

Sam was asleep when he heard Dean say his name. It was the way he said it that made him open his eyes. It wasn’t said as a question or in concern and Dean’s voice sounded deep and wrecked. Sam opened his eyes to see his brother roughly thrusting up into his own hand and Sam was hard and leaking straight away. Dean’s eyes were squeezed shut as he fantasized whatever it was that was going on in his head but all Sam kept hearing was the way Dean had groaned his name. Suddenly Dean’s eyes flew open and met with his. Dean froze and his eyes bugged out of his head and without even thinking…

“Wanna hand with that?” Sam whispered and slid on top of Dean.

“Sam?”

“Shh.” Sam said and pulled Dean’s boxers down just enough to show his hard and pulsating red cock, “This is pretty impressive Dean.” Sam said conversationally and leaned down to lick the length of it

“Fuck Sam.” Dean growled and shoved his hands into his hair not sure whether to pull him away or push him down

“Shhh, it’s ok big brother I’ll take care of you.” Sam said and opened his mouth to suck his brother in.

Dean saw stars, for the first time ever in all the blow jobs he had been given in his life, he literally saw stars and was surprised he was still conscious. Sam’s mouth was hot and his lips so soft. He sucked and licked and ran his teeth up and down Dean’s length and Dean knew he wasn’t going to last long since he was half way there before Sam even started

“Sam I’m gonna…you gotta pull off..Sam I don’t wanna…” he gasped as he tried to breathe and then lost all rational thought as Sam sank down taking the full length of him, fuck me if his little baby brother didn’t have a gag reflex and that just made him a hundred times hotter to Dean. He shoved up and Sam pulled back to suck and run his tongue around Dean’s head like it was the best lollipop he had ever had.

“Sam I’m gonna come.” Dean growled and Sam just hummed as he lowered his head again, the vibrations ricocheted up Dean’s cock and he shot his load down his little brother’s throat. “Fuck.” Dean all but yelled and Sammy kept licking and sucking until Dean pushed him off once he got hypersensitive.

Dean flipped Sam onto his back and shoved his hand down his boxers to grab his brother’s huge cock, and it was huge, Sam was growing daily, he was going to be huge when he finished growing and his cock was keeping up with him every step of the way. He went to pull his hand back to spit in it but then realised Sam was leaking and taking care of lubrication. He growled and squeezed and fisted his brother’s cock hard and fast and Sam squeezed his eyes closed and shoved his hips up into Dean’s hand.

“Come for me Sammy.” Dean muttered and that’s all it took for Sam to cry out and shoot his load into Dean’s hand and into his boxers. “Jesus Christ.” Dean gasped and went to say something else but Sam just pulled his hand out of his boxers, rolled over and closed his eyes.

Dean lay there wide awake. Didn’t matter that he had called his brother a pervert and a fag, didn’t matter that Sam had declared he was straight and had a girlfriend, didn’t even matter that Dean had enough notches in his bed post to make the thing a toothpick. Everything in his whole world had just changed and Dean had no clue what the fuck to do to move forward or to go back.

 

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning Dean woke up to find himself in the bed alone, as he turned Sam came out of the bathroom, jeans low on his hips, chest bare and hair curling as it dried

“Damn I remember why I don’t drink now.” Sam groaned when he looked to the bed and saw Dean awake.

“Why?”

“It knocks me on my ass, when did you come hog my bed?”

“You don’t remember me getting into your bed?” Dean frowned

“Last thing I remember is you bitching about me hunting and I woke this morning to find you drooling down my back, thanks for that.” Sam said as he pulled a shirt out of his bag and sniffed it before pulling it over his head.

“What the fuck Sam?” Dean yelped

“What?” he asked startled

“You don’t remember last night?”

“Why? What happened? Is dad ok?” Sam was starting to look concerned as he looked around the room to see if he had missed something.

“Yeah, nothing happened it’s just…”

“What?” Sam stared at him with his huge eyes waiting for Dean to explain and really how the hell was Dean meant to explain that he was upset his brother had forgotten he had given him the blow job to end all blow jobs?

“Nothing man, it’s just we talked about more than that.”

“Really? I thought we didn’t do chick talks man.”

“Yeah well I got hurt and you got plastered and it just happened, it won’t happen again I tell you that right now.”

“Well if you’re finished having your period you wanna shower? Dad said there was another attack last night so looks like there’s more than one wolf in town.” Sam said before heading back into the bathroom to hang up his towel.

Dean dropped back onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. He may not have been talking about chick moments but he meant what he said when he said it wouldn’t happen again. All he had to do now was not look at his brother’s ass as he bent down to pick up his boots, and not look at the small trail of hair that went from his stomach to below his belt when Sam stretched and ran his fingers through his hair and not imagine his brother’s hot mouth and his lack of gag reflex wrapped around Dean’s cock. Yeah that was so not working Dean thought as he jumped out of bed and raced into the bathroom before Sam saw the raging hard on he had. “Fuck I am in so much trouble” Dean muttered to himself as he took hold of his cock under the hot water before closing his eyes and imaging the heat of his brother’s mouth.

 

All three men staggered into the hotel room at sun up the next morning tired and pissed off.

“I can’t believe we couldn’t find a werewolf in town Bumfuck, how is that even possible? Where the hell did the thing go?” Dean growled

“Dean.” John snapped

“Sorry I’m just pissed.”

“It was the last night of the full moon maybe the thing didn’t turn but you know what that means now.” John sighed

“Yeah we’re stuck in Bumfuck for another month.” Dean growled as he threw his shot gun onto the bed and went to the fridge for beers. He handed his father one and noticed Sam smiling as he handed him one too, “What are you so happy about?” Dean grumbled

“One school for a whole month.” Sam said as he got up and put the beer back in the fridge before grabbing a soda.

“Freak.”

“And you’re the brother of a freak.” Sam smiled

 

When stuck in a town for a period of time earning money becomes a little trickier. You can’t really hustle people when you know you’re going to run into them the next day so although pool games and poker games were played and money was won it was at nowhere near the speed they usually made it so legitimate jobs had to be found. John hit the local mechanics to see if he could get a couple of hours work and Dean did car washing or lawn mowing. He hated every minute of it but at least it brought drinking money in. Sam went to school, did his homework and kept house. He also did a few maintenance things around the hotel and helped the manager with some book work and in return they had a few nights reduced off their tab.

 

A week later everything had almost gone back to normal, if you ignored the wet dreams Dean was having on an almost nightly basis now with his brother sleeping in the bed next to his.

Thursday afternoon Dean walked into the room to find Sam sitting at the table, doing homework, holding an icepack

“Hey Sammy.”

“Hey.” He grumbled

“What’s with the ice?”

“Nothing.” Sam said and got up to put it back in the freezer turning his face to Dean so he could see the black eye and cut lip

“Sam what the fuck? Who did this?’ Dean said as he rushed over to grab his brother’s face and assess the damage

“Just some dick, I forgot how guys can be in the back woods.”

“What the hell happened?”

“Some guys were harassing a girl so I stepped in.”

“And you let them beat you?” Dean sounded shocked

“No, geez Dean, no I walked her home and they jumped me from behind.”

“And you let them beat you.” He reiterated

“Look we’re here for a couple more weeks, it was easier to take the beating then take the crap I’d cop at school.”

“So now they think you’re a wimp?”

“Better than a freak. I just gotta keep my head down for another couple of weeks.”

“I am driving you to school tomorrow and you are pointing them out to me.” he growled

“Dean I can take care of myself.”

“But you didn’t.”

“Look just leave it ok. You know I can protect myself if it happens again.”

“But will you?”

“Yes Dean geez back off.”

“Here put the ice back on it.” Dean said and reached back into the freezer, “I don’t like this one little bit.”

“Dean I got this.”

“Sam no one’s allowed to rough you up except me, you’ve got a fucking black eye, dad’s gonna go ape shit.”

“Does it look cool?”

“What? The eye?” he was confused

“Yeah?” he smiled cheekily

“Yeah Sam it’s gonna look so cool tonight when you’re trying to sleep but can’t and it’s gonna be so cool when you can’t eat cause every time you open your mouth your lip will bleed.” Dean snapped sarcastically

Later that night John expressed his opinion at Sam’s black eye and teen hicks in Hick town Hicksville, he also agreed with Dean that he should have cleaned the idiots up but accepted Sam had it under control and told Dean to back off when Dean started arguing with him. Now he’d wandered off to the local bar and as much as Dean was itching to go out also, he knew Sam was going to be uncomfortable tonight and might need him so sat on the couch next to his brother flicking between channels not finding anything to amuse him or take his mind off the heat radiating off his brother or the smell that was uniquely him although they all used the same laundry detergent and bathroom products.

Sam sat next to Dean on the couch reading a Latin book and although he was silent Dean could tell he was in pain. He was holding his head, he was shifting uncomfortably in the chair, his skin was pale and he was beginning to squint as he got tireder.

“Sam come on fess up already.” Dean snapped

“What?” Sam almost jumped when Dean spoke

“Admit you’re in fucking pain.”

“I do have a headache.” He grimaced

“Really?” Dean said sarcastically

“Alright my head’s fucking pounding, happy now?”

“No I’d be happy if you beat the fuck out of those morons. Come on.” Dean said as he stood and pulled Sam off the couch.

He pushed Sam into the bathroom and leaned against the door while he brushed his teeth, he then handed him two painkillers and then went outside while he stripped for bed. When Sam came out of the bathroom…

“Are you fucking kidding me Sam?” Dean yelled, up until now Sam hadn’t said a thing about the bruise on his chest, “What the hell?”

“Geez Dean shut up already.”

“They kicked you in the ribs? And you let them?” Dean was incredulous

“It was when they jumped me, they knocked me down and they landed a kick while I was trying to get up.”

“Sam!”

“I don wanna talk about it, can I just go to bed?” Sam muttered half asleep

“Yeah Sammy come on.” Dean relented straight away at the look of exhaustion on his brother’s face and pushed him into bed. Sam automatically rolled onto his stomach like he usually sleeps before letting out a swear word and rolling back over onto his side. He then grimaced and rolled to the other side. It was going to be an uncomfortable and unsettled night for him and Dean sighed as he climbed in beside him.

“Come on little brother I got you.” Dean said and Sam whimpered as he curled up beside him. Dean even felt a few tears on his shirt before the pain killers kicked in and his brother fell asleep.

The next morning Dean woke to Sam leaning over him with a cup of coffee.

“I’m off.”

“Where?”

“School.”

“Hang on I’m driving you.”

“Dean I got this.” Sam smiled and headed out the door before Dean could fully wake up.

***

“Hello?” Dean answered his cell phone a few hours later

“Is this Dean Winchester?” a snotty lady’s voice asked

“Yes?”

“We’re ringing regarding Sam Winchester.”

“Is he ok?” Dean said and shot up out of the couch

“There has been an incident at the school and we need you to come down here please.” She sounded even haughtier

“I asked if he is alright.” Dean growled, he had his jacket on and was heading out the door already

“He is fine.”

Dean got to the school and was ushered into the principal’s office

“You’re Dean Winchester?” she asked dubiously

“Yes.”

“Sorry I assumed the phone number in Sam’s file would be for his father.”

“I’m his brother.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t realise his father had passed.”

“He hasn’t, look lady I’m his brother and you rang me and asked me to come down here, where is Sam and what is going on?” Dean snapped, he had never been good with authority figures and Dean was worried for his brother. The principal’s lips pursed and she pushed a button. A minute later Sam walked in.

“Sam are you ok?” Dean asked as he jumped up to look him over

“Yeah Dean I’m fine.”

“What the hell’s going on?” he asked, ignoring the huffing woman completely

“I accidentally left my butterfly knife in my bag and one of the teacher’s noticed it.”

“And…” Dean was confused about the issue

“And that is a suspendable offense Mr Winchester.” The principal interrupted

“Because he had a knife in his bag? He wasn’t using it or threatening anyone with it he just had it in his bag.”

“A knife is a knife Mr Winchester, you seem very blasé about the fact your brother was armed.”

“Lady we’re all armed.” Dean said and leaned down to pull his knife out of his boot

“Aarrgghh.” She screamed

“Geez settle down lady.” Dean said as he shoved the knife back in his boot

“What kind of family are you?” she gasped with her hand to her heart, you would think Dean had held the thing to her throat

“A well prepared one. So what’s going on? What now?”

“Your brother is suspended for two weeks.”

“What? You can’t suspend me for two weeks now.” Sam yelped

“Rules are rules Mr Winchester.”

“Let me get this straight you let a bunch of bullies beat up my brother and turn a blind eye but because he has a knife in the bottom of his bag he’s getting suspended? Told ya Sammy Bumfuck towns, fucked up every time.”

“Mr Winchester I do not appreciate your language and I believe that other incident happened off school grounds.” The principal huffed loudly

“Yeah, whatever, we’re going.” Dean said and patted Sam on the shoulder before nodding to the door. Sam was frowning and pouting but he walked out ahead of Dean

“This is bullshit man.” Sam whined

“Forget it Sam, better off out of here anyway.” Dean said and put his arm across Sam’s shoulders as they headed out the door

“Hey Losechester!” A voice yelled out and other voices laughed

“Ha ha fucking funny, like we haven’t heard that before.” Dean muttered as he turned, “Are they the idiots?”

“Yeah.” Sam sighed as they watched four of them swagger closer thinking their shit don’t stink

“Well this is it Sammy, two weeks suspension so safe to say you won’t be coming back here.”

“Yeah.” Sam said with a smile

“Need help?”

“Nah I got it, you go wait at the car. They can’t do any more to me but if they see you they might get the cops.”

“Alright, five minutes.” Dean said and took Sam’s bag from him before heading out the door. He didn’t go to the car, he just stood on the other side of the glass and watched. He knew Sam could look after himself and he knew he had to let Sam do it alone but it took everything in him to walk away leaving him in that situation.

It only took a few moments for Sam to clean the unsuspecting bullies up. He walked out bleeding from the lip again but the guys left behind had a dislocated knee, broken nose, black eye and the last guy ran. It was pretty much all over before the teachers in classrooms nearby could raise the alarm.

Dean gave him a pat on the back, grinning from ear to ear as they climbed into the car and took off with a squeal of tyres.

When they got back to the motel they found their father had come back early too. Seemed they were having a family Friday night.

“Hey dad.” Sam said as they climbed out of the car.

“Do I want to know why you’re home early and bleeding again?”

“Nah it’s sorted, kinda got suspended though.”

“For picking a fight?”

“No apparently Bumfuck has a problem with knives in bags but no problems at all with people having a shit beat out of them” Dean said as he walked around the car

“You left your knife in your bag Sam?” John frowned

“It was an accident.” He muttered and looked at the ground. The boys only had a few rules to follow and one of them was to not draw any attention to the family if possible.

“And you got called in?”

“Yes sir.” Dean replied and there was a silent glare off between the two of them, Dean proud and happy Sam had the school call him and John wrapping his head around the fact Sam had given Dean’s number rather than his.

“Ok well seems we all have the afternoon off, in the car boys.” John said and put his hand out to take the keys from Dean.

John took them to a diner for lunch and then headed to where he had been working. Sam and Dean sat in the car while John went inside and talked to the owner, gave him a pat on the back and grabbed something off the bench. As he walked outside he gestured to the boys and they climbed out of the car. John walked over to large four wheel drive

“What do you think?” he asked

“What’s going on dad? You’re not selling the car are you?” Sam couldn’t even wrap his head around trying to sell this car with the modifications that had been made to it.

“Nope.” He replied cryptically, “Check it out.” He pushed a button and a panel slid out from the tray of the truck revealing the hidden compartment.

“What’s going on dad?” Dean asked

“Happy Birthday son, the Impala’s all yours.” John said with a small smile, throwing Dean the keys.

“Seriously dad?” Dean’s face lit up.

“Yep but you know the rules, you gotta look after her, she’s your responsibility now.”

“Yes sir.” Dean said as he turned to the car and ran his hands along the roof “I’m taking her for a spin.”

“You drive this car all the time Dean.” Sam said

“Yeah but this is different, now she’s mine.” His smile was huge and Sam smiled just for the sheer joy on his brother’s face

“Come on Sam I’ll take you back to the motel.” John said and Sam stood for a minute wishing his brother would ask him to go with him but Dean was too busy stroking the car and rubbing a smudge off the paintwork.

“Sure dad.” Sam sighed and jumped up into the truck, finally something he could stretch his legs out in but as he looked around he noticed it was only a two seater.

“I figured, knowing you boys, you’d wanna ride with your brother.” John said as he noticed Sam looking around.

 

That night John took Dean out to the local bar. Dean’s twenty-first was not officially until tomorrow and Dean had been going to bars with a fake I.D for years so there was no special significance but off they went.

 

The next evening, Dean’s official birthday Dean asked Sam if he wanted to go for a drive and they headed off. They drove around for a while, neither of them really speaking, Dean singing off key at the top of his voice if a song came on he liked and Sam just smiling as he looked out the window.  Dean pulled into a field in the middle of nowhere and they got out of the car and climbed onto the bonnet, sliding back to rest against the window. Dean handed Sam a beer and they sat back to look at the stars.

They hadn’t had a night like this for years. When they were little and John would sometimes pull over on the road, too tired to drive anymore, while he slept the boys would hang their heads out the windows and look up, waiting to see if they could see shooting stars but once Dean was old enough to drive, even if nowhere near licensed, they had just kept driving and nights like this were lost to the hunt.

“Happy birthday Dean.” Sam said as he clinked his bottle against his brother’s and they both drank deeply.

They sat there drinking, taking turns at grabbing beers from the boot, talking about everything and nothing. Sam was getting a drowsy buzz and Dean was silently watching as his brother started slumping against the window and slipping down the bonnet as he relaxed more. Suddenly a shooting star shot across the sky

“There it is, make a wish Dean.” Sam yelled as it flew past them. Dean made a wish and it was the same wish he had been silently saying for the week.

Sam slipped off the car went and got them more beers and then came around to Dean’s side of the car and stood beside him handing him the beer.

“Happy birthday Dean.” He muttered and Dean turned to look at him. Sam put his hand around Dean’s legs and spun him so Dean was now sitting on the bonnet with his legs hanging over the side and Sam between them

“Sam?” he whispered

“Happy birthday.” Sam stepped in and placed his lips on Deans. There was no hesitancy in the kiss, Sam sucked on Dean’s lips until Dean opened and they both moaned as Sam’s tongue slid in to drink from Dean.

Dean quickly dropped his beer and tangled his fingers in his brother’s hair to pull him forward and deeper into the kiss and Sam groaned as he slid his hands onto Dean’s hips and clenched tightly, probably bruising him but he didn’t care. They licked into each other and tongues duelled as teeth bit at lips and Sam frantically ate at his brother’s mouth as the kisses got harder, deeper and dirtier and then he slowly ran his teeth up the length of Dean’s tongue as he sucked it in and Dean went instantly hard.

Suddenly Sam’s desperate hands were at Dean’s belt and his jeans were unzipped and his brother’s large hand pulled him free.

“Fuck Sam.” Dean groaned as Sam’s hot huge hand slid up and down his cock. Dean pulled his mouth away to suck in much needed oxygen but Sam just stepped forward and bit and sucked his way down his brother’s neck to his collar bone where he clamped on, sucking, biting and licking while his hand slid up and down his brother, spreading the pre come the length of his cock making the slide hotter and wetter. Dean supported himself on his hands and arched off the car, shoving his cock harder into his brother’s fist and squeezed his eyes shut as he felt the pressure building. All the sudden Dean’s hands almost gave way and he almost slid off the car because Sam had leaned down and his mouth was now sucking at the head of his cock while his hand worked the rest of it

“Sam.” He groaned so low in his throat as he thrust up gently

“Fuck that Dean, come on give it to me.” Sam growled before dropping his head back down and Dean had a flash back to the night when he found out his brother had no gag reflex. He sat up, put his hands in his brother’s hair to hold his head still and thrust up, hard and fast into his mouth and almost down his throat. Sam licked and sucked and grazed his cock with his teeth and just when Dean thought he was going to lose it Sam loudly hummed and the vibrations made Dean shoot straight down his brother’s throat. Sam kept humming and sucking as he swallowed and very soon Dean was whimpering and lifting his brother’s head off his oversensitive cock.

“Fuck me Sammy where did that come from?” Dean growled and Sam just smiled and stepped forward again taking his brother’s mouth and licking in again, “Fuck Sam.”

“Is that the best taste ever?” Sam purred and as dirty as it was Dean dove in again to lick the taste of his come out of his little brother’s mouth and it made him hard again

 

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

 “So Sam what the hell?” Dean asked casually as they lay back on the bonnet.

“You didn’t like?”

“I think it was pretty obvious I liked but what the hell?”

“I lied when I said I didn’t remember last week.”

“You lied, are you fucking kidding me!”

“I was giving you an out. You’d been smashed around and had half a bottle of whiskey in you, it coulda been you didn’t know what you were you doing…you know… when you groaned my name out loud while fucking yourself” Sam smirked

“And now?”

“I see you lookin at me.”

“This is all your fault you know.” Dean grumbled

“How’s that?” Sam yelped

“If you hadna got drunk and sucked my fucking finger none of this would have happened. You know it’s so wrong what we’re doing.”

“Dean when have we ever had anything that’s right? We live in a fucking car, we hunt monsters. Fuck, look at us, I’m seventeen, you’re just twenty-one and how many things have we shot or stabbed. Our lives aren’t normal Dean why should this be any different?”

“We’ve killed monsters not people Sam and what we just did? Well that’s illegal, it’s fucking incest.”

“Well there hasn’t been any fucking…yet.”

“Sam!”

“There doesn’t have to be fucking Dean, we don’t have to go any further then we have now.”

“So Sam I won’t tell anyone, I’ll keep your secret but I think it’s safe to say you are gay.”

“No Dean I’m not. I like girls it’s just you.”

“Whaddaya mean it’s me?”

“I don’t know man, I just know that no other guy makes me feel like you do, no girl either but I know I’m into girls.”

“So you have had sex then?” Dean asked the question but felt jealousy sweep through his body.

He wasn’t sure if it was because Sam may have had sex with someone other than him or because Sam had had sex and not come and told Dean. Dean knew he hadn’t told Sam about his first conquest. A waitress twenty years older than his fourteen at the time who had realised pretty quickly he hadn’t done it before and had talked him through what to do and how and why. Sam had been ten at the time and his dad had been AWOL so he had no one to share that with. He had always thought he would have that with Sam, admitted to himself he was waiting for Sam to come to him to tell him about his first time so he could finally share his first time with someone.

“Ah no not really.”

“Not really?”

“Alright no.” Sam huffed and even though it was dark Dean knew he was blushing

“So if we do this I will literally be your first.”

“Well you’ve taught me everything else.”

“Yeah somehow Sammy this doesn’t seem the same as teaching you to ride a bike, or drive or shoot a gun.”

“Ok I get it, that’s that.”

“Oh no you don’t get it Sam, I will be your first, I will make sure it’s good and it’s right and I will make sure you never forget I was your first.”

“Oh Dean you’re so romantic…are ya going to buy me flowers and woo me?”

“You’re such an idiot.” Dean laughed

“That’s why ya love me.”

“Yeah I guess so.” He smiled

***

Dean was going insane, literally going bat shit crazy, walking around with an erection, drooling after his own brother, reading an innuendo into every single thing that was said and done insane and he knew why. Turned out his little brother was the biggest prick tease in this state, quite possibly this country. Sam had taken to showering with the bathroom door open, walking around in just his boxer shorts, eating food suggestively, which was a big ol talent with their dad sitting next to them, and drowning all conversations in sexual innuendo.

Since the discussion last week Sam and Dean hadn’t had much time together. It was coming up to full moon again so they were all researching and John had Dean out getting the lay of the land as such as well as still working and Sam was now doing more maintenance around the motel since he was home every day.

They could have had a rough and tumble in their motel room one night, in fact that was what Sam thought would have happened and should have happened already, but Dean, even though no wooing was involved, decided Sam needed something more than his first time being in an impersonal and only semi-hygienic motel room. He knew what he wanted to do he just had to plan it and, you know, try and do this before the full moon, before they moved on and before they got eaten by a werewolf.

**

“I’m heading out boys.” John said as he came into their room as the sun was going down.

“Where you headed?” Sam asked as he looked up from some studying he was doing. He may have got suspended from school but he had been going nuts with nothing to do so contacted the school and asked for some homework or assignments. He was still officially a student there, he hadn’t left the town yet, so they had given him some work to do and he was happy again

“Just out.” Joh muttered

“Oh sorry dad I thought you meant you heading off somewhere on a hunt.” Sam blushed

“Do you wanna talk about it?” John asked uncomfortably. Dean was just leaning up against the headboard of his bed watching the interaction silently while his mind turned

“No sir.”

“Sam a man…”

“No sir I really don’t want to talk about it, as much as Dean was red neck about it I understood what he was saying. We’re all adults here.” Dean snorted and John indulgently smiled, “What? I went on my first hunt and saved your ass, I think that makes me adult.” Sam snapped

“See ya boys, don’t fight too much.” John said and walked out the door.

“Actually I gotta few things I need to do too.” Dean said and slid off the bed. He watched Sam’s eyes widen before they squinted in annoyance and he pouted to himself but he didn’t say a word.

Dean headed out to the local mall where he bought supplies and then headed back to the motel.

When he got back Sam was in the shower and knowing Sam, between his hair and being a seventeen year old dude he could be in there until the water turned cold so Dean started pottering around the room getting things he needed and taking them out to the car. On the second trip back into the room he opened the door to find a gun in his face and a dripping and pissed off Sam holding the trigger.

“What the hell?” he yelped

“What the fuck Dean?” Sam yelled

“It’s my room too.”

“Yeah and we’re in a fucking town hunting something and you and dad both told me you were going out. You’re lucky I didn’t shoot you as soon as the door handle turned.”

“Don’t be a drama queen Sam we taught you to be prepared not be the poster boy for the NRA.”

“I’m here by myself and in the shower, the least you could have done was tell me you were back.”

“Ok ok Sammy I get it, my bad. Come on get dressed, let’s go for a drive.”

“Where? To Hicksville, Bumfuck’s neighbour?”

“Geez you’re in a mood.”

“You scared the crap out of me Dean.”

“Alright already, forget it I’ll see you later.” Dean gave up the idea he had been toying with and just wanted to get away from the torment that was his brother’s naked body covered only by a thin towel.

“Na ah you aint leaving me here in Bumfuck by myself, give me two minutes.” Sam said and pulled off his towel as he walked over to his bed, flashing Dean his tight, pale ass, before he pulled on boxers and loose jeans and then pulled a shirt over his head.

Dean had been thinking about what he planned to do to Sam the whole time he had been shopping and loading the car with a semi hard on and watching Sam made his cock turn hard straight away.

They jumped in the Impala, windows down, music blaring and drove, past the stores, past the houses, past the bars on the outskirts of town and their father’s truck and out onto the back roads and through the corn fields. Driving until Dean found what he was looking for, a grass field, house not visible for half a mile and no farm life. He had driven past here as he scoped the town and the animals werewolves might go for and found it failed in that capacity but would be perfect for tonight.

Dean turned the lights off and pulled over to the side of the road. Sam sat there quietly looking at him. Dean knew Sam knew what was happening. His breathing had got shallower and he was shifting uncomfortably in his seat. Dean was not going to look at him, he didn’t want to know what he would see in those eyes until they were out under the stars, he was scared he would see fear or doubt but he was more concerned he would see white, hot heat and wouldn’t make it out of the car, he was throbbing in his jeans already, he knew one look at Sam could have him coming like a thirteen year old.

“Come on.” Dean said casually and went to the boot where he handed Sam the esky and then reached in for the blankets he had taken from their father’s room. Their dad only used one bed so why not strip the other for a worthy cause and fuck if this was not a worthy cause.

Dean laid out the blankets on a flat spot cushioned with soft grass then reached into the esky and grabbed them beers.

“So is this you wooing me?” Sam asked with a smile as he took the cap off his beer and put it in his pocket, he then grabbed Dean’s cap before he could flick it into the field, littering, and pocketed that as well.

“Maybe.” Dean shrugged and could feel his face heat

“I don’t need wooing Dean.”

“Yeah but you don’t need your first time to be in a dodgy motel room in Bumfuck.”

“You know we’re really going to have to stop calling towns Bumfuck if we’re gonna do this.” Sam laughed

“You’re an idiot.”

“And you’re a romantic apparently.”

“Apparently.”

“So I get a blanket in a field out in the open for the world to see rather than a comfortable bed in a somewhat air conditioned motel room?”

“Hey you might not get anything at all if you don’t shut up.”

“Oh come on Dean don’t be like that.” Sam pouted and slid closer to his brother

“You wanna look at a cracked and stained ceiling on a bed that has had a thousand fucks or would rather look up at a sky full of stars on a bed of grass that has had no fucks.”

“I don’t care where I am Dean as long as you’re there.”

“Good answer.” Dean said with a small smile and they went back to silently drinking and looking at the stars. They very rarely did the big cities, spent most of their time in back towns and yeah they missed out on the bright lights but people in the city never got this view and they had no idea what they were missing out on.

They chatted about what they had learned about the werewolf, where they thought it might strike and what their next case might be. They had more beers, ate the burgers Dean had brought along and just relaxed. Then Dean pulled out a bottle of tequila

“Dean you trying to get me drunk?” Sam joked

“Nah man we’re just relaxing, don’t have any, I don’t care.” Dean said and took a swig. He lay down on the blankets, full in his stomach, a buzz from the beer and his baby brother beside him, tonight was a good night.

“So is this what you do with chicks?” Sam asked casually as he drank from the tequila bottle.

“What bring them out to a field so they can ask stupid questions?”

“Fuck you.”

“Actually you know what baby brother”, Dean said as he moved quickly and was suddenly lying across Sam’s chest, “Fuck you.” He purred and dropped his mouth down.

 

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sex, sex, sex

For the first time Dean took the initiative, he licked into his brother’s mouth hot and hard and dirty. Sam moaned and opened as he frantically sipped and licked and sucked. His hands came up and trapped Dean against his chest while Dean’s hands slid into his brother’s hair to hold him still so he could inhale him.

Dean could feel the length and the heat of his brother’s arousal against his thigh and he moaned as he pushed down into it. Sam pulled his head back to inhale much needed oxygen and let out a whimper as Dan ground down. Suddenly Dean’s shirt was over his head and off and Sam’s mouth was licking and sucking and nipping up and down his neck. Dean dropped his head so it was resting on Sam’s shoulder and just inhaled the scent that was purely Sam but now it was stronger, muskier with need and Dean growled before leaning even further down and biting on his collar bone. Sam cried out and thrust up into Dean as his arms tightened and he pulled him closer if that was even possible.

“I want to see you baby brother.” Dean growled in between kisses and Sam whined before slowly tearing his mouth away from his brother’s skin and pushing Dean off. Sam looked him deep in the eyes as he took his shirt off and kicked his shoes off but he looked down while undoing his jeans and pushing them down too. When he looked up again Dean was doing the same thing; he would never leave Sam hanging in a situation where he might feel uncomfortable without going there himself so Dean stripped off and the entire universe was silent while they gazed at each other.

‘Sam was beautiful’ Dean thought to himself although he would never say the words aloud, he wasn’t a chick. He had seen his little brother in all states of dress and undress but to see this magnificent body, lit by moonlight, flushed and hard and throbbing just for him was the most beautiful fucking thing Dean had ever seen or would probably ever see again.

Dean leaned forward and pushed his brother back down onto the blanket before straddling him. Sam whined and his hands came up to run all over his big brother’s chest and abs and biceps.

“Shh Sam we’ve got all night just relax.” Dean leaned down and whispered before running his tongue along the shell of his ear, Sam groaned and the sound ran through his body and up through Dean’s to make him even harder.

“Dean.” He almost cried as Dean licked down his neck and moved around to lightly suckle at his Adams apple, “That is fucking amazing.” Sam growled and Dean smiled

“That is just the beginning baby brother.” Dean whispered as he slid down and licked and sucked at skin that tasted slightly salty with sweat. He then suckled on Sam’s nipple and Sam shot up and almost dislodged his brother

“Shit sorry Dean.” He panted as he shoved his hands into his brother’s hair and held on

“So sensitive Sammy, so turned on.” Dean whispered as he felt the length of his brother’s cock resting against his ass where he straddled him

“Just for you Dean, fuck.” Sam moaned out, his voice wrecked

Dean slid down and ran his tongue along the length of his brother’s cock. It was hard, it was flushed, it was throbbing and pre come was leaking from the head and Dean groaned aloud as he inhaled the essence of Sam’s musk. “Fuck Sam this is gorgeous.” Dean whispered and it was but it was also bloody huge and although Dean’s mouth was watering he was also a little intimidated by the size and girth and worried he would choke before he satisfied his brother. But Dean had fought monsters, slayed demons and survived twenty-one years of the life they led so let no one say he backed down from a challenge; he took a deep breath and lowered his head. As he licked along his brother’s length Sam whimpered and almost pulled Dean’s hair out. Dean put his hands on his hips to hold him down, the last thing he needed was him suddenly thrusting up choking him.

“Dean that is fucking amazing, fuck I’ve never felt anything like…oh fuck.” Sam muttered and swore and Dean looked up to see Sam staring at him in complete awe, like he used to do when he was a kid and thought Dean was a superhero.

Dean smiled and lowered his head down as far as he could before slowly grazing his teeth up the length of Sammy and pushing his tongue against the pulsating vein

“Shit!” was the only warning he got before Sam came down his throat and Dean couldn’t help it he smiled and swallowed, “Shit Dean sorry.”

“Nah little brother, all good, that was just to take the edge off, now the real fun begins.” Dean smiled and moved up to mash their lips

“Fuck is that what I taste like?” Sam groaned as his tongue dove back in again

“Fuck Sam wouldna figured you for a kinky bastard.” Dean growled as he pulled his head back and pushed Sam down again, “Roll over.” He whispered and heard Sam’s breath catch as he froze for a second before he did what Dean asked

“Sam we don’t have to do anything else if you don’t want. Fuck just doing this is awesome.”

“No I want to.” Sam said as he spun around again, “I was just thinking you’ve blown me but you’ve still got that to deal with, do you want me to help take the edge off you too?” he said as he ran a finger up the length of Dean’s cock

“Nah it’s all good Sammy.” He smiled, even though his cock responded to Sam’s finger, and pushed Sam over.

Dean reached over to the esky and pulled out the tube of lube he’d bought earlier. He had stood in the drug store with a box of condoms in his hand, he had worn condoms every single time but not with Sam, he didn’t want anything coming between him and his little brother, no barriers, just purely the two of them. He had put the condoms back on the shelf. Now Dean looked down at his little brother who was flushed, panting and wiggling on the blanket and smiled. As Sam looked over his shoulder to see what Dean was doing a falling star flew past

“Dean…“

“Got everything I ever wished for right here baby brother.” Dean interrupted

“That is so gay.” Sam laughed

“So we’re done for the night right?” Dean said conversationally and went to stand up

“No Dean, please, I was kidding, if it makes you feel any better I’m gay for you too.” Sam said as he grabbed Dean’s arm

Dean leaned down and started kissing his brother again as he manoeuvred him back into position. He had a very brief thought of how easy this was, how relaxed and natural this was. Was it because they had lived in such close confines that they moved in sync? In the past he had to man handle women and tell them what to do to achieve satisfaction but Sam just seemed to know what Dean was thinking and moved with him.

Dean ran his hands all over his brother’s back and hips before leaning down and kissing his way down his spine and back up again before sucking on a shoulder blade. He was lightly massaging skin and muscles, and Sam, the horny seventeen-year-old that he was, was pushing his ass up into Dean trying to get traction. Then when his hips rose up off the blanket again Dean’s arm slid underneath to prop him up and without him saying a word Sam knew to move onto his knees. What Dean did next he would never have imagined doing in his entire life and probably would have hit someone who even suggested it, but he leant down and after burying his nose between his brother’s ass cheeks to inhale the scent that was purely him, he pulled his cheeks apart and licked his brother’s rim. Sam let out a groaning swear word and his arms would have collapsed if Dean didn’t move to hold him up

“Right there Sammy?’ he purred

“Holy fuck.” Sam growled so deep he almost sounded like their father. Dean smiled and moved back down.

His tongue ran over and around his brother’s hole before slightly dipping in. Sam growled and Dean could feel the tension in his body as he held back from pushing onto his brother’s face. Dean smiled and lubed up a finger

“Get ready baby brother.” Dean whispered and as Sam turned his head to look over his shoulder Dean slid one finger in.

Sam almost came at the look on his brother’s face. Dean was concentrating on what he was doing and was biting his lower lip as he looked down at Sam’s ass fifty percent turned on and fifty percent making sure he wasn’t hurting his baby brother and it was taking all of Sam’s willpower to not push back on Dean’s finger.

Dean worked his baby brother with his finger while he ran the other hand up and down his back and dropped kisses wherever he could reach.

“Dean.” Sam growled

“Hang on Sammy, I promise this is going to feel so good.”

“Dean it feels a little too fucking good now.” Sam growled and then Dean slid a second finger in, moved a little and hit Sam’s prostate making him scream out into the night, “Holy fuck.”

“Guess I found it huh?”

“I don’t know, maybe you should do it again just to be sure.” Sam groaned but his voice was completely wrecked. Dean laughed and did just that. For the next little while Dean just worked his brother open gently, holding Sam still so he couldn’t push back and hurt himself and dropping kisses over his skin, there was silence except for his heavy breathing and Sam crying out or whimpering every now and then when it got too much.

“Fuck I wish I could see you.” Sam muttered

“This is the best way to do it at the start Sammy, plenty of time to do it the other way down the track.”

“So there are gonna be other times?” Sam asked cheekily

“Oh yeah baby brother this is pretty fucking amazing.”

“Do you know what be even more amazing?”

“What?”

“If you stopped fucking teasing me and just took me already.” Sam growled and Dean burst out laughing but he was right; as much as Dean was fascinated by watching his fingers being sucked into Sam’s ass Sam was never going to be any more ready and Dean’s cock was almost aching it was so hard.

He took a deep breath and squeezed the base to stop him coming straight away, then covered himself in lube, probably a little too much even though there was no such thing when it came to making sure his brother was looked after and then rose on his knees.

“Ready Sammy?”

“God yes.” He groaned and Dean took another breath and lined himself up to his brother’s gorgeous ass.

Dean slowly sank down. Sam tensed at first but Dean felt him take a deep breath himself and relax his body and his ass pretty much did the rest. It seemed as if Sam’s ass was sucking Dean’s cock in and Dean groaned as he felt himself sinking into his brother’s damp heat.

“Fuuuccckkk.” Sam drew out a groan

“This is pretty fucking incredible.” Dean growled out between clenched teeth.

“Fucking amazing.” Sam whimpered and pushed back onto his brother

“Sam I won’t be held responsible if you keep doing that.” Dean warned

“What’ll happen?” he mouthed off and Dean pulled back until just the head of his cock was inside his brother’s heat before he snapped back in again, hard, and Sam threw his head back, eyes squeezed closed and cried out into the open air

“Sorr…”  
Fuck sorry, do it again.” Sam growled and Dean smiled, he was learning a lot about his baby brother tonight and so far he liked all of it.

Dean gripped his hands into his brother’s hips to hold him still and rode him. Now he knew Sam was not only not hurting but totally getting off on this he could relax and think about his own pleasure and his pleasure was building hot and fast. This was not going to last long. His little brother was so hot, so tight, so generous in taking all of him in and Dean could feel the tightening of his balls.

He leaned down and grabbed Sam’s cock and Sam let out a swear word he had never heard him use before, he then pounded into his brother causing Sam’s cock to slide into his tight fist with each thrust

“Dean I’m gonna…”

“Oh baby me too.” Dean growled, “Do it Sam, come for me.” Dean growled and bit Sam’s shoulder blade and Sam cried out as he shot his load all over his brother’s hand. His tightening ass sucked Dean in even more and Dean unloaded into his brother’s hot tunnel.

“Holy fuck, thank you Dean.” Sam muttered a few minutes later as they lay on the blanket looking up at the stars.

“Any time baby brother.” Dean smiled.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ANGST

As they drove back to the motel the ecstasy of the evening started to wear off and guilt was becoming a back seat driver to Dean. ‘What had he done? It was his own brother. How could he have even thought about doing that? Sam was young and a virgin, had been a virgin, he didn’t really know what he wanted and needed and Dean’s sick and perverted need had taken over rather than the protective need to keep Sam safe from all monsters and apparently that included Dean’.

He looked over at Sam and he was looking out the window with a small smile on his face, the edge of a hickey could be seen under the collar of his plaid. They had used his undershirt to clean up, it hadn’t been on purpose, his was just the closest at the time.

Now Dean had the guilt of knowing he had fucked his brother and the terror of their father seeing the hickey and finding out, ‘What the fuck had he just done?’

When they got back to the motel their father hadn’t returned yet so that was a bonus. Dean threw open the door and walked in ahead of Sam, throwing the keys on the table as he went to the fridge to get a beer

“Jump in the shower Sam, if you don’t get hot water on your body you’ll feel it tomorrow.” Dean said emotionlessly

“Dean?” Sam asked tentatively

“Shower Sam” he snapped and heard the bathroom door close as he looked at the window, it may have looked like he was looking out into the night but he was actually looking at the reflection of his baby brother, fallen face and drooping shoulders.

***

Sam stood under the shower and fought the tears back that were threatening. Tonight had been the best fucking night of his life. Dean had been fantastic, had looked after him every step of the way, as he knew he would, and he knew truly now that he did love Dean, it was sick and it was wrong but he did. He was complete when he was with Dean and what they just did seemed to seal the bond he felt between them. He had felt Dean change as they started driving home though, he could feel him slowly starting to pull away from him emotionally and he didn’t know what to do about it. Dean had been loving and giving out in the field but the Dean that was in the living room was cold and shut down and Sam didn’t have the experience or knowledge to know how to get them back to that place they were an hour ago and he was frustrated with himself. Maybe Dean had been lying when he said he enjoyed it. I mean he came but he was twenty-one years old, they came if they stuck their dick in a tail pipe, maybe Sam was bad at sex? He had been selfish, not really giving Dean what Dean had given him, had been more wrapped up in everything that was happening and what he was feeling; maybe he deserved Dean to be pulling away. All of these things and more were spinning through Sam’s head as he showered. He was almost getting whiplash from the directions his thoughts and emotions were going in.

He finally got out of the shower, pulled on boxers and went out into the room. Dean handed him a beer and walked past into the bathroom without saying a word.

Sam climbed into bed and lay there staring at the ceiling and waited silently. Dean came out in boxer shorts and started to climb into his own bed.

“Dean?”

“Hmm?”

“Can we share a bed tonight?” he asked tentatively

“No Sam what if dad sees us, we’re adults now for Christ’s sake.”

“Dean what’s…”

“Sam” yelled over the top of him to stop him talking then there was silence for a beat. “Sam this isn’t a chick flick movie this is gay porn and a bad one at that.” Dean said bitterly

Sam rolled over and faced away from Dean, “Sorry.” He muttered

“What for?” he sighed

“That it wasn’t any good.” Sam whispered as tears came to his eyes.

“Sam. Sam look at me.” Dean snapped when his brother ignored him the first time

“No, it’s ok Dean I get it.”

“Jesus you are carrying on like a virginal girl.”

“Well that’s not a problem anymore is it?” Sam snapped

“Sam I’m sorry.” Dean sighed to his brother’s back because Sam still refused to roll over and look at him. Little did Dean know it was because tears were rolling down his face

“Forget it.” Sam muttered

“Sam tonight…”

“I said fucking forget it.” Sam yelled suddenly. He jumped out of bed, grabbed his phone and keys and threw open the motel room door

“Sam!” Dean yelled in shock

“Shut the fuck up Dean. I get it, it sucked, it was mistake, I fucking get it so just shut the fuck up!” Sam yelled angrily and slammed the door before stomping to their father’s room. He then messaged his father that he was in there, last thing he needed to top off this shitty night was having the old man show up with a skeevy waitress.

“Sam?” Dean quietly knocked on the room door, it had taken him a moment to get over the complete devastation on his brother’s face and the tears running down his cheeks or he would have caught him before he got in the room, silence, “Sammy come on open up please.” Silence, “Sam let me explain.” Silence, “Sam it was a mistake what we did tonight, it was my fault, I shouldn’t have let it happen, please Sam.” Silence, “Please don’t run away again.” Dean almost whispered before he turned back to their motel room

Sam stood leaning against the wall next to the door, tears pouring down his face, listening to his brother say that the best night of his life had been a mistake. His heart was literally breaking, he could feel it in his chest shrivelling and Dean was smart, Sam had been contemplating how to get as far away from this place as quickly as possible but now he was not going to prove Dean right, he was not going to run, physically, mentally he was already running and shutting down.

***

The next morning John, hung over and not in the best of moods, looked at his two sons as they ate breakfast in the local diner. Both of them had frowns, pinched lips and shadows under their eyes

“What happened?” John sighed resignedly, he did not have the patience for this crap

“What do you mean?” Dean asked

“Why do you both look like crap?”

“Nothing happened sir, nothing at all.” Sam said and looked at Dean defiantly before looking out the window and taking a swig of coffee

“You’re not taking off again are you Sam?”

“No Sir, we’re coming up to full moon, got a hunt to finish.” Sam said and John sighed.

***

Sam went to the library to do some homework. There was no more they could research on werewolves, they had to just wait now for the full moon; but there was no way in hell he was staying in the same motel room as Dean, where the tension could be cut with an axe. He stayed until the library closed then he went and got a pizza and took it to the town park where he sat in the dusk watching as the last stragglers of kids headed home.

“So what? You’re just never coming back to the room now?” Dean asked casually as he came up behind him, seeing Sam’s shoulder’s tense when he heard his voice

“What are you doing here Dean?”

“You hadn’t come back and the library closed a while ago. We got worried.”

“Tell dad I’m fine.” Sam snapped

“I was the one worried Sam.” Dean snapped back and sat down next to his brother, “Can I?” Dean pointed at the pizza and Sam shrugged and nodded silently. Well this was just fucked up. So this is life from now on? Awkwardness and uncomfortableness? Yay for sex!

“So do you wanna talk about it?”

“The werewolf attacks? I think the thing might strike behind the movie cinema again.”

“No Sam, last night.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Sam shrugged

“Sam!”

“Finish the pizza.” Sam snapped and got up to walk away, he flinched as a few tender muscles pulled

“Sam are you ok?” Dean asked when he saw his face tighten, he put his hand out to hold Sam still

“I’m fine.”

“Are you in pain? I told you last night…”

“Shut up.” Sam pulled his arm free and walked away

“So this is it? You’re never going to look at me, talk to me or be in the same vicinity as me again?” Dean followed after him

“Dean I am too tired to deal with your crap. Just go away.”

“We need to talk about it.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Really mature Sam.”

“No Dean there is nothing to talk about. As far as I’m concerned it never happened. In my mind I’ve still never had sex and when it happens for the first time it will be great and awesome and maybe I’ll be better at it next time and it won’t be a huge fucking mistake that can ruin a family.” Sam snarled and turned away.

“Sam last night was fantastic and I don’t want you to forget about it, don’t want you to forget that I was your first.”

“Last night was a crock of shit, you were right it was bad gay porn, don’t try and make it into a chick flick now Dean, it’s too late for that. I’ve learned my lesson.”

“What are you talking about Sammy?”

“That I mean anything more to you than any of the other hundred one night stands you’ve had, the worst part for you is you can’t just give a fake name and run; I live with you every day so sucks to be us huh.”

“Sam it’s not like that, I don’t want you to think…” Dean put his hand on Sam’s arm to stop him walking away from him. He could see the pain in Sam’s eyes and he wanted to make it better. Sam pulled his arm away and swung around violently before yelling bitterly…

“Dean just stop talking about it and listen to what I’m saying. Nothing happened. Nothing.”

Dean let Sam stomp off in the direction of the motel while he stood there in silence. He had felt crap all last night and today about what had happened last night and honestly didn’t think he could feel any worse until right at this minute. Having Sam throw in his face that as far as he was concerned it never happened and he felt like a cheap one-night stand made Dean feel sick. He knew that it should never have happened, he knew that, but it had still been fucking fantastic and probably the best sex he had ever had and he had been so privileged to be his brother’s first and to hear that he had ruined it so much for his brother that he wanted to forget it had ever happened? Dean wanted to cry for the first time in years, but if there was one thing his father taught him it was that Winchester’s don’t cry; they do hit the whiskey though and Dean turned and headed to the closest bar.

***

Dean staggered into the room in the early hours of the morning. He looked to Sam’s bed but it was empty, he had a flash of panic before he realised his bags were still there so he hadn’t chased him away…yet. He had however succeeded in chasing him out of his room.

He had sunk almost a full bottle of whiskey and turned down a number of women who had offered their company for the night, he didn’t want them; he didn’t want them looking at him, talking to him or rubbing up against him; he wanted Sam. He wanted his brother open and smiling and happy like he had been the other night. Not only had he managed to ruin that night and his first time for his brother; it was possible he had also ruined himself for any future sex because still now he could almost feel Sam’s skin under his fingers, his breath in his hair and taste of his come in his mouth. Dean was completely fucked and not in the way he wanted.

***

Dean woke up the next day to yelling through the motel room walls and he knew it was his father and Sam. He threw back the covers and staggered next door, knocking when he got there. John threw open the door

“Nice Dean, when do we walk around the neighbourhood in our underwear?” John growled before walking back into the room. Both he and Sam were fully dressed and Dean wondered what time it was

“What’s going on?” he muttered as he squinted at them both

“Your brother just told me he’s leaving again; did you know about this?” John snarled

“What? No! Sam what?” Dean was struggling wake up and get past the whiskey hang over to comprehend what was happening, “You said you wouldn’t run away.” Dean said quietly

“I am not running away.”

“So long as you’re not leaving because you got some girl knocked up?” John said as he poured himself a whiskey

“What?” Where’d that come from?” Sam yelped, his voice two octaves higher with shock

“I’m not blind Sam I saw the hickey.” John snapped as he nodded at Sam’s neck, “Am I going to have a pissed off father showing up here with a shotgun?”

“No sir, nothing like that.” Sam muttered and was sure his blush was lighting up the room, he looked at Dean through his lashes and Dean was also blushing and looking at the floor.

“I mean it Sam you can’t just keep coming and going as you please when something’s not going your way.”

“Dad I’m not running away; my grades are almost good enough to get me into a good college with a scholarship.”

“You don’t need college. This is us, this is what we do.”

“I don’t want to do this. This isn’t me.”

“You’re making a big mistake and I won’t be there to clean it up this time. You go you stay gone you hear me.”

“Dad!” Dean snapped as he walked further into the room, subtly putting himself between Sam and their father.

“Thanks Dad, thanks for proving I’m right. Once we get done with this werewolf I’m done.” Sam yelled as he leaned over Dean’s shoulder to get in their father’s face.

“Why wait, if you’re going go now. We don’t need you for this anyway.” John hurled back spittle flying out of his mouth in anger.

“Fine!” Sam said and spun around, slamming out the motel room

“Fine.” John yelled back at the closed door.

“Dad what the fuck?” Dean yelped

“Little prick always acting like he’s better than us and that he can just run off to Bobby’s whenever things aren’t going his way.”

“Dad he  _is_  better than us. Admit it, the kid has kept himself in school and is kicking ass on his grades despite how we live. You knew he’s not cut out for this but he’s your son you can’t just tell him to piss off and stay gone.”

“Stop with your boo hoo protective co-dependent brother crap. Do you wanna go too? Do you wanna fuck off with him?”

“Why are you so pissed off? Last year you understood why he ran away, hell you let him stay with Bobby what changed?”

“I was ok with him staying at Bobby’s because you told me he was gay and we didn’t need that weakness around while we hunt. I meant it I had no problem with him being gay but he would be a magnet for the crap we hunt. But he’s not gay he just turned into a little bitch when you said something he didn’t like.”

“Dad he was right.”

“Yeah he was, you treat women like crap but we are meant to be family, we are meant to stick together no matter what, especially since this is what we do so he can go, we obviously can’t rely on him, depend on him or trust him. He’ll be distracted and one of us will get hurt or worse.”

“Dad you know I never talk back but I think you’ll be sorry.”

“You threatening me?”

“No I’m saying with the life we lead you’ll be sorry you pushed him away.” Dean said and turned to walk out the room.

When Dean got next door Sam was talking into a cell phone and packing his bags. As Dean walked in he muttered a thanks to the person on the other end of the phone and hung up.

“Going to Bobby’s?”

“Yeah he says he’s happy for me to come back, needs someone else to do the research so he can get out and do some hunting.”

“Sam it’s not because of the other night?” Dean flinched as he asked, he really didn’t want his brother spewing another wave of abuse at him but he had to know

“Dean I told you, nothing happened the other night so there is nothing to leave because of.”

“Sam I need you to know something if this is it.”

“What Dean?” Sam snapped frustrated

“That was the best night of my life but I shouldn’t have done it, we shouldn’t have done it. We’re brothers, not lovers. It was wrong and me, as the older and experienced brother shouldn’t have let it happen, I need you to know that but I really, really also need you to know that that was the best night of my life. Don’t ever think that you were no good because you were fucking fantastic and I’ll never forget it and I don’t want you to ever forget it.”

“I gotta go.” Was all Sam said in reply as he scooped up his bags

“How you getting there?”

“Thought I’d try travelling legitimately this time, I’m taking the bus.”

“Let me take you to the bus stop.”

“Stop Dean. Just stop. I heard what you said, so it was a good night for you, fine, whatever, doesn’t make up for the crap you said to me afterwards, I gotta go…” Sam sighed, “Thanks for the offer but I’d rather walk. Hopefully I’ll see you around some time. Just keep safe ok?” Sam said and headed to the door.

“Sam come on?” Dean was frantic, his baby brother as walking away from him and from all conversations, this could be it, the end of their bond. He was already devastated that Sam wouldn’t be in the bed beside his, in the car next to him as he envisioned, there to talk to, bitch to and confide in, but Sam was talking as if they were never going to see each other again, ever.

“it’s ok Dean between you and me I always knew it would end like this. I know that this is dad’s obsession but it’s not mine. I never knew mum and I struggle to see the reason for all this. It’s ok Dean.” Sam smiled and leaned forward to place his lips on his brothers.

Dean grabbed him and pulled him in close, opened his mouth and sucked in his brother’s bottom lip. He needed this. Sam sighed and just pushed back and away from him.

“See ya Dean.” He smiled slightly and walked out the door

 

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

Sam got himself settled back into life at Bobby’s. School was going well although he decided this time not to join any teams just in case, he didn’t want to let anyone else down again by fleeing in the middle of a season. He got himself a job at a local road house bussing tables; his fake ID helped with that; and he helped Bobby out with researching. If he felt lonely and sad and missed Dean, he tried to ignore it and just work or study harder to push it to the back of his mind. All of a sudden two months had gone by with no word from Dean or his father and although it hurt Sam knew he had brought it on himself by turning his back on the family business and although he had never really thought his father would ring to apologise he was pissed at Dean for following in the old man’s footsteps or being too cowardly to go against his ‘orders’ and call or text Sam himself.

Friday afternoon and Sam walked from the school grounds to his car. Bobby had built another one for him and Sam had painted it after school, it wasn’t the most professional job but it worked for him and he felt like he was contributing since he felt bad that Bobby kept giving him stuff. Today leaning up against his car, in dirty jeans maybe stained with blood, faded black shirt, leather jacket and five o’clock stubble was his big brother and Sam’s heart almost jumped out of his throat as he stopped two cars away from him and just stood there staring.

“Hiya Sammy.” Dean said with his customary smirk

“What’s wrong? Why are you here? Is dad ok?” Sam fired questions at him as he slowly moved closer.

“Good to see you too baby brother.”

“Dean!” he snapped

“Dad’s fine, everything’s fine.” Dean said as he pushed himself off the car and took a couple of big steps forward, putting himself in Sam’s space.

“Dean what are you doing here?” Sam huffed as he willed his body to not flee backwards

“Came to see you Sammy.” Dean said and Sam looked him straight in the eye silently, “Have you checked your phone?” Dean sighed

Sam pulled his phone out and saw a message from Bobby saying he was going on a hunt with John and would hopefully be back in less than a week.

“So what, you got stuck babysitting the idiot younger brother?” Sam snarled

“Are you kidding me? This is awesome. Dad and Bobby have gone off, I get a break and we get to hang out. It’s been months Sammy.”

“Only two.” Sam muttered and blushed when Dean smiled at him, realising he knew exactly how long they had been apart.

“Hey Sam is that your boyfriend.” One of the girls from his class called over and Sam turned to see a group of six girls standing there ogling Dean.

“What? Not gay Claire, this is my brother.” Why did everyone assume he was gay. Is it like when people say they can tell you are no longer a virgin, was there was some kind of glow or mark on your skin that shows you have been fucked by a man, thank Christ there wasn’t a mark that gave away the fact you had been fucked by your brother

“Ohh” she purred and the other girls giggled and ran hands over their hair. Dean looked over at them and winked and they all giggled and nudged each other.

“So are you coming to the game tonight?” she looked at Sam but he knew she was asking Dean, it was always Dean, whenever it came to females Sam was invisible and Dean was a God.

“What game Sammy?” Dean smiled openly

“Lacrosse.” He mumbled

“Aren’t you playing?” Dean frowned now, all his attention back on his baby brother

“No I didn’t join up when I came back, seemed safer.” Sam shrugged as he looked at the ground.

“Ok” Dean understood what Sam was saying and left the conversation there, “So are we going?” Dean flashed his thousand watt smile back at the girls who were hanging on an answer

“I’ve got to work but I’m sure Claire will keep you company if you want to go.” Sam said and looked over to Claire who was bobbing her head enthusiastically

“You gotta real paying job Sammy? Look at my brother all grown up.”

“Yeah gotta pay my way with Bobby.”

“Sorry Claire just got into town to visit my baby brother, maybe another time.” Dean said

“Can I give you my number?” she boldly asked

“I’m sure Sammy can get it for me.” Dean said and turned away, throwing his arm across Sam’s tense shoulders and leading them back to Sam’s car.

“Why didn’t you go Dean? You woulda got lucky and you could have had some fun. I have to study this afternoon before work, I’m not here to entertain you.” Sam said coldly as he shrugged Dean’s shoulder off him.

“That’s not why I’m here Sammy I came to see you.” Dean said calmly, he could see Sam was still pissed about what happened two months ago and wasn’t that happy to see him.

“Sounds like you’ve got all week to spend time with me, tonight you could go out, take the edge off.”

“You trying to get rid of me Sam?”

“You can do whatever you want Dean, I have an essay due and some research to do before I head off. This is like a mini vacation for you, you could be out getting some, I know at least two of the girls in the group would show you a good time, and probably at the same time from what I hear.”

“Follow you back to Bobby’s?” Dean changed the topic again and Sam turned to see the Impala parked across the front of his car and the car beside his.

“Yeah.” He sighed resignedly.

“So where do you work on a Friday night anyway Sam? Drive in theatre? Gas and Sip?” Dean asked as he walked back to his car

“The Road House.”

“What? Wait? What?” Dean jumped out of his car to look over the roof of it at Sam

“What?”

“You baby brother work at the Road House and you were about to send me off with kiddy porn? “

“I’ll see you back at Bobby’s Dean.” Sam said, completely ignoring his comment, and climbed into his car.

Sam had time on the drive home to regroup and wrap his head around the fact that not only was Dean here but it was going to be just the two of them for the next couple of days. Yeah he had wanted to talk to Dean on the phone, know he was ok. He would have been happy with just a text but to have the two of them in the house together, well that was just going to be uncomfortable and awkward. He knew Dean was doing his best to get things back to normal so now it was up to Sam to suck it up and follow Dean’s lead. He was the one who had said to Dean to forget it and pretend nothing had happened so now it was up to him to forget his brother had said it was the best night of his life and try and go back to treating him like he had before all that happened.

 

Sam studied while Dean watched TV and answered Bobby’s phones and tried to help hunters although most of the time he just yelled at Sam for the information. A couple of hours later Sam went up and got ready for work, when he came back down he yelled to Dean in the lounge room that he was off.

“Hey wait for me.” Dean yelled back

“What?”

“I’ll come with for a couple of hours, there’s nothing to do here and I could use a couple of drinks.” He answered and Sam could hear him rustling through his duffel and could almost see him pulling out shirts and sniffing them to see if they were clean. Wouldn’t occur to Dean to do some washing while he was at a place that actually had a machine he didn’t have to pay for.

“Don’t you think you should follow me in your car then so you can come home when you want?”  Sam called back but Dean came around the corner and stopped.

Dean stop dead, everything stopped, he stopped moving, he stopped breathing and he thought for a second his heart stopped beating. Hunter Sam and school student Sam were pretty much the same, baggy jeans and three layers of shirts and jacket covering everything and scuffed boots that were comfortable and easy to run in. Apparently bar work Sam wore tight jeans that showed off his miles of legs and his tight ass, a black shirt that was spray painted to his upper body showing muscles and a tan that Dean had no idea he had and cowboy boots. He looked stunning and Dean was literally drooling. He turned his back on Sam and adjusted his burgeoning hard on in his denim before turning back around.

Fucked if fucking his brother hadn’t ruined him completely. God the two years had gone fast since that night that had pushed them into this netherworld of morally and legally wrong sexual yearning. A drunk Sam provocatively sucking his finger and him thinking it was repulsive. Seemed a life time ago. Since then there had been blow jobs and the best fucking sex of his life. Yeah he had ruined the relationship he had with his brother by telling him it was wrong and they shouldn’t have done it. He was glad dad had dropped him here and headed off with Bobby. Gave him time to get their relationship back on track. He had tried really really hard to get the image of Sam spread open and coming because of him out of his head and it just wasn’t budging. There had been girls over the last couple of months. Not many, just enough to know they were no longer what he wanted and they weren’t managing to shake the image he was trying to lose. He had even flirted with a guy a few towns back but that had almost made him physically sick. He had heard what Sam said months and months ago, that he wasn’t gay and that it was just Dean. At the time he thought ‘HUH’ but seemed Sam was telling the truth. Dean wasn’t gay, it was just his baby brother that did this to him.

‘That’s what you wear to the road house?” Dean asked with raised eyebrows

“What? Gets me more tips.” Sam shrugged

“This isn’t a gay bar is it?”

“Dean stop with the gay crap.” Sam snapped

“I was just asking.”

“Are you coming or not?”

“I’m coming.” Dean said and walked out to Sam’s car, “What the hell is this piece of shit?” he asked as he climbed in the passenger’s seat trying not to look like he was worried he would catch some kind of contagious disease.

“Dean I swear to God I don’t have time for your crap. Bobby built for me to get around so shut it or take your own car.”

“Well Bobby musta been drunk when he finished it off, this paint job is fucked.”

“Thanks Dean.” Sam snarled

“What? What’d I say?” Dean looked at his brother to see his face was looking pissed off and he was blushing.

“I painted it.” Sam muttered as he took off down the road

“Oh well then it’s a good job, you know, for your first time, well do…”

“Just shut up Dean, you gave your opinion don’t try and back track now.” Sam muttered and turned up the radio

‘Fuck this is like walking through a live mine field.’ Dean thought to himself as he looked out the window. Why the hell couldn’t he just shut his trap? He knew why, because the Sammy of old he had been able to say anything to. Sam used to be the one person in the world he  _could_  say anything to. They had shared secrets, fears and dreams. They had had bitch sessions about dad and they researched and sound boarded off each other when hunting. If there had been one person he never had to think before he talked to it was Sam, until now. Now it was like talking to a polite stranger and he was worried how the next days were going to go if this atmosphere didn’t change.

When they got to the road house Dean waited while Sam climbed out the car and he told himself it was in no way so he could check out his ass as it moved. Sam walked in and called out to the owner and a few regulars as he headed out the back.

“Yo Sam I thought we might try you behind the bar for a couple of hours tonight until we get busy,” the owner said

“Really? Thanks.” Sam said with a big smile and headed behind the polished wood and metal bar.

“Well Sammy let me be your first customer then, hit me with a beer.” Dean said as he slid onto a stool

“Sorry this is my brother Dean.” Sam said as he slid a bottle down the bar to him while looking like he really did want to hit him with it. He then turned his back on him and got an education in how it worked behind the bar. Sam was a quick learner and had everything including the cash register down pretty quick.

He then served his first group of men, mechanics by the look of them, before getting a tray of shots ready for labourers sitting in the pool table area and then turning back to flick the regulars whatever rotgut they were drinking before they even asked. Dean sat back on the stool and watched his brother in action. He was friendly, attentive to the waitress, quick at getting drinks ready and even quietly slipped from behind the bar and broke up a verbal disagreement up the back before anyone, other than Dean, had really noticed it was going on. Dean had been on edge and on the edge of his stool when Sam went to break up the disagreement but it came to no more than a few shirt grabs before Sam ushered them out the bar without anyone else being inconvenienced.

After a couple of hours’ things started to get really busy so the owner and a more experienced bar tender worked the bar while Sam worked the room. Dean was protective of his brother, that was his word and he was sticking with it, there was no way the word was jealous, he was protective of his brother as he watched older women blatantly rub against him or stroke him as he took their drinks orders; watched younger women cup or pinch his butt and give him their phone numbers and he even watched a couple of guys’ brush against him or touch him as he cleared their table. Dean sat there and watched Sam slip tip after tip into his pocket, mixed in with phone numbers and hell knows what else and he got tenser and more pissed off as the hours ticked over. He had a few shots and beer and was now on whiskey even though he knew he should be keeping sharp in case something went down.

“Your brother’s a natural.” The owner of the bar said as she came over to refill his glass

“Yeah he seems to be working the room pretty good.” Dean muttered

“Are you sure you’re his brother?” she asked as she stared at him

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dean’s eyes flashed back to her from where he was watching his brother

“Well I kinda get a vibe from Sam and you haven’t taken your eyes off him all night. I don’t have a problem if you two are together but it works in Sam’s favour if people think he is available.”

“We’re just brothers, I’m just keeping an eye on him.”

“Well Sam knows how to handle himself and anyone else that tries anything in here, he’s great at breaking up frights before they even start, so you might wanna stop staring at him like you’re gonna beat up anyone who touches him else you’re gonna have a shit night. He gets touched a lot and he gets a lot of tips.”

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“Yeah but if I think you’re going get all protective and start something I’m gonna have to ask you to go.’

“Lady I’m just sitting here drinking my whiskey, I promise I won’t start a thing.”

“Ok then.”

“But if someone else starts something and Sam’s in danger…” he scowled

“Noted.” She nodded and walked off

 

At the end of Sam’s shift, midnight, Sam tipped a very drunk Dean into the passenger seat of his piece of shit car and headed back to Bobby’s.

“Hey we’re here.” Sam said when he pulled up but Dean was passed out. “Dean wake up or I’m leaving you here.” He said as he slapped him on the arm but Dean just muttered and shifted in the seat, “Have it your way princess, good night.” Sam said and climbed out of the car.

Sam went inside, stripped off his stale beer smelling clothes in the laundry, emptied the pockets of his jeans, throwing everything on the kitchen table, and headed upstairs to shower. As usual he was still wound up from work so he went back into the kitchen, grabbed a beer out of the fridge and flopped down onto the couch, flicking on the news channel. He was interested in the news but he also found it calming and usually made him sleepy pretty quickly. As he sat there he wasn’t really concentrating on the TV, he felt kinda bad for leaving Dean out in the car but he was a grown ass man who had found his way home from many bars over the years so he could figure it out. After finishing his beer and almost comatose he decided maybe he should go have another go at waking him before heading up for the night but even as he stood up he heard the back door open and Dean shuffle in.

“You were gonna leave me out there?” Dean looked hurt

“I tried waking you man, you wouldn’t budge.”

“And you were going to go to bed.”

“No actually Dean I was just coming out to have another go at waking you.” Sam snappped “But now that you’re in yes I am going to bed.” Sam said and headed up the stairs. Dean watched him go, walking up there in soft pyjama bottoms and a singlet and his dick twitched again and then all the jealousy of the last five hours washed over him as he thought of all the women and men who had pawed at and touched his Sammy.

Dean’s eyes flashed to the table and saw a pile of paper there. He fished through it, realising that Sammy had done well with tips but also realised that there were about five pieces of paper here with phone numbers written on, and that wasn’t including a couple of match books and a couple of business cards. Dean turned and walked up the stairs, bypassed his bedroom and went into his brother’s.

“What Dean?” Sam sighed from the bed where he was reading

“Got quite a bit of fan mail down there little brother.”

“It’s nothing, it happens all the time, they’d probably completely freak if I actually follow up on any of those numbers.”

“Happens all the time?” Dean snarls

“Yeah Dean it does ok. Apparently some people find me good looking when they get alcohol in them. Is it flattering to me that I look good through beer bottle glasses? Not really; been there, done that, know how the story ends.” Sam said and went back to reading

“Come on Sam you musta wanted to take someone home and get your rocks off.”

“Dean I’m not eighteen yet, all those women in there are years older than me and half of them would chew me up and spit me out. I think I’m better starting with someone at least my own age don’t you?”

“You started with me.” Dean snapped and Sam let out a huff of air.

“I don’t want to talk…”

“You know what I don’t care because I do.” Dean talked over him as he walked into the room. “How do you think I feel when I see all those women and some men touching you and ogling you and shoving their phone numbers at you?”

“I don’t know, what’s it matter?”

“What’s it matter?” Dean snarled getting angry at Sam’s nonchalance, “I am your big brother Sam and I have fucked you, I was the first person who touched your body. You are mine and I don’t like all those dirty, grubby paws touching you.” Dean snarled possessively as he climbed onto Sam’s bed.

“Dean what are you doing?” Sam asked in trepidation.

“I am marking you as mine Sam. You belong to me.”

“I don’t belong to you Dean, you made that quite clear…”

“Shut the fuck up, I made a mistake. I shouldn’t want this, want you, it’s wrong but I don’t care Sam. I need you. I need to kiss you, taste you, fuck you.” Dean said as he leaned down and ran his tongue across Sam’s lower lip

“Yeah well that’s not happening again Dean so go back to your own room.” Sam said as he pulled away from Dean

“Can I at least sleep here?” Dean sighed, the drive here and the alcohol suddenly catching up with him

“You want to sleep in my single bed?”

“With you.” Dean clarified because he knew Sam could see an out in the statement he made

“When did you become such a chick?”

“The minute I stuck my cock in you. I think some of your princess dust rubbed off on me when we made love.”

“No you had it right the first time Dean, we fucked.”

“I’m too tired and too drunk to argue.” Dean muttered and curled in against Sam, Sam sighed and shifted over on the bed so Dean could have some more room and Dean put one hand across Sam’s stomach and fell instantly asleep.

Sam read to the end of the chapter then slowly slid out of bed, took off Dean’s boots and put a blanket over him, Dean shifted and muttered but stayed asleep. Sam then went next door and climbed into the bed Dean was meant to be sleeping in. He didn’t trust Dean with the way he had been acting tonight and in all honesty he couldn’t trust himself to not do something in his sleep. Although he had tried to put that night behind him he still had vivid dreams about it and he still woke up rock hard and craving. Safer for both of them if there were two walls and two doors between them.

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

The next morning Dean woke up in bed alone with a headache from hell. He turned his head to sniff at the pillow and although he could smell the faint essence of Sam it was obvious he hadn’t slept here last night. A squinted look at his watch showed it was close to lunch time so Dean stretched and scratched his stomach before climbing out of the bed and making his way to the bathroom, he looked in his room as he walked past and could see the bed had been slept in. Sam had fled from him again. In the bathroom was a box of headache tablets and a glass of water holding down a note from Sam saying he had gone to study group. Dean snorted at the thought of doing even more homework on the weekend but that was so his nerd brother. He went down to the kitchen where there was another note saying his clothes were in the washing machine and to hang them out. Geez it was like being married, but without the good stuff, Dean thought to himself.

He shoved his clothes in the dryer, made himself a sandwich, grabbed a beer and plonked himself down in front of the television to watch motor racing.

After a couple of hours, and bored, Dean rang Sam’s phone but it went straight to voice mail so he powered up the lap top to see if there was anything exciting around. He surfed their usual web sites and random conspiracy theory and alien siting sites that they scanned. It was quite often that a ‘bogus’ story could lead to a real hunt.

Dean was never very good at being stuck with his own company and after Sam’s phone went to voice mail again Dean dressed in his oh so soft and pretty smelling clothes and headed into town, as he drove down the street he saw Sam standing on the footpath with a group of students, some of them being the girls he met yesterday. He pulled over, wound down the window and yelled out. Sam jumped and flushed as he heard his name and then came to the car.

“What’s up Dean?” he asked as he leant down to stick his head in the open window

“I’ve been ringing you but your phone’s switched off.”

“Study group Dean, wouldn’t get much studying done if phones were going off all the time.” He said and Dean opened his mouth to reply but another head pushed through the window

“Hi Dean.”

“Claire right?”

“Oh you remember.” She giggled

“So you’re in study group?”

“Oh God no.” she giggled again, “We were just asking Sam what you and well he were up to tonight.” She giggled and Dean looked past her to Sam’s pissed off face, now he knew why Sam flushed when he pulled up, Dean always used to joke about being the hotter brother but after last night he was not sure if he could do that anymore.

“Sorry Claire no can do.” Dean said and looked at Sam, “See you at home?”

“Yeah I was just heading there.” Sam huffed and walked away.

“So now Sam’s left…?” Claire hinted

“Sorry Claire you’re a little too young for me but it was nice to meet you.” Dean shut her down and started the car up. He saw anger flash through her eyes as she stepped back but he just waved and drove off.

Sam’s car was there when he pulled up and he smiled and relaxed as he walked in the house

“Sammy?” he called

“What?” he yelled back from his bedroom

“Whatdaya wanna do tonight?” he called back. He heard a door open, another one close and then a few minutes open again and looked up as footsteps could be heard coming down the stairs

“Sorry Dean I’m working.” Sam said as he sat at the table to pull his boots on

“Again?”

“Yeah Dean it’s a roadhouse, Friday and Saturday are the busiest nights.”

“Sam all you’ve done since I got here is study or work.”

“Dean you can’t just rock up out of nowhere and expect me to drop everything to entertain you. Look there’s a couple of strip clubs in town and I’m sure you can find a poker game going somewhere. I gotta go.”

“Wait I’m coming with you.” Dean sighed

“Again?”

“Well it seems to be the only way I can spend time with you so yeah again.” Dean snapped and grabbed his leather jacket.

The night seemed to be going like last night. Sam served drinks, bussed tables, flirted with and got flirted with by ladies and men and Dean watched as tips and phone numbers were pushed into his pockets. Faded blue jeans Dean didn’t even know he owned fit him like a glove and another black shirt was getting Sam way more attention than he liked.

“I can hear your teeth grinding from here.” The owner said as she refilled his whiskey glass.

“I’m just worried about him, he never stops.”

“Well if he wants to get into Stanford he’s gotta go hard and all these tips have got to help with that right?” she said and walked off while Dean sat there shocked.

Stanford? Stanford? When the hell had that happened? That was like one of the top schools in the country, he knew Sam was smart and he kept on top of things despite the hundred schools he had probably been to through the years but…

“Stanford?” he accused as Sam came up beside him

“Who told?” he snapped and Dean nodded towards the owner “I just applied, I’ve applied to a lot of colleges, probably won’t get in.” Sam shrugged

“Sam you are good enough, smart enough to get into any college, don’t let anyone tell you any different.” Dean said. He was in shock but he wasn’t going let anyone talk down Sam, including Sam.

Sam opened his mouth to reply but a smash was heard behind them and they both turned around to see a fight starting. Sam pushed away from the bar and threw himself into what was quickly becoming a melee.

“Call the police.” Dean yelled at the owner who already had the phone in her hand, and ran after Sam.

Dean ran to the back of the room in time to see Sam get punched in the face before he could react and Dean saw red as he grabbed the culprit and punched him hard enough to knock him out. Sam meanwhile had got himself into fighting mode now and was fending off and dropping men as he waded through the group. Three men had already fled after seeing these two men with determined and angry looks coming at them but another five had to be physically subdued by the boys. They were back to back the way they had been taught their whole lives. Sam would push, Dean would punch. Dean would duck, Sam would break a nose. When one idiot picked up a pool cue Dean imbedded a nose and Sam broke some ribs. By the time the police arrived there were five men in various states of bleeding on the floor and Dean and Sam had three pressed up against the wall.

It got a little awkward for a while while the owner tried to explain that Sam and Dean were the saviours and not the instigators but eventually Sam was able to slip out into the back room before the police looked too closely at him. He pretty much assumed the owner was onto him and the fact that he wasn’t twenty-one, but he had an ID so she could claim plausible deniability, I mean if anyone knew how to do perfect fake IDs it was the Winchesters, but he wasn’t hanging around to get her in trouble.

“Hey she said we can go.” Dean said as he pushed into the room

“Go? I still have half a shift to finish.” Sam said as he looked up from studying the floor while leaning against a bench, not really thinking about anything, just moving his jaw to see if it was broken.

“Sammy I think you should look in a mirror; you’re not fit to go out there again plus she’s pretty much shutting the place down for the night.” Dean said. “She did give us this though as a thanks.” Dean smiled as he held up a bottle of tequila. “She said we are probably going to need it and by the look of you I would say she was right.”

“What do you mean?” Sam frowned although he could feel parts of him starting to sting and ache now the adrenalin was wearing off

“Come on Rocky let’s get you home.” Dean smiled and headed out the back door. If there was one thing Winchester’s knew it was how to leave a room without making themselves obvious to police.

When they got back to the house Dean pushed Sam down into a dining chair and checked him over. He had a bruise coming up under his eye and a split lip. Dean got Sam to hold ice to his eye while he dabbed lightly at the lip.

“Lift up your shirt.”

“Dean.” Sam whined

“I need to see if you have any broken ribs Sam.”

“I’m fine.”

“Sammy…” It was a parental warning voice and Sam sighed as he stood and raised his shirt. Although he was bruised his movement wasn’t compromised and he could breathe ok so he was pretty sure nothing was broken.

Dean ran his hands along Sam’s’ sides while staring at him, he was trying to be clinical about the examination but parts of his body were starting to twitch in interest. As he ran his hands over his brother’s warm skin he watched as he trembled and goose bumps appeared.

“I’m gonna have shower.” Sam said and stepped away from him, “Here put the ice on your own eye.” Sam dropped the peas into his brother’s hand and walked away before Dean could see his cock straining against his denim. Thank God for tight jeans that kind of held everything in place.

While Sam was upstairs Dean rang for pizza; neither of them had eaten, he was starving and he wanted to hit the tequila but knew he shouldn’t do that on an empty stomach. Due to forces greater than him Sammy and he had a Saturday night to themselves and Dean was feeling happy and content for the first time in a long time!

“Sam what you doing?” he yelled

“I’m gonna do some study.” Sam said as he came down the stairs

“Oh come on man take a night off, if you were still working you wouldn’t be studying.”

“Dean I have an assignment due”

“Come on Sam I haven’t had a chance to spend any time with you since I got here.”

“You only got here yesterday Dean.”

“I know and this is the most conversation we have had since then. Come on just chill out and have a couple of beers with me.”

“Fine.”

“I ordered pizza.” Dean said as he handed him a beer and they stood silently while drinking, “Hey do you know what we haven’t done in a while?”

“What?” Sam looked wary

“Smashed something!”

“What?” Sam now looked confused

“Come on Sam lets go smash something. We’ve got the night off, we have to wait outside for the pizza anyway since the dude aint getting past Rocksalt, let’s smash something.” Dean’s eyes were bright and he was grinning with excitement and Sam found it contagious. Dean was right he was on holidays as such. If the dude wanted to smash something who was he to say no.

They took their beers out to the yard, each of them scooping up a tire iron as they went, Dean then grabbed a pair of gloves and threw them at Sam

“What’re these for?”

“Can’t have you hurting your soft little hands princess.” Dean joked even though he was serious about Sam not hurting himself and they found a banged up old Pontiac to beat into.

This was something they used to do as kids and Bobby used to let them, mainly because at their young age they hardly did any damage. Maybe a few minor scratches, hurting themselves more than the car as the ricochets of metal hitting metal used to vibrate through their bodies. Later on, before John and Bobby stopped talking, they would come out together or alone to vent their frustration or anger at their father or anything else that was unfair in their shitty lives and Sam had come out here after arriving at Bobby’s the first time to smash up an old Volkswagen as Dean’s words kept echoing through his head.

Both of them laid into the boot of the car, denting and buckling it as they alternated blows. They then smashed a couple of windows and Dean laid into a wheel and hubcap. Sam heard a horn and turned as Dean ploughed into the front window sending glass flying in all directions and showering Sam in shards as Sam turned to the gate

“Fuck Dean.” Sam yelled

“Sorry.” Dean said but he had a wide smile on his face and he was puffing with the exertion used.

Sam went and grabbed the pizza and Dean headed back inside. Dean grabbed paper handtowel and beer while Sam dropped the pizzas into the coffee table and put his feet up.

They were watching a boxing match and sporadically chatting as thoughts and memories came to their heads and Sam went and grabbed more beers. After the fight was over, with opinions expressed about the winner and how he won, Dean flicked it to a Die Hard movie and they sat back. Without saying anything Sam went and grabbed the tequila and some salt. Limes or lemons were a luxury they didn’t have and had never had. Salt stopped the burn. As he slammed the shot glasses down on the table and flopped onto the couch Dean looked up for the first time

“Sammy you’re bleeding.” He gasped as he shot up

“What? Where?”

“Your face.”

“My lip?” he asked as he ran his tongue over his lips, making Dean silently groan

“No your cheek.” Dean said as he came over to grasp his face. As he held it up to the light he saw a few shafts of rainbow colours reflect in Sam’s hair, “Damn it it’s the glass.”

“What?”

“Sam the glass from the window went all through your hair and it must have cut your cheek.”

“I told you Dean.” Sam was immediately angry as he lifted his hand to his face

“No you didn’t you just swore at me but I’m sorry. Come on you gotta have another shower to get the glass out.”

“Fine.” Sam huffed and stood up from the couch. He pulled his shirt over his head as he headed off.

“Here take one for the road.” Dean said as he cracked the bottle and poured some spirit into a shot glass

“I’ll need more than one.” Sam replied and threw the spirit back, burning his throat on the way down, before handing the glass back to Dean in anticipation.

“Really baby brother? Think you’re up to it?”

“I think I can handle two shots Dean.” Sam answered sarcastically before throwing the other one back and heading upstairs to take a shower, unbuttoning his jeans as he went. Dean growled and threw back two shots himself even before Sam had reached the top of the stairs.

After Sam showered again he came back downstairs but this time he was in his sleep pants and a singlet, no point dressing again when he planned on going to bed soon. Dean was still watching Die Hard, feet up on the table, bottle of beer in his hand, he sat up when Sam came in.

“Sorry Sammy, guess we shoulda listened to Bobby all those years ago when he told us to wear safety goggles”

“It’s all good Dean, as if that’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.” Sam sighed as he flopped back down onto the couch he then leaned forward and poured two more shots.

“You ok there Sammy? This’ll be your third.”

“Yes mum.” Sam snarled curling his lip before clinking his shot glass against Dean’s and throwing the spirit back. Dean followed suit and then sat there and watched as Sam tried not to flinch while a pink tinge flushed up his skin and his eyes watered and he washed it down with a swig of beer. He smiled to himself and filled the glasses again. Sam sighed but didn’t back down and threw the shot back.

If there was one person Sam could trust getting drunk with it was his big brother. They finally felt like they were back to the way things were before the night that won’t be mentioned and Sam knew Dean would look after him so he let his guard down and just enjoyed the relaxing night

“You know dad was a dick for saying what he did to you.” Dean said out of nowhere after a while of silence

“What?” Sam gasped in surprise. Dean hardly ever bitched about dad and when he did it was because he thought he was putting Sam in danger. To bring this up out of nowhere was a shock

“You heard me.”

“I always knew how dad would react but I meant what I said Dean. This isn’t my fight; I didn’t know mum.”

“Hey you know the rules about talking about mum.”

“Yeah, yeah I know but come on it’s not our fight, its dads. I don’t want to do it Dean.”

“Yeah I know Sammy I’m actually surprised you lasted this long before taking off.”

“Because of you Dean.”

“What?”

“I would have left dad and come here years ago or gone and found our relatives if it was just him and me but I didn’t want to leave you. It killed me to leave you. Leaving dad wasn’t even a decision, leaving you kept me awake at night. I’m sorry I left you with him.”

“Sammy you didn’t leave me with him. This is my life. Yeah it was you and me against the world but I was never going to leave dad. This is how I was brought up”

“You brought me up, he trained you to be a soldier. Thanks Dean”

“Hey don’t get all maudlin on me cause you got tequila in you.”

“No I’m just saying it now while I can. Who knows when I’ll see you again once dad gets back.” Sam sighed as he looked at the tv screen, he could feel tears starting to well, everything in life was pretty good right now except for the fact he didn’t have his big brother beside him to share it with.

“Hey Sam.” Dean said as he got up from the arm chair and came over to flop down next to him, “You are my baby brother, don’t ever forget that. Nothing comes between us, not even dad.”

“Really?”

“Promise.” Dean said and handed him more tequila

Sam sat there in silence, eyes facing the tv although he wasn’t watching. His face was kind of throbbing and his ribs hurt a little but the spirit had made him warm and fuzzy. Dean had his arm slung across the back of the couch in his customary position and his head was lulling to the side a little too so obviously the tequila was chilling him out. Sam sighed, closed his eyes and dropped his head back so it was resting on Dean’s arm and Dean mindlessly started carding his hands through his hair, it was almost unconscious, he had been doing this forever but this time Sam was close to drunk and his brother’s hands in his hair felt good, almost too good. Sam could feel his body start to come alive, as if it recognised those hands as the hands that had been the first to really touch him and give him pleasure and Sam let out an involuntary moan as Dean pulled a little harder than usual.

Sam opened his eyes and looked at his brother to find Dean staring right back at him. The tv was forgotten and Sam could see in his brother’s eyes the need that he felt flowing through his own body. Without another thought Sam slid over and slipped into his brother’s lap, straddling him across his hips as his lips came down hard and dirty meeting his brother’s perfect mouth in a hot and hard kiss.

Dean immediately opened and tongues clashed as teeth bit and Dean wrapped is hands into Sam’s hair again, holding him still and moving his head for deeper and harder access. Sam could taste the saltiness of blood from his split lip but before he could react Dean’s tongue came out to lap at it and suck at it and Sam groaned and ground his hips against Deans as he felt their cocks brushing together.

“Fuck Dean.” He growled when Dean finally pulled his mouth away to slide his tongue down his little brother’s throat, smelling the shampoo and the soap and tasting Sam’s skin and a tinge of sweat. The taste of him and Sam groaning his name had Dean thrusting up against him in urgency.

“God I missed you Sammy, I need you.” Dean growled as he bit and sucked on his brother’s neck and his hands slid down to Sam’s ass, pulling him in close to him as he shoved his cock up against Sam’s body.

“Yes Dean, yes.” Sam gasped as his own hands slid down to undo Dean’s jeans, “Dude how many fucking buttons are there?” he growled in frustration as he wrestled with the denim

“Sorry baby brother.” Dean said but Sam could feel him smiling against his skin and leaned down to bite him on his shoulder causing him to jerk up and a shudder to run through him.

“Fuck Sammy do that again.”

“What? Bite you?”

“Yeah baby brother, bite me, suck me.” Dean growled in between licks and kisses of his own and Sam bit down hard before sucking Dean’s skin into his mouth. He felt Dean shudder under him and felt power that he could make this man feel like this. Meanwhile Dean’s tongue was playing with Sam’s nipple through his singlet, sucking on it until the material was wet and then biting down on the hard nub and playing with it with his teeth through the cotton

“Dean keep that up and I am going to come right here on your stomach.”

“God fuck yes.” Dean groaned and his hands moved to push down the soft cotton of Sam’s pants, grasping his cock as he freed it and his gorgeous ass, “Fuck come on me Sammy, come on me now.” Dean growled as he tightly fisted Sam’s cock.

Sam was wound up, tired and fuck seventeen so it only took a few strokes of Dean’s calloused hands to have him throwing his head back and crying out as he shot his load across his brother’s stomach and chest.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Sam gasped as he slid up so his big brother’s cock rested between his ass checks.

“Sam, no you’re not ready.’ Dean gasped but Sam just sat there sliding up and down on his brother’s lap putting his hand behind him to hold his brother’s cock between the moist heat of his sweating ass cheeks. He held him there in his hand and slid up and down while his brother jerked his hips forward fucking but not quite fucking his brother and Dean, having dreamt about almost this moment for months, let loose and came up his brother’s back. “Holy fuck Sam.’ Dean gasped as he fell back on the couch and Sam almost collapsed on top of him before rolling off onto the couch again.

“Sorry, tequila man.” Sam said but he was smiling as sweat glistened his flushed face

“If that’s what tequila does to you we’re drinking it more often.’ Dean said as he got up on shaky legs and pulled Sam up, “Come on bed and the same one this time, no way I’m letting you sleep in the other room.”

“K” was Sam’s sleepy reply and Dean held his wrist the whole way upstairs and into Sam’s room before pushing him down on the bed, he then wiped them both down with a cloth from the bathroom before climbing in beside him.

Sam let out a sigh and climbed on top of Dean like he used to do as a kid and with his head nestling in Dean’s shoulder both of them sighed as they fell asleep.

 

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry - this chapter kind of wrote itself and went in a different direction then where I wanted it to go when it started.
> 
> All comments and constructive criticism welcome. This is leading somewhere we just apparently had to have a pit stop

Dean woke up mid-morning the next day and rolled over. Sam was gone but his smell was still there and the bed held a shadow of warmth so he had stayed all night. Dean sighed and rolled over, he was turning into such a chick when it came to his brother but he didn’t care, Sam was right, he didn’t know how long they had together before John showed up again to take Dean away and for the first time in as long as he could remember Dean was questioning and resenting a little their lifestyle. He wished it was as easy as deciding to stay with Sam. Their dad needed him and he needed to be needed. It killed him that Sam was off doing his own thing now and not trailing behind him relying on him like he had been for his entire life. He had raised Sammy strong minded and strong willed and gave him the safety and protection to be who and what he wanted to be. Dean hadn’t had that luxury. His father had raised him one way, as a soldier, and had given him one job, look after Sam and now Sam was gone and off and living his life Dean had to admit to himself that he found himself floundering and questioning every decision ever made by both him and his father. That was then though, that was when he was on the road, but right now he had Sam, it was just the two of them and he was going to enjoy every minute he could.

He staggered into the bathroom to pee and brush his teeth before heading downstairs.

“Morning sleeping beauty.” Sam said from the table where text books were spread everywhere.

“Shut up and really Sammy studying on a Sunday? I brought you up the wrong way.” Dean muttered as he walked over to the coffee machine. Bobby had very little in the way of appliances, even less created after 1970, but the coffee machine was newish and a life saver. Dean poured the coffee and inhaled the scent before taking a mouthful and letting out a blissful sigh. He then looked up to see Sam looking at him smiling

“What?” he grumbled

“You and coffee man, should I get you two a room?”

“I only need a room with pie, I can just take coffee standing up in a dark corner.” Dean purred

“Eww Dean.” Sam frowned and blushed and went back to his books

“Nice eye” Dean noted the bruising underneath although no swelling so all good.

“Right back at you.”

“What are you studying?” Dean asked as he looked at the huge books with lots of small print and no pictures spread out.

“History.”

“Gag. Hey whatdaya say we go for a drive.” Dean said

“Dean studying here.”

“Ok how about I go back to bed and pass out for another couple of hours and at lunch time I come down, you put the books away and we go for a drive. Clear the cobwebs out of your head.” He waited and he could see Sam thinking before he sighed and nodded

“Ok.”

“K” Dean said with a smile and headed back upstairs.

 

Dean woke two hours later feeling a little happier with the world and went and jumped in the shower. He then went downstairs to find Sam had actually packed the books away and was sitting on the couch.

“Ready?” Dean asked

“Where are we going?”

“Anywhere, nowhere.”

“I have school tomorrow Dean, even if I sleep in the car on the way back from nowhere we still have to be back for school.”

“Yeah, yeah I know Sammy, who do you think got you ready for school all these years.”

“Ok.” Sam said with a smile and jumped up, going into the kitchen to grab the cooler.

“Eager little beaver you.” Dean said with a grin as he scooped up the keys

“You’re right, it’ll be good to clear the cobwebs and plus I’m not sure when dad’ll show up again so it’ll be good to just chill.”

“Ok then.”

They jumped into the Impala and Dean sighed in pure happiness as he started her up. This was what he imagined when dad handed him the keys, him in the driver’s seat, Sam beside him on the bench seat, just the two of them facing the open road. He didn’t know where he was heading, he actually didn’t care; he was just enjoying having Sam beside him with everything right in the world.

 

The radio was blaring classic rock that was probably older than their father. Dean was at the wheel, sunglasses on so Sam couldn’t see his eyes but he could definitely see the little smirk on his lips as he drove and he relaxed into the seat and looked out the window. Driving, with his brother by his side, whether now they were older and in the front or when they were young and both curled around each other in the back seat in the middle of the night, this was home to him. The Impala had been their one constant. Towns and cities had come and gone and the list of motels was endless but the Impala was the closest they had to a home. All their memories, all their possessions were here in this car. It was their bedroom, their dining room, their office, their surgery and their storage locker. Their initials were engraved in the back visor, under the felt, done one night while their father was asleep in the front and they were bored. Sam lazily wondered if their dad even knew the initials were there. If he slid his hand behind him he could feel the stupid little army action figure that got stuck in the ashtray back there and no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t budge it, still to this day; he actually wonders sometimes how the bastard got in there. his dad had pitched a fit when he saw it but he couldn’t get it out either so it just became a part of their home.

The rumble of the engine under his butt was almost like rain on a roof or a lullaby in a nursery, Sam found his eyes closing and his body relaxing as he thought about nothing and enjoyed the comfortable silence between him and his brother.

Dean watched as Sam’s head fell to the side and his mouth slightly gaped open as he finally dozed off. He smiled and pulled out his phone to take a photo. Man he loved mobile phones and all the features they had and he was building a little cache of photos of his brother sleeping. It was the only time Sam wasn’t on guard and wouldn’t pitch a fit about having a photo taken, when awake he became self-conscious and hated it. Any photo Dean had taken of his brother awake had disappeared off his phone. It may not happen straight away, Sam had to wait until the phone was unattended and unlocked but he always found a way to delete any photos Dean had taken of him so now Dean just took them when he was asleep, looking innocent and pure of all that goes on around them. Sam didn’t know about these, hadn’t found them so hadn’t deleted them.

Eventually Dean went down a dirt road, the rough texture waking Sam, and drove the car to a clearing looking out over a lake.

“I’m starving man.” Dean said

“Alright then, well I only packed sandwiches but they’re pretty good sandwiches if I may say so myself.” Sam said and climbed out of the car before grabbing the cooler out of the back.

Dean pulled out the dodgy old fold out chairs that had been in the boot forever and flicked them open, eyeing them dubiously, wondering if they’d even hold their weight now but Sam had no qualms and dropped down into one before lifting the lid and handing dean a sandwich and a beer.

Even though it was a Sunday and the weather wasn’t too bad there was no one around so Dean left the front car door open and the radio turned on so they had music in the background. They ate sandwiches and drank beer and then Sam gave a little smile and handed Dean a small plastic container, Dean opened up to find blueberry pie and let out a yip as he dug in

“Want some Sammy?”

“All yours Dean.” He said with a smile as he got up from the chair and went back to the car. He put his chair away, pulled out a blanket and flicked it out on the ground beside Dean’s chair to stretch out. He sighed as he kicked his shoes off and pulled his jacket off, rolling it into a makeshift pillow.

“God I feel like I could sleep forever.” Sam said quietly with his eyes closed

“Sammy you gotta slow down.”

“What?” Sam opened his eyes and looked at his brother

“Studying, working, you’re putting too much pressure on yourself.”

“I’ve got to Dean if I want to get into Stanford and even have a shot at a scholarship.”

“Sam you know I think you can do it man, you’ve got the grades, hell you’re the smartest person I know…”

“Dean you only know about five people.”

“Yeah and you’re smarter than all of them but there are other schools little brother, schools that don’t have you working your ass off, schools that don’t cost a million dollars.”

“Yeah but Dean a free ride at Stanford? That’s worth more than any money”

“What are you thinking of majoring in? Accounting?”

“Law.”

“Law? Where the hell did that come from?”

“Well I just thought of the one profession that would help my family the most and I think you and dad need someone who can keep you two out of jail.”

“Ha ha.” Dean said the words sarcastically

“You’re welcome.” He replied smiling

“Do you think you’re in with a shot?”

“Do you?” Sam snapped

“You know what? Yeah I do but I just don’t want you to get your hopes up, I hate seeing you upset or hurt; I spent my whole life trying to stop that from happening.”

“And yet I still have bumps, scrapes and some scars on me.”

“That’s cause I wasn’t around, dad was a dick for taking you on that hunt.”

“Dean its only for another couple of months.”

“Don’t con a con artist Sam, I know you, better than anyone probably; if you get this you will spend the next four years working and studying your ass off. Promise me you will be ok.”

“Dean I haven’t even gotten in yet and probably won’t.”

“Promise me?

“Yeah yeah if by some pure miracle I get into Stanford I promise I will take time to chill.” Sam said holding up two fingers to his forehead

“You were never a scout idiot.”

“Yeah just another thing I couldn’t do because we moved around all the time.” Sam said bitterly

“Can I share your blanket?”

“Yeah of course.” Sam said and wiggled over. He closed his eyes and rested his head back. The sun and the leaves were making bright patterns behind his eyelids and he could feel the warmth on his skin. “Dean what do you miss?” he asked reflectively

“What do you mean?” Dean asked quietly. He couldn’t close his eyes if Sam had his closed, someone always had to be on guard, it was a built in protective mechanism, but he could relax and watch the clouds roll past

“What do you miss about not living in one place and having a proper house?”

“I don’t know Sammy; this is the only life we’ve known.”

“Pretend then.”

“Football.”

“What?”

“This is gonna sound chick flick and don’t laugh…”

“I’ never would”

“…but I think I would have been on the football team and dating a cheerleader. Maybe even the wrestling team off season.”

“You know the jock is always the first one to die in horror movies.” Sam said so casually it took a minute for it to sink in.

“Shad up.” Dean said on a bark of laughter and silence fell again

“I can see that.”

“What?”

“You on the football team, probably even quarterback, rallying the guys, a little blonde cheer girl girlfriend, still have the Impala but yeah I can see that but you’d still take time to look out for your little geek brother. Make sure I wasn’t being beat up.”

“You’re Dean Winchester’s baby brother no one would be game enough to touch you.” Dean said with a smile and they both fell silent as they sank into their day dreams.

“Thanks Dean.”

“What for?” Dean’s brow scrunched in confusion

“For looking after me. It wasn’t fair on dad to dump me on you and I know I didn’t make it easy on you.”

“Stop getting all maudlin on me Sam, you always talk like this when you’re tired, go to sleep, I’ll keep watch.”

“Dean this isn’t a hunt, we’re just sitting by a lake, you don’t need to keep watch.”

“Fine, go to sleep.”

“I guess I just wanna say what I can while you’re still here. Truth is as much as I want to go to college I’m scared to do it by myself, I just kinda always thought you’d be there with me.”

“Sam you’re one of the strongest people I know.”

‘No I’m not dean, I’ll take the smart, you don’t know that many people and they aint smart but I’m not strong. I just can act brave because you’re usually two steps away from me but this, this is scary, this is me not having you around to lean on, to tell me I can do it.”

“Brother you can ring me at any time of the day or night and I will tell you that. You can do this Sam. Stop talking yourself down.”

“I can’t you know.”

“Can’t what?”                                                                                                                                                       

“Once you leave here, go off with dad, he won’t let you ring me all the time and I won’t be able to get hold of you if you’re out of range or on a hunt.”

“Sam go to sleep.”

“No Dean we have to admit when dad comes back things won’t ever be the same.”

“And whose fault is that Sam?” Dean snapped, tired of all the doomsday talk, “You’re the one who made the decision to go, to leave us, leave me. I can’t keep boosting you up Sam when all I keep thinking is that you are running away from me.”

“Not you Dean, hunting, I am running away from hunting and a little bit dad but never you.”

“Doesn’t feel like it kiddo. Feels like you’re running away from me.”

“Then stay.”

“What?”

“Stay here. You can help Bobby out and then when I go to college you can come wherever I go and we can get an apartment You’re smart with cars, you’ll get a job easy and…”

“Sammy stop.”

“What?”

“You’re asking to put my life on hold and to follow you while you live yours.”

“But Dean…”

“No Sam, this is my life. Dad needs me and hunting is all I know. You can’t expect me to follow around after you like some little bitch.”

“I’m sorry Dean.” Sam whispered

“Yeah me too kiddo, come on close your eyes, you know you’re tired.” Dean said as he started carding his fingers through his brother’s hair; it didn’t take long for him to see Sam’s body relax before he heard the rhythmic breathing of his brother asleep.

Dean lay back and looked at the sky as he thought of all Sam had said. He was seventeen and naïve and wanting to live in an ideal world and Dean wished he could do that and give his brother what he wanted but he couldn’t and he knew Sam was right; once his dad got back and they went off hunting again, his life would be completely different to Sam’s and he wondered how long it would be before they stopped talking, stopped texting, stopped having anything to say to each other. The thought made him sick and he rolled onto his side just to watch his brother sleep while he still could.

 

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short one - pure 100% sex - that's it

Sam woke with the sun glaring in his eyes and his body sweating and uncomfortable from the heavy weight of his brother lying across him, also asleep. He moved slightly and tried stretching without waking Dean up but Dean was so in tune with him he was awake straight away. He stretched and scratched his stomach and smiled sleepily as he looked up at Sam

“Hi.”

“Hi yourself.”

“Miss hearing you sleep beside me, that was probably the best sleep I’ve had since you left.”

“Yeah me too.” Sam said as he ran his hands through Dean’s hair, listening to him grumble as he worried his style was being messed up, like sleeping on Sam hadn’t made it flat one side anyway. Sam let out a sigh of a laugh and Dean looked up at him before pushing up his chest and placing his lips on Sam’s. They were both still a little dozy so it was a slow and lazy kiss, tongues dipping in and tasting each other and teeth slowly grazing across lower lips. Dean finally groaned and lifted his hand to the nape of Sam’s neck, pulling him down so he could plunge in deeper and suck harder. Sam lowered his head eagerly and licked into his brother’s mouth before biting on his lower lip and rolling it between his teeth.

“Dean?”

“Hmmm?”

“Do you want to talk ab…”

“No, whatever it is I don’t want to talk about it.” Dean said as his lips slid down his brother’s throat and he started sucking on his Adam’s apple.

“I just wondering…oh fuck…just wondering where this is going?” Sam growled and panted

“If you shut up you find out.” Dean said before pulling away from Sam, turning around, pushing his brother back down onto the blanket and nestling between his legs before going back to ferociously kissing him. They licked, sucked and bit at each other as Sam wrapped his legs around his brother and pulled him against his body, grinding against him while sliding his hands up and under his shirt to scrape his fingers across his back.

“Fuck Sam.” Dean moaned before sinking his teeth into his shoulder, causing Sam to shudder and grip onto his brother’s hair, pushing him down to suck and bite harder.

“Do it again.” Sam moaned and Dean literally purred before moving Sam’s shirt and biting down into the skin he revealed, marking his brother as his own.

Sam was pushing up against Dean grinding his denimed cock against the zipper of his brother while his hands were sliding up and down his back before, in frustration, he turned his hands around and slid them under the belt of Dean’s jeans, coming into contact with hot flesh and making Dean tremble and swear

“Sam what do you…”

“Everything.” Sam interrupted before kissing Dean and grabbing tight onto his ass cheeks, pushing his brother into his throbbing cock, “Please Dean everything.” Sam moaned.

Dean pushed up off Sam, causing him to whimper, before pulling his shirt off and undoing his jeans. “Sit up Sammy.” He husked and Sam shot up, ripping his own shirt off in the process. Dean let out laugh as he undid his brother’s jeans, “Eager baby brother?”

“Shut up.” Sam muttered as he leaned forward and sucked Dean’s nipple into his mouth before gently biting down on it. Not only did Dean not shut up he very loudly started swearing as he wrapped his hands in his brother’s hair and pulled hard. Sam bit down harder and pushed his hands into Dean’s loose jeans wrapping his hot hand around his brother’s hard cock and squeezing gently

“Really baby brother, you’re going there?” Dean growled, “Fine, take em off then.”

Sam frantically wiggled out of his jeans and boxers and lay back down, feeling the warm sun against parts of his body that it had never hit before. His cock was marble hard, pink, throbbing and blatantly leaking. Dean sat back and looked at his baby brother and although he would never say the words aloud he looked fucking gorgeous. Dean slid out of his jeans and slid down to take his brother’s cock into his mouth. Sam groaned and one hand clamped in his hair while the other slid along the blanket until he found Dean’s hand and clenched into it, holding tight.

Dean was so turned on he knew this wouldn’t last long so there was no real foreplay, there was no gentleness, there was no licking and nipping; his lips fell onto his brother’s cock and he sucked hard. Sam cried out and instinctively pushed up, hitting the back of Dean’s throat. Dean groaned before pushing his hips back down and hollowing his cheeks. Sliding up and down Sam hard and fast

“Dean stop I’m gonna come and I wanna come on you, stop.” Sam whimpered and Dean growled then sighed and moved away.

“Oh shit Sam…” Dean just realised…

“In the cooler.” Sam interrupted his panic at not being prepared for this.

Dean had hoped, God he had hoped he would get to be with Sam like this while he was here but the way Sam had been acting and the things Sam had been saying had made him think he wasn’t getting lucky with his brother ever again let alone this weekend. He was the older brother, he should have been prepared for all eventualities like he had their whole lives but this time Sammy was taking care of him and Dean smiled and leaned up to lick into his brother’s mouth and give him a deep kiss before crawling over to the cooler.

Sam looked at his brother’s bare ass crawling across the blanket in the sunlight and he couldn’t help it, he sat up, leaned over and bit down onto a succulent cheek.

“Sam!” Dean yelped and quickly rolled and sat down

“Dean?”

“What?” he asked dubiously

“I wanna try something.”

“What?” again dubious

“Roll over.”

“Sam…”

“No, come on you know I wouldn’t hurt you I just want to try something.” Puppy dog eyes flash

“Whataya want me to do?” Dean sighed resignedly

“Roll over, hands and knees”

“Sam I don’t…”

“No not that, fuck I can’t wait to have you in me so definitely not that, come on just roll.”

“Fine.” Dean huffed and rolled over. Suddenly he was feeling a little self-conscious even though he knew Sam wouldn’t hurt him.

Sam came up behind Dean and ran his hands up and down his back. He was almost purring before he dropped his mouth and started kissing and nipping down his back as his hand seemed to be sliding and touching everywhere before they were on his ass cheeks. He massaged and pinched and then slowly pushed them apart and before Dean could even comprehend what would happen, felt his baby brother’s tongue lapping at his hole.

“Fuck Sam.” He all but yelled

“Shh” Sam whispered as he ran a hand up and down Dean’s back as if to comfort him but that was going to be hard to do when he his tongue had shoved back between his cheeks and was lapping away at him.

“Sam.” Dean whined and pushed back.

Sam licked and sucked at his brother’s hole before sliding his hand down Dean’s arm to take the lube out of his hand

“Sam?”

“Trust me.” Sam said and Dean heard the click of the bottle lid.

Sam went back to licking at his brother before pushing his tongue into the muscled hole and Dean swore as his arms almost collapsed. He locked them into place and gritted his teeth as Sam kept licking and plunging his tongue in and without saying a word slowly slid in a finger.

Dean growled and groaned, so low the sound could be coming from where Sam had his finger

“Shh” Sam said again and Dean looked behind him to see the look of awe on his brother’s face as he concentrated on what he was doing, “Fuck Dean this is amazing.” Sam muttered and held his cheeks apart as he practically tongue fucked his brother, sliding his finger in every time he had to pull back to breathe.

“Fuck Sam I never…I’ve never…”

“Shhh.” Sam said again and slowly eased in a second finger, twisting and moving until Dean shot forward with a loud swear word, releasing Sam’s fingers from his ass

“What the fuck?” he yelped

“Prostate man.”

“Holy fuck”

“Come back.”

“Uh uh I aint coming back there or I will shoot my load and like you Sammy I wanna be in you when that happens but man we are trying that again someday.” Dean said as he turned around and crawled back up to his brother

“Can’t wait.”

Dean leaned in and kissed Sam long and hard while he grabbed the bottle of lube and slicked up his fingers and his cock. He then pushed him down onto the blanket and spread his legs so he could return the favour of sliding one finger into his baby brother’s oh so tight oh so fucking hot hole.

“Dean I’m not gonna last much longer, I need you.”

“Gotta open you up baby brother, not going to hurt you because you’re horny.” He said as he watched his finger get sucked into his brother’s ass before pulling it back out, he then gently coaxed in two fingers and Sam groaned and swore.

Dean was taking his time and Sam was getting so frustrated he decided to try and take some kind of control so he leaned forward, grabbed Dean’s hand and started pushing it into himself harder and faster, Dean was trying to stop him but Sam had frustrated strength on his side and rode his brother’s hand as he watched Dean’s face, watching his eyes flicking between Sam’s blown irises and his fingers sinking into his ass.

“Alright you horny little fuck let my hand go before I come right here right now on you before getting in you.

“Fuck about time.” Sam growled and Dean laughed as he slid forward.

Dean slowly slid into Sam as he pushed his knees down and apart, giving him more room to sink into his brother and he watched all the expressions run across his brother’s face as he felt his cock being slowly sucked in by Sam’s muscles. Finally, he was fully seated, balls to ass and he lay there for a minute just feeling the tightness and the rightness of this.

“Dean come on.” Sam growled and Dean slowly pulled back before sliding in again, “Dean.” Sam almost yelled in frustration before bringing his legs up, wrapping them around Dean’s waist and pulling him hard into him, “I’m not some fragile girl Dean come on.” He muttered through gritted teeth and Dean growled before pulling back and slamming into him. Sam would deny it later but he pretty much screamed

“Shit sor…”

“Do that again.” Sam growled and Dean cursed before grabbing his brother’s legs, holding them up in the air and pounding into him over and over. They were both gasping for air and although Dean had a sheen, sweat was rolling off Sam as Dean thrust in and Sam pushed up and they slammed into each other over and over until Sam’s face flushed and his eyes flew to Deans

“Do it baby brother.” Dean panted, “Do you know how fucking hot it is that I can make you come without once touching that fucking huge raging cock of yours although I can’t wait to suck everything uuuuu….” Dean stopped and gritted his teeth as Sam let out a prayer to some holy persona and shot come right up his stomach and chest. His orgasm tensed his whole body, clenched Dean tight in his ass and Dean swore as he shot his hot load into his baby brother.

Holy Fuck.” Sam muttered

“Well I know I’m good baby brother butt there’s no need to say it was holy.” Dean teased and Sam lazily slapped at his arm.

Dean watched as his baby brother’s eyes started to close again. “Sam have a drink.” Dean said and handed him a bottle of water before reaching for his jeans and pulling the bandana out that he always has stashed there. He wiped down his brother and then himself before quickly dressing again. He then took the water from his semi-comatose brother and helped him dress before they fell together in a heap on the blanket and fell asleep again.

 

TBC


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ANGST
> 
> Comments apreciated

 Dean woke when a cool breeze blew over them and Sam let out a little shiver in his sleep. The sun had almost sunk below the horizon and it was dark. Dean stretched and gave Sam a nudge as he got up.

“Wha…” Sam growled

“Come on baby brother, time to move.” Dean said and watched as Sam yawned and stretched, his shirt riding up to reveal his taut stomach.

Sam rose from the ground, stretching and kind of clicking everything back into place as he moved and then scooped up the blanket and chucked it in the boot of the car. Dean followed with the cooler and the chair and they were packed in five minutes.

“Have you home in a couple of hours Sammy” Dean said with a smiled as they climbed into the car.

It was a silent trip home, both of them in their own heads, thinking about what had happened at the lake and what might happen in the future. The music was quiet and Sam just looked out the window at the passing scenery. He was feeling anxious. Dean never talked about anything really serious, never discussed feelings and fears or anything that may show signs of weakness. When they were younger they were more open with each other but as Dean got older he got quieter. Sam wondered if sometimes he was so intent on being like dad he was beginning to act like him too and it wasn’t healthy. Maybe if the two of them actually did talk about stuff they wouldn’t drink so much. Sam was a talker, always had been and had always had Dean there to listen to him, answer his questions, dispel his fears and keep his secrets. Dean hadn’t had that. He had to stay strong for Sam and had to appear strong for dad so now he just didn’t discuss anything. Sam wished he could just turn to him and ask him what he was thinking about them and this situation but he knew he would just get the clenched jaw and resentful silence for trying to talk about a subject that was so taboo the words should not exist in the ether.

They pulled into the hangar at Bobby’s and Sam, without thinking, slid across the seat and climbed into Dean’s lap, straddling his hips

“What th…” his yelp was stopped by Sam’s lips.

Sam frantically ate at his brother’s lips before Dean opened and he could thrust his tongue in. He was literally inhaling Dean as he sucked and licked and bit. Clenching his hands in Dean’s hair to keep him still. They couldn’t talk about it but Sam sure as hell could let him know how he was feeling with actions. He kissed and kissed and kissed until he was so short of oxygen he almost blacked out and even then he probably would have kept going if Dean hadn’t shoved his hands in his hair and pulled his head away so he could suck in much needed air.

“Sam?”

“No.” Sam said and started biting down Dean’s neck, moving the amulet out of the way with his tongue.  He was frantic and his nips were hard and sharp.

“Sam stop.” Dean whispered

“I can’t.” Sam whimpered and he honestly meant it. He couldn’t stop the panic running through him and he was doing all he could to express this to Dean

“Sam!” Dean said louder and put his hands between them to push his brother away. He looked up into Sam’s eyes and although they were blown with want he could see his baby brother was freaking out about something inside his head, “Whatever you’re thinking Sam stop it.”

“I can’t” Sam said and tried to lean forward to kiss Dean again

“Sam look at me, stop with the hands and the lips and just look at me.” Sam stopped and looked right into Dean’s eyes. “Whatever is going on in that head of yours is freaking you out so stop it. I’m right here.”

“For how long?” Sam whispered

“You know the answer to that. Come on let’s get you inside.” Dean said and leaned forward to plant a quick kiss on Sam’s lips before pushing him off him so he could get out of the car.

“You go, I’m just gonna sit here for a minute.”

“You’re going to sit in the car?” he raised his eyebrows

“Is that ok?” Sam asked with a hint of snark

“Knock yourself out.” Dean said, slipping the keys into his pocket, in case Sam did something stupid, and walked inside, patting the dog on the way.

Sam didn’t know why he wanted to sit in the car. Yeah it felt like home, yeah he felt like he was closer to Dean in it, today and tonight driving, just the two of them, beside each other, had felt so right, but he was crazy to just be sitting here when the reason he was panicking was right inside the house and he should go and spend as much time with him as he could before he was taken away but he couldn’t. He felt so torn, part of him wanted to go in there, just climb into bed with his brother and just wrap himself around him and sleep until John came and took him away but the other part of him wanted to start pulling away now so that he wasn’t completely devastated when he left.

He climbed over the seat, not as easy to slide as it had been when he was pre-teen and short, now he kinda bumped his head and kicked the ceiling and then looked to make sure he hadn’t marked it, wasn’t going to end the night getting an ass kicking from Dean. He pulled up the felt in the back and ran his fingers over their initials, sighing as he thought back to that night. At least Dean had a part of them with him at all times in the car and he had the amulet Sam had given him that he never took off. What did Sam have once Dean left? He pushed the felt back down and turned around and just leaned forward, resting his arms across the back of the front seat as he looked out into nothing.

“Little brother do I need to have you committed?” Dean asked from outside the car making Sam jump

“Nah isn’t crazy just part of our family.” Sam said with a smile as he slid out of the door Dean opened.

“Well there’s crazy and there’s sitting in the back seat of a parked car crazy.”

“Thanks Dean.” Sam huffed

“Come on I got mac and cheese nuking.”

“Thanks but I’m gonna head straight up.” Sam said and pulled Dean into a tired hug before turning and walking up the stairs. He went straight to the bathroom and climbed in the shower where he cried and washed himself at the same time. ‘God Dean was right I am a princess’ Sam thought to himself but it was finally catching up with him that he had walked away from the only life and the only family and maybe the only love he would ever have.

He had to go to college, he needed to go to college, he needed to get out of this life and get a normal life. He wanted a degree, a college loan, a career, a mortgage and 2.5 kids with a partner. The only problem was he really really needed Dean to be in this normal life and not just as a step in, a crotchety uncle that came to visit every year before stealing a credit card and drinking all their booze; he needed Dean to be there beside him, with him the whole way. Maybe they weren’t meant to be lovers and partners, maybe this would dwindle out and they would go back to being just brothers but he really needed Dean in his life the way he had been for the last almost eighteen years of it.

Dean watched Sam walk up the stairs, dragging his feet, shoulders slumped and knew that his head or his imagination had not taken him to a happy place. They had had a relaxing afternoon. Dean was feeling great after making love to his brother and sleeping wrapped in his arms but he knew Sam. Sam was a thinker and a worrier and sometimes an over thinker. He had a tendency to go somewhere bad in his head when he didn’t need to or way before he did need to if it was needed. When that came to hunting and research that was good because that meant he had thought of all eventualities and how to get out of them but in his personal life that meant he was trying to map out a future when you just couldn’t do that.

No one can predict what will happen in life. Sam may not end up doing law, or might but probably not at Stanford. He was obsessed with Dean now but in a couple of years would he have a knocked up girlfriend, have to pull out of college and find some kind of menial labour to support them? Would Dean be doing this forever? Surely dad was going to catch up with the thing that killed mum sooner or later and then what? Would dad make it through the battle? Dean thought that was fifty-fifty and knew his father had accepted his fate. Would probably die happy knowing he had killed the thing that had killed mum before going to her in heaven; but then what of Dean? He was never going to college, barely scraped through high school, so does he try and settle down, become a mechanic like the old man or work in a bar? Is he the one that ends up knocking some waitress up and then has to pay child support for the rest of his life for a kid he may only see once a month if that?

The bell of the microwave brought Dean back to the present and Jesus now he was feeling depressed and as he pulled the macaroni out of the oven he reached for the tequila. He wanted to go upstairs and tell Sam that everything would be alright but that would be a lie and he had promised himself he would never lie to Sam. He had a few mouthfuls of food before taking the rest out to Rocksalt and taking a swig of tequila. It was silent upstairs now so Sam had done his bathroom thing, washed the scent of Dean off him and was probably now in bed reading or emoting. Dean sighed and took the bottle of tequila upstairs and into the bathroom with him. No point sitting down here in the dark when God knows how long he had to wrap himself around his baby brother before their father came and took him away.

Ten minutes later Dean walked into his brother’s room to find him curled in on himself asleep although he could see tear stains on his cheeks, he really had got himself in a state tonight and Dean felt his heart clench as he pulled back the covers and climbed in beside him. Sam let out a little whimper, obviously sleep was not bringing him peace, and rolled over to curl himself around Dean.

“It’ll be ok baby brother.” Dean whispered before dropping a kiss on Sam’s forehead and closed his eyes, willing sleep to come. It wasn’t really a lie if Sam was asleep and didn’t hear him.

 

TBC


	15. Chapter 15

The next day, sitting under a tree during his lunch break at school Sam was pulled from his reading by his phone ringing, he looked down and saw Dean’s name on the screen; he wouldn’t deny a small smile came to his lips as he answered  
“Hey Dean.”  
“Uh…hiya Sammy…” silence  
“Come on Dean out with it.” Sam knew Dean was getting twitchy, he was actually surprised he had sat still this long. He wasn’t good with being in one place long, doing nothing for long and being stuck with his own company for long. He had even tried to get Sam to skip school so Sam knew what was coming next.  
“I kinda caught a case close to here, a simple salt and burn.”  
“Well go then.”  
“What about you?”  
“Dean you know I can’t come with you, I have school.”  
“No I meant are you going to be ok by yourself.”  
“Are you kidding me? It’s been you and me or just me since I was five. This is the safest place I have probably been left by myself and Bobby leaves me alone all the time.”  
“Yeah well I’m not Bobby.” Dean muttered  
“Dean I’m good just call me and let me know you’re good.”  
“Alright Sammy see ya soon.” He said and Sam could hear the smile in his voice before he hung up.

Sam walked into Bobby’s house and threw his bag on the table. The house was silent and even though Sam was used to this suddenly he felt lonely. It had taken him a week to get used to the silence when he first got here after having dad or Dean around twenty-four hours a day but he had finally gotten used to the peace, now after having Dean around for only three days he was right back to where he started.   
He pulled out his phone and rang Dean but it rang a few times before going to voice mail, Sam hung up without leaving a message.

After doing some study, cooking himself a chop and vegetables for dinner and then doing some more study Sam finally surrendered to needing noise around him and turned on the television. He was watching the news channel when his phone rang  
“Lo” he muttered as he picked it up without looking  
“I wake you up little brother?”  
“Nah just watching tv.”  
“News channel’ll do that to you Sammy.”  
“Shut up and where are you?”  
“I pulled off the road, I couldn’t be bothered getting a room.”  
“Lazy ass.”  
“Hey Sammy you know for a fact my ass aint lazy.”  
“Really Dean? Cheap sex jokes because it’s my ass that aint lazy?”  
“Oh baby all you have to do is lie there I’m the one that has to do all the work.”  
“Yeah I’ll give you that, I have to say I am really impressed with the effort you put into shoving your cock so far up my ass you hit my prostate every time.” Sam said conversationally  
“Fuck Sam is it wrong that I’m getting turned on talking about this?” Dean growled  
“Yeah it is Dean because you just said I lie back and enjoy the ride when I do quite a bit of work when I swallow your cock.”  
“Fuck Sam.”  
“Do you know the effort that goes into licking up that huge piece of flesh you have and sucking it all the way in…” Sam husked  
“Sam.” His name was a punch of air leaving Dean  
“… and I have to swallow Dean, I have to breath and swallow as I lick and suck and bite down on your fat head and then I have to remember to breath and not shoot off in my pants when you hit the back of my throat because fuck that’s hot.”  
“Sam what are you doing?”  
“At the moment I am fisting my cock through my jeans what are you doing?”  
“Great minds think alike.”  
“And what’re you thinking?”  
“How fucking fantastic you taste. I love having your cock in my mouth little brother.”  
“And I love feeling you shove your cock in me, what does it feel like to you?”  
“Hot so hot and I mean heat hot. You are so tight and your ass pretty much sucks me in Sam, it wants me, it pulls on me and then when I’m in and my balls are resting on your ass, fuck it’s awesome. And I feel everything when I’m in you, I actually think I can feel your heart beat.”  
“Yeah that’s cause my heart’s pounding with the pounding you’re giving my ass. But I loved having my finger up your ass the other day, it’s pretty fucking fantastic when the prostate’s touched right?”  
“Fuck I almost came right then.”  
“Yeah I could come right now just thinking of your cock so hard in me I can taste it.”  
“Fuck Sam.”  
“Are you getting hard Dean?”  
“I don’t think I could get any harder baby brother.”  
“Are you stroking yourself?”  
“Oh yeah.”  
“Put your hand in your pants, are you wet?”  
“Fuck yeah.”  
‘Stroke it Dean, stroke it hard.”  
“Fuck Sam you sound like that song.”  
“Really and does that song tell you to run your finger across your cock and then stick it in your mouth and taste yourself?”  
“Oh fuck yeah.”  
“How does it taste?”  
“Not as good as you Sammy, nothing tastes like you.”  
“Hmm I agree.” Sam muttered around the finger in his mouth and he heard Dean growl down the phone, “Fuck I’m thinking of you fucking my mouth and hitting the back of my throat before I swallow and take you all the way in.”  
“Fuck Sammy do you know how lucky I am that you don’t have a gag reflex?”  
“Fuck Dean I’m sucking my finger again, I can’t almost keep up with what’s pouring out of me.”  
“Do you wanna come?”  
“So bad brother, I want to come with you, I wanna picture you fucking yourself, shoving up into your hand as you think about shoving that huge cock up my ass.”  
“Sa…Sa…Sam” he panted  
“And I want to come as I think about how when I shoot my load I tighten on you because that’s when I feel everything Dean, when I tighten and clasp your cock like a vice.”  
“Fuck that is so hot and yeah you squeeze so tight there’s no way I can’t come.”  
“Dean…”  
“Ye…”  
“When you come, when you shoot your wet, hot load across your hand I want you to lick it up and think that that is my tongue licking your come from you and my tongue shoving up your ass tasting…”  
“Fuuuccckkk” Dean cried out and dropped the phone  
“Jesus Christ” Sam muttered as he shot his load across his hand and onto his jeans.  
“Fuck…Sam…that was…fuck.”  
“I got school tomorrow, night Dean. Call me tomorrow” Sam said casually now   
“Night baby brother.” Dean whispered

Two days later and Sam was going insane. Dean had never done a hunt by himself before unless by some miracle he had done one in the last two months and now Sam could not reach him on the phone. He had tried each morning, each lunch time and each night and the phone was going straight to voice mail. Not good. He should have been able to get hold of Dean at any time except for maybe the actual salt and burn moment. Dean should have been on his way back. It was midnight, Sam couldn’t remember the last time he slept and he made the decision to have one more go at calling Dean before he called dad or Bobby and explained the situation. The phone rang  
“H’lo.” the voice growled down the line and Sam gasped  
“Dean?”  
“Yeah hey sorry Sammy, phone broke and only just got a new one, was about to give you a call but…”  
“Hey have you seen my bra?” a voice husked in the background  
“Hang on Sammy.” Dean said and Sam could only assume he thought he had put his hand over the phone. Sam listened to Dean’s voice, he was drunk and maybe even more and he was completely wrecked. Dean had gone on a simple salt and burn and done exactly what their dad said he would do, screwed his way across the country.  
“I don’t think you had one on darlin, you definitely weren’t wearing any panties.”  
“Hmm you might be right.”  
“Sorry I gotta take this call.”  
“Ok well you’ve got my number, call me.”  
“Sure thing darlin.” Dean purred and picked up the phone again, “Sorry Sam…Sam…Sammy?” dial tone

Dean showed up at the house mid-afternoon the next day, Sam had just gotten home from school and was spread out across the table studying, when he heard the car he started collecting his books and was heading up the stairs as Dean walked in  
“Hiya Sammy.” His answer was a door slam  
Sam was hurt but also angry at himself. He knew what Dean was like, Dean was a player. Why he should have thought he meant any more to Dean he had no idea. Why he was acting like a chick who lost her virginity and got all clingy he had no idea. He needed to snap out of this and put on a blasé act and pretend like his heart hadn’t been ripped out of him, he needed to do this but right at the minute he didn’t have the strength to do that. Right now he wanted to curl up and cry and pretend Dean didn’t exist. He wanted to go back in time to…what…two years ago? And not suck his brother’s finger, maybe take the gay guy up on his offer of a blow job and get it out of his system so he didn’t have this sick obsession with his brother. There was so much he wanted but right now, right this minute he just wanted Dean to not be here or him to not be here. He was contemplating using the credit card he had for emergencies to go and stay somewhere that was not here and then he berated himself for always running away from a situation he didn’t like. His dad was right, maybe he did run when the going got tough and that was the wrong attitude to take into college life so Sam stood his ground…but his ground was behind a locked door that had the desk pushed up against it because Dean did know how to pick locks.  
“Sam.” Door knock…silence, “Sammy”…silence…”Sam what’s going on?” Dean asked as he jiggled the door and realised it was locked  
“Go away Dean.”  
“Sam what’s wrong?” he asked and Sam could hear confusion in his voice. Surely he can’t have forgotten, but then he had sounded wasted  
“Are you sure it was a good idea for you to be driving hung over like you are?”  
“What? I’m not that hung over.” Dean frowned, he had no idea what was going on or what Sam was talking about. He needed to get in there and see him  
“Whatever Dean, just go away.”  
“Sam let me in.” This was not the welcome he had imagined, half hard, as he drove home.  
“No, go away.”  
“Sam I don’t know what’s going on but you better open this door or I’m opening it for you.”  
“Knock yourself out.” Sam said and Dean leaned down and picked the lock, the house was silent, he knew Sam heard him. He turned the handle and pushed but the door didn’t budge  
“What the fuck Sam?” Dean yelled.  
All a sudden, out of nowhere, a rush of pure angry adrenalin overtook Sam. How dare Dean act like he was the one being hard done by? How dare Dean be asking him what the fuck? He was shaking with fury and without thinking pulled the desk away from the door and pulled it open so hard he was surprised it stayed on its hinges  
“Sam what…” Were the last words before Sam pulled back and punched his brother so hard he as sure he heard a bone crack in his hand.  
Dean hit the ground and blacked out for a minute. It was enough time for Sam to step over him and head down the stairs. Now he was running for the mere fact he thought he would permanently injure Dean if he stayed in the same house with him. He wanted to see blood, he wanted to see bruises. He wanted to kick him and punch him and pummel him until Dean was as broken as he was.  
“Sam” Dean croaked as he followed him down the stairs  
“Get out.” Sam’s voice would have frozen hellfire as he stood holding the front door open.  
“What?” Dean yelped  
“Get out of this house or I will.”  
“Sam what the fuck is going on?” Dean yelled  
“Fine.” Sam said and walked out the door.   
He jumped in his car and flicked gravel up across the side of the Impala as he took off. He looked in the mirror, saw Dean watching him so put his hand out the window and threw the Impala keys onto the ground. The Impala was powerful, Sam needed these few minutes head start in the piece of shit mobile to get away from him.

Dean drove for hours. He had no idea what the hell was going on, could hardly see out of one eye and was more than pissed that Sam had taken the car keys and thrown them into the middle of nowhere. He was not in the mood to put up with his brother’s juvenile crap but he needed to know what the hell was going on. Had something got to Sam while he had been home alone? He knew Bobby had sigils and protective markings all over the house but something could have possessed Sam at school or anywhere in between. Sam was not acting like his brother and Dean was starting to panic.  
He had no luck finding Sam but then he wasn’t really that familiar with this area whereas Sam had been here for months and knowing him knew all the nooks and crannies and side roads and abandoned properties. Dean sighed and turned the car around, the little punk had to come back to the house some time and then Dean would sort him out for the shiner and the keys.  
Dean got back to Bobby’s and grabbed his duffel. Although it had been a pretty basic salt and burn, not having back up meant he took a bit of a beating and had blood on his clothes. Now was the time to make use of the free washer. He emptied his duffel and as he checked his pockets a bra fell out of his jacket. Tiny, cute, hot pink and Dean groaned; what the hell had he got up too last night and then a thought hit him…a thought he would have had four hours ago if he hadn’t been still half drunk and hung over…he reached for his cell and checked the call logs…missed call Sam, missed call Sam, answered call Sam at about midnight last night. Oh no, no, no, no, no. Fuck, what had Dean done and what had he told Sam.  
He had been happy, this was the happiest and most relaxed he had been in a long time. Didn’t have a hunt unless he wanted to look for one, wasn’t trailing behind his father, wasn’t playing referee to fights between Sam and John. He had Sam to himself and they had had fantastic sex. He had even been contemplating talking to dad about setting up a base here so he could come back and see Sam between hunts but obviously he had monumentally fucked up and he was sure it was real bad from the way Sam was acting.  
It had been a simple salt and burn but he had felt like a real man for the first time, fighting this thing by himself and winning. He was sure he had been walking taller with his chest puffed out as he strutted into that Road House to have a few drinks to celebrate. Obviously from there things had got out of hand and Dean had gone back to his hound dog ways after getting some whiskey in him.  
He threw his clothes in the washer and the bra in the bin and rang Sam’s cell. It went to message bank  
“Sam I don’t know what happened and I don’t know what I said, I can’t remember. Please call me or even better come home. We need to sort this out”

TBC


	16. Chapter 16

Sam was sitting in History the next day when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out to look, it was Dean. He ignored it. It vibrated again and again and then he got the small ping that he had a text message  
I’m outside, you come out or I’m coming in to get you  
He put his phone down and it pinged again  
30 seconds Sam and I‘m coming in  
“Everything alright Mr Winchester?” his teacher asked sarcastically  
“Ah no actually, sorry I’ve just received some bad family news I need to be excused.” Sam said as he leaned down to grab his bag. The teacher’s eyebrows shot up but Sam had been a good student who never missed a class so if he said there was a family problem she believed him  
Sam walked out the school gates and saw Dean leaning up against the car.  
Sam’s breath caught at the sight of his brother. Arms folded, legs crossed at the ankles as he leaned against the hood of the car. Clean jeans hugging his gorgeous legs that had been wrapped around him not too long ago, shirt sleeves rolled up to the elbows showing well defined muscles, freckled skin and those fucking eyes that he had always seen his future in. He stopped before he got sucked into their vortex. Dean always joked that one look from Sammy’s puppy dog eyes could have him agreeing to anything but Dean didn’t realise it was the same for Sam and those emerald greens.  
“What?” he snapped from across the street.  
His arms were folded across his chest tightly and he scowled at his brother. Dean had no idea where he slept last night because he hadn’t come home. Dean had stayed awake all night waiting; but he had on clean clothes and looked freshly washed so maybe he went and crashed with a friend. He sighed, he could see Sam was ready for battle.  
“Get in the car.”  
“No”  
“Sam get in the car.” He sighed  
“Fuck off Dean.”  
“Look it was an accident ok.” Dean said as he pushed off the car and crossed the road to his brother  
“Really Dean, that’s what you’re going with? The old it was an accident. I tripped and my dick accidentally fell in her?”  
“The salt and burn went well and I went to a bar to celebrate and….”  
“And you did exactly what dad said you would, screwed whatever you could get your hands on.”  
“I didn’t mean it to happen Sam, hell I don’t even remember it. The only way I know something went down is the bra I found in my bag and the shiner you gave me. I was drunk Sam.”  
“You were completely fucked when I talked to you Dean.”  
“I don’t even remember you ringing until I saw the call logs yesterday. I was trying to get back to you. I wanted to be with you.”  
“Funny way of showing it Dean. You weren’t that far away you could have come home instead you stuck your dick in some chick.”  
“Dad’s back.” Dean muttered as he looked down at the road he was stubbing with his booted toe.  
“I figured that’s why you’re here.”  
“He wants to leave straight away.”  
“Yeah so he doesn’t have to see me right?”  
“He’s still pissed.”  
“Where does he think you are?”  
“I told him I was coming to see you, he told me to forget it but Bobby told him to shut it”  
“So what? You’ve come for payback on the eye before you take off?”  
“No I came to clear the air and say goodbye. I get why you’re pissed, I fucked up royally and I’m sorry about that and I’m sorry I can’t stick around to make it up to you but there was no way I was letting you find out we were gone by getting back to Bobby’s this afternoon and him telling you. We’ve been through a lot of crap together, I had to say goodbye. Please get in the car Sam.”  
“Why?”  
“Because I can’t say goodbye the way I want to in front of your school.” He husked  
“Just go Dean. You’ve come to say goodbye and you have. Just go with dad. I’ll see you round.” Sam said sadly.  
“Sammy come on.” He reached out a hand to him  
“No Dean I said go.” He said loudly now as he jumped away from him. He knew as soon as his brother touched him all resolve would go out the window and he wasn’t ready to forgive him just yet.  
He stood there silently, looking down at the ground, at his brother’s feet until he finally, after about a full minute, saw them turn and walk away. He heard the Impala start and heard it pull away. That’s when he finally relaxed his body. Tears started coming to his eyes and he started shaking. That was it. His brother was gone. Sam turned back towards the school and then realised he was in no condition to go back in so went and climbed in his car.  
Dean drove away from the school and his brother. He didn’t know what to do to fix it and now their dad was back he didn’t have the time to fix it. He looked in his rear view mirror and saw Sam go towards his car. ‘Fuck It’ he thought to himself and pulled over to the side of the road to see which way Sam would go. He knew Sam wouldn’t go back to Bobby’s until he knew for sure they were gone, not just because of him, because of their father also.  
Sam headed in the opposite direction and Dean did a U-turn and followed. Sam wasn’t stupid and it’s not like he was going to miss being followed by his own brother’s car so he hadn’t got too far out of town when he roared into the carpark of an empty warehouse before screeching to a halt and jumping out of the car.  
“So what? You’re following me now?” Sam yelled as he stormed towards the Impala. Dean jumped out of the car, grabbed Sam, threw him back against the side of the car and stepped in to slam his mouth onto his.   
Sam gasped in surprise as his hands came up to clench in Dean’s shirt, whether to push him away or pull him in he was unsure but Dean took the gasp and shoved his tongue into his brother’s mouth, drinking in his flavour as he took what he wanted. Sam groaned deep in his throat and pulled Dean in closer before biting on his lower lip and then sucking it in. Damn Dean and his need for him. Everything was forgotten as Sam pulled his mouth away from Dean and started sucking down his neck.  
“Fuck Sam” the growl was so low it vibrated through Sam’s body as Sam pushed his knee between his brother’s bow legs and pulled Dean onto it. He pushed his hand inside Dean’s jeans to his hot ass and clenched his fingers into the skin as he rode Dean on his knee and shoved his tongue back into his mouth. “Sam stop or I’m gonna…aaahhh fuck…come on your leg like a humping dog…fuck Sam.” Dean muttered between kisses and gasps of air.  
Dean plunged his hands in Sam’s hair and pulled his fucking hot lips away from him. Even now Sam was whining and leaning forward, chasing his lips, but Dean had to take control of this situation. He pulled himself off Sam’s leg but Sam, with his hands still in his jeans, just pulled Dean closer so their two rock hard cocks rubbed together through denim and they both let out tortured moans.  
Dean pulled Sam’s hands out of his jeans before clenching his hands in his shirt and pulling him away from the car before moving him down, opening a back door, and pushing Sam into the back seat. He then unzipped his jeans and watched Sam do the same, letting out a little growl and licking his lips as he watched his brother stroke himself.  
“Dean…”  
“Shut up baby brother.” Dean growled before he climbed in on top of him and dropped his mouth back on him.  
The kisses got harder and dirtier as licking tongues clashed and teeth knocked and lips bled and neither of them cared.   
“Dean I gotta have…”  
“God baby brother I know, I can’t promise gentle, I want you too much, I need to be in you and I need to be in you now.” Dean muttered between clenched teeth as he grabbed Sam’s hard and leaking cock in his hand and stroked  
“Lube?” Sam panted  
“Yeah.” Dean said and leaned down under front seat  
“Really?” Sam snarked  
“Always be prepared Sammy.” Dean said with a smile before popping the lid and squeezing some onto his fingers  
Dean stopped what he was doing and just sat there, between his brother’s legs, looking at the beauty before him. Sam’s hair was damp with sweat and sticking to his forehead, his skin was flushed and his eyes were almost all pupil with need.  
“Dean are we having a chick flick moment or are you going to fuck me because I really want you in me big brother.” Sam said before sliding his hand down Dean’s chest and then grasping onto his cock, “Would you prefer me to suck? You know how low I can go.” Sam said as his thumb ran across the tip of Dean before he raised it to his mouth and licked off the taste of his brother and the sound that came out of him was almost a purr as he went back for a second taste.  
Dean pushed him back down into the car seat before he came all over himself at the sight of Sammy licking the taste of him in and he slowly lubed up his cock  
“Roll over Sammy.”  
“But I wanna see…”  
“Roll over Sam.” Dean growled and manhandled him until he was on his stomach  
Dean pulled his brother’s cheeks apart and without much ceremony plunged one finger in. Sam let out a swear word and clenched around him as he panted  
“You ok little brother?”  
“Do it again” Sam growled and Dean smiled.   
His moved his finger in and out a few more times before adding a second and then a third. This wasn’t pretty or gentle and he should probably be looking after Sam more than he was but he needed to be in him and he needed to be in him now. He was being driven by the desperation of having to leave him and not sure when he might see him again.  
“Do you think anyone can see us?” Sam asked as the very small part of his brain that was still thinking remembered they were just parked on the side of the road  
“Fuck em, they can go find someone else to fuck, you are mine.” Dean growled before he lined his cock up and pushed into his brother’s deep, dark, heat.  
“FFFUUUCCCKKK” they both moaned at the same time and Dean leaned down to clench one of his hands in one of Sam’s as he lay there still  
“Fucking move Dean, you’re torturing me.” Sam growled and Dean let out a bark of laughter before pulling back and pushing in again. Sam let out a scream and as if he could read Dean’s hesitation told him not to fucking stop.   
It was hard and fast and fucking fantastic, as he buried himself deep in his brother while Sam verbally made suggestions and encouraged him and Dean knew he would hear his voice in his head saying these words, giving him fodder for fucking himself for months after this.  
He was hitting Sam’s prostate with every thrust and Dean could tell when he was close to the edge, pulling his hand out of Sam’s and reaching for his cock, stroking it as he pushed in and after a few strokes Sam let out a very loud swear word as he came all over Dean’s hand and his stomach, he clenched Dean so tight Dean unloaded buried deep and let out a loud moan.  
They ley there for a few minutes gasping for breath before Dean slowly pulled out, causing Sam to whimper.  
“I don’t want you to go.” Sam said quietly as they untangled from each other and pulled up their jeans.  
“I’ll come back when I can.” Dean replied, there was nothing else he could say that he hadn’t already.  
“It’s ok Dean I’m too old for bedtime stories now. I know how dad works.”  
“I’m serious Sam, I’m gonna do everything I can to get back here as often as I can.”  
“Thanks Dean.” Sam said but it was more a thanks for saying that, not a thanks for trying to do that because he knew it wouldn’t happen.  
Dean pulled Sam out of the car and Sam staggered over to his car and pulled a bottle of water out of his bag. He drank deep before handing the bottle to Dean to do the same.  
“Dean just promise me you’ll be careful out there. Dad can get a little carried away at times.”  
“Hey baby brother nothing’s going to happen to me, I’m indestructible.”  
“Shut up jerk.” Sam said and Dean burst out laughing  
“Forgot you used to call me that bitch.” They smiled at each other before Dean’s phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and looked down  
“Dad?” Sam asked and could feel the black cloud of loneliness coming at him  
“Yeah.” Dean said quietly, “Yeah dad I’m coming now.” Dean said without giving John time to say anything and then hung up the phone.  
“So…”  
“Yeah.” Dean sighed and pulled Sam in to a tight hug.   
“See ya round Sammy.” Dean said as he stepped back before climbing into the car and starting it, he slipped on his sunglasses, Sam watched his face change from sadness to stoniness and he waved at him through the window before he pulled away.  
Their father had taught them their whole life to hit hard and run; if things turned bad run, if you weren’t sure of the situation run and if the locals were giving you grief run. Yeah he had taught him to fight when push came to shove but he had also taught him to run and that’s what every bone in Sam’s body wanted to do right now. It wanted to get in his car and keep driving and the only thing, the only thing in this entire world stopping him? If he stayed here Dean would know where he was when he came back for him.

TBC


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not getting many comments on this - I don't think it's going well so I'll wrap it up in the next couple of chapters.

The next three months went relatively fast. Sam was doing extra credit to get his grades higher than they already were and although he had very few friends at the school he spent his off time helping Bobby with research or working at the Road House.

Dean texted every night, usually just one or two words, just touching base letting him know he was still alive and on the rare nights John went to the bar and Dean decided not to Dean would ring Sam and they would talk for hours. Talk about whatever hunt they were on or dad, Bobby and his hunts and what Sam had been up to and every now and then if Dean was a little drunk they would do phone sex. It wasn’t satisfying to either of them really but hey at least it was a change from just thinking about each other as they got chafing on their palms.

Dean swore he hadn’t been with anyone since he left Sam, which he said was copping him some flack from dad who couldn’t figure out why he wasn’t out sowing his wild oats.

Sam had only been with Dean and had every intention of keeping it that way. He knew Bobby was keeping an eye on him, probably waiting to see which way he leaned when he finally did lean. Sam had had a couple of gay guys at school approach him and although they were good looking he had no interest in either of them that way, yet again confirming it was only Dean he was gay for; this feeling was proven more solid when watching the cheer squad train in all their little lycra bits he had grown a bit of a chub so yeah he was a relatively normal teenage guy if you ignored the fact he was pining for his brother.

Friday, lunch time, under a tree reading, a text message hits his phone. Since he has no friends it was rare for it to ping, he read it and his breath caught in his throat as warmth ran through his body.

_I’ll pick you up from the bar tonight, pack a bag!_

Sam could hardly concentrate for the rest of the day, he knew he kept jigging in his seat and the couple of times he was asked questions they had to be repeated because his mind was elsewhere. After school Sam deep breathed as he calmly drove home. He then methodically went through his homework and then went upstairs to pack a bag and get ready for work. Now he was starting to get short of breath, now his hands were starting to tremble, now his body was starting to heat up and he was perspiring. It was the strangest feeling, it was like excitement at finally getting to see his brother again but also the nervous energy of a first date and he still had to get through a six-hour shift at the Road House.

“Sam can you come down here a minute please?” Bobby yelled

“Yeah Bobby what’s up?” Sammy asked short of breath as he ran down the stairs.

“You ok boy? You’re looking a little feverish?” Bobby asked gruffly

“Yeah sorry Bobby just running around getting ready for work.”

“Ok well this just came in the mail.” Bobby said and held out an envelope with the Stanford insignia on the side.

“Shit.” Sam muttered as he took the envelope from Bobby and dropped into a seat. He just sat there frozen.

“You gonna sit there staring at it or you gonna open it?”

“Ah I think I’m gonna…yeah I’m gonna sit here staring at it.” Sam almost whispered

“Your daddy brought you up to take the bull by the horns son.”

“I know Bobby, I know. I…ah…I’m just gonna hold onto this for the night. I’ll open it tomorrow. I’ve got work tonight and I’m staying over a friend’s house. I don’t wanna bring down the party as such.”

“Well it’s your letter son.” Bobby sighed and walked away. Sam felt kind of bad because he knew Bobby was as excited as he was to see what was inside and he knew Bobby was invested in this also, taking Sam in, letting him live here to have a stable school life so he could actually hope for whatever might be inside that envelope. He did feel bad but there was one person who had to be beside him when he opened that envelope and he ran back upstairs and threw it into the packed bag.

 

As the night wore on Sam started freaking out in his head. Yeah he was doing his job, getting his flirt on, he could do this blind folded, so his mind was flashing through a hundred scenarios while he cleaned tables and served drinks. Dean knew about Stanford but it had been a passing conversation, right here in this noisy bar, they hadn’t really sat down and talked about where Sam thought his future was going. Every time it was mentioned John turned it into a screaming match or Dean kind of lost interest and faded out so this envelope could lead to the mother of all conversations Sam thought and then laughed to himself, who was he kidding, Dean didn’t talk. Dean didn’t do chick movie stuff, Dean would tell him he was making a mistake or tell him he was proud of him and that would be the end and Sam would never know what Dean was really thinking or what Dean really wanted. Dean would always put Sam’s wants and needs before his, it was how their whole life had gone since Dean had been left with the responsibility of looking after Sam but Sam really needed to know what Dean thought about all this. If this was anything at all. It could be a letter saying better luck next time buddy but Sam didn’t think so, it was a thick envelope, too much paper to say Hasta la vista.

At quarter to twelve Sam felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end and his eyes flashed around the bar until his heart stopped. Sitting two seats from the door, nursing a whiskey and staring at him with hooded his eyes was his brother. He knew he flushed and he knew Dean saw by the little smile that played across his lips. Sam went back to what he was doing and was jittery for the next ten minutes. After he broke a third glass, his co-ordination leaving his body as pure need took over, he was finally sent home a few minutes early. Sam went into the back room to grab his coat and bag and when he came out Dean had vacated his seat and was standing by the door waiting, the look in his eyes pure predatory as he watched Sam walk towards him.

They hadn’t said a word to each other and they still didn’t as they climbed into the car. Dean turned the key and floored it out of the parking lot travelling a couple of miles down the road before pulling into a motel carpark. He drove straight to the end spot and pulled in. Sam noticed Dean didn’t have any bags and the light was on in the room so Dean had planned ahead. Sam grabbed his bag and silently followed his brother out of the car. His whole body was shaking and he could hardly walk but he held it together to get into the room. Dean was inside already so Sam took a deep breath and stepped through the door. Dean had been holding the door open so as soon as he was inside Dean, in one movement, shoved it closed, ripped Sam’s bag out of his hands throwing it across the room and slammed Sam up against the wall.

Dean was in his space, arms on the wall locking in him, and his mouth was on his hot and hard and dirty and oh so fucking fantastic as he literally ate at him, trying to get as much of Sam as quickly as possible. Sam groaned and put his hands on Dean’s hips, pulling him in even closer if that was at all possible. Pushing their two straining cocks together through layers of clothes and grinding up against him as he gave as good as he was getting. Tongues duelled, teeth clashed, lips were sucked in and oxygen was stolen as they tried to get closer and deeper into each other than ever before. Sam was desperate and couldn’t do gentle and it seemed Dean felt the same as his hands moved from the wall and all over Sam

Sam slid his hands up and under Dean’s jacket and roughly pushed it off him before going back to slide his hands under his shirts and pull them off as well. He was then frantic in trying to touch and lick every piece of skin he could get his hands on. His fingers were everywhere as his teeth slid down Dean’s neck before biting down on his clavicle, not too gently, sending a shiver down Dean’s spine. He then gasped as Dean pushed him back up against the wall before sticking his hands in the collar of his shirt and ripping it in half.

“Hey?” Sam yelped but Dean just growled low in his throat before bending his head and sucking one of Sam’s nipples into his mouth, hot and hard and Sam arched off the wall and almost came right then. “Enough with the foreplay Dean, it’s been months, fuck me now damn it.”

“The things you say to me baby brother.” Dean growled and Sam could feel him smile against his chest. He moved his hands down and started undoing Dean’s jeans. “Really Dean? We haven’t seen each other for months, you’re so fucking hard you could poke an eye out and you still wore the fucking button down jeans?” Sam growled in frustration as he started unbuttoning. He could feel Dean laughing against him and decided to share his frustration so as soon as he had a few buttons undone, slid his hand in and squeezed Dean’s hardness.

“Sammy.” He yelped

“Well you thought it was funny you got all these fucking buttons.” Sam muttered and continued unbuttoning as he leaned forward and licked into his brother’s ear. Dean let out a low growl and his hands slid around to Sam’s zipper

“Fucking jeans, how many people touched your ass tonight?” Dean growled as he let Sammy free from the tight denim.

“Jealous?” Sam purred

“You are mine Sam.” Dean growled as he bit down his chest and Sam felt a rush of power rush over him at way Dean said that

“No one touched my ass tonight, I wouldn’t let them, kept it for you.”

“Damn right.” Dean said as he pushed Sam’s jeans and briefs down and lightly palmed his cock, “Oh I have missed this cock.” Dean whispered as he rested his head against Sam’s shoulder, looking down, watching his hand slide up and down his brother’s marble hard cock. He watched the cock blush as more blood flooded in and he watched as Sam growled and a spurt of pre-come leaked out the end. “Fuck Sam, so fucking hot.” Dean said as he ran his thumb across the tip and felt Sam tremble and mutter non-words.

“Dean man you gotta stop teasing me, I’m gonna shoot my load on your hand in a second, I need you in me man please.” Sam whimpered into his brother’s ear and Dean let out a low moan before grabbing Sam and spinning around, pushing him up against the wall.

“Ah Dean there’s a bed right there.” Sam muttered as Dean held him against the wall with one hand and pulled lube out his pocket with the other.

“Nah ah Sammy this is how I imagined it and this oh baby brother this is what I want. So hot that you are taller than me, makes it perfect for me to shove my cock up your ass with you plastered against the wall and I have all the power.” Dean purred into his ear as he slowly slid one slicked up finger into Sam.

Sam had nothing to grip onto and his legs almost gave way before Dean’s hand caught him.

“Lock your knees baby brother.” Dean purred again as the hand holding him let go to slowly run up and down his back and over his hips while the other one slid a second finger in

“Dean you are fucking killing me.” Angry frustration in his voice

“Ok baby brother calm down.” Dean said and quickly inserted a third finger and scissored them, opening Sam up for him. He then stroked his cock, lubing it, and slowly pushed up into Sam.

“Dean.” Sam growled and Dean let himself go, he let all his fantasies and all his pent up frustration from the last months release and pushed Sam up hard against the wall and pounded into him, as hard and as deep as he could and he absorbed every sound, every whimper and every swear word Sam muttered and screamed so he could remember it for future hand jobs. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He heard Sam mutter and he was so close, so ready to blow from being away from his brother so long that he moved a hand down and around and grabbed Sam’s cock.

“Come for me Sammy, come on baby brother.” Dean whispered in his ear as he pushed up, “Oh shit, Sa…Sa…Sssaaammm.” Dean growled and unloaded into his brother the same time Sam came all over Dean’s hand and up against the wall.

They both shook through their climax and then Dean, thinking his legs were going to give way, slowly slid out of Sam and went to move, when he stepped back Sam slowly started sliding down the wall

“Woah baby brother I got you.” Dean muttered as he jumped forward again to grab Sam and helped him to a bed where they both collapsed.

“So…ah…hi.” Sam says as he rolled over to look at Dean

“Hi back at ya baby brother” Dean says with his trademark smirk and Sam curls into him before falling asleep.

 

TBC


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments - I really need to know if anyone is enjoying this or if I should wrap her up

Dean woke up the next morning from the best sleep in months to find Sam draped over him, increasing his temperature by about ten degrees. He looked over at his brother with his hair mussed, his mouth partially open and his cheeks flushed and Dean thought he looked adorable but he really needed to take a leak. He tried slipping out from under his weight but Sam let out a whine in his sleep and shuffled closer.

Now Dean needed to take a leak and was getting hard from Sam’s body pressed up against his, he probably only had to move a couple of inches to have their cocks rubbing together and the thought was turning Dean on. He tried sliding away again but Sam followed him, always had been a clingy bastard, so Dean gave up on gentleness and just pushed Sam away before climbing out of bed.

“Dean?” Sam shot up in bed and looked around wide eyed. Dean sighed, he should have known better, none of them could ever be snuck up on in bed. As kids, as the realities of how they were living sunk in Dean and Sam regularly accidentally gave each other black eyes as one or the other tried to sneak into or out of bed. They really did need some kind of safe word to approach each other Dean thought.

“Go back to sleep Sammy, just gotta take a leak.” Dean whispered and walked into the bathroom butt naked.

When he came back out Sam was sitting on the edge of the bed with boxers on but he still wasn’t quite awake and his half-awake eyes were staring at the floor.

“Sam what’d ya get up for?” Dean asked and Sam shrugged but he looked tense, “Sam what’s going on?”

“I don’t know, I thought you were taking off on me or something.” He mumbled

“Well good to know you have such a high opinion of me.” Dean muttered with a frown

“How long are you here?”

“Gotta leave tonight, early tomorrow morning at the absolute latest but that’ll probably get me an ass kicking.” Dean said as he pulled on boxers and a shirt.

“So do you wanna come back to Bobby’s?”

“Do we have to?”

“What did you have planned?”

“I thought we could just hang out here. Haven’t seen you in months.”

“Well you better feed me then.” Sam said with a smile before getting up and walking towards the bathroom.

“Hey you’re the one that people throw money at pretty boy.”

“Help yourself.” Sam said and gestured to his crumpled jeans on the carpet

“Yeah like I’m gonna take your college money.” Dean said and pulled on his jeans before checking for his wallet and his gun. It was automatic, he never left the room without either.

Sam went and stepped into the shower, Dean mentioning college money made Sam remember there was something they needed to talk about while he was still here and his stomach churned.

He really did want to go to college he really did want another life, away from hunting, but every time he spent time with Dean like this he found it hard to imagine leading a life that didn’t have Dean in it. He had heard Dean, he knew Dean wouldn’t leave dad or hunting and he wished Dean cared enough about him, loved him enough, to turn his back on this self-destructive lifestyle and move with him to California to live a normal life. Sam was, right at this point, really struggling with what he wanted to do. He really wanted to go to college but he really really wanted to stay with Dean. He loved Dean, he knew this and he could not imagine a life away from him and he was completely torn on which direction to go in.

***

Dean brought back pancakes and bacon, scrambled eggs and hash browns and coffee and orange juice. Sam dug in and consumed a couple of pancakes and some egg but Dean could see he was distracted. As he ate a pancake he got syrup on his lip and Dean leaned forward to lick it off which led to kissing which led to sex in the bed. They then had a nap before showering, which led to fondling and blow jobs and eventually Dean suggested they go for a drive

“We should go see Bobby.” Sam said

“Why? I want it to be just the two of us today.”

“I have something I need to do and I need Bobby to be there.” Sam said.

He would open this letter in front to Dean, he really needed to share it with him, but Bobby needed to be there when it was opened also, he had taken Sam in, let him live with him while he selfishly studied and tried to get into Stanford.

“Alright but we’re not staying there, do what you need to do and then we’re leaving”

“Why? What’s the rush?”

“I only have you today and tonight, I want to be able to do whatever the hell I want whenever the hell I want without upsetting anyone or anyone calling the police. No matter what we think Sam this is still illegal.”

“Ok we’ll only be there a short time and then leave ok?”

“Ok.”

***

“Bobby? Sam called as he walked into the house

“Well?” Bobby asked and Sam knew what he was asking

“Hiya Bobby.”

“Dean howya been boy?”

“Oh you know.”

“Sam?” Bobby asked

“Brought it back here to open it with you.” Sam said and Dean looked at him and then Bobby with confusion. He knew he was missing something.

Sam pulled the crumpled envelope out of his back pocket and dropped it on the table. He then went to the fridge and grabbed everyone beers. Bobby didn’t have a problem with Sam having a beer every now and then since he was a ‘sensible kid with a good head on his shoulders’ and he had a feeling by the end of this they would all need a drink.

Dean stepped forward and picked up the envelope to read it. His eyes then flew to Bobby who was looking at him intently.

“So ah Sammy what’s going on?” Dean asked too casually

“Got this in the mail yesterday but since I was working and staying with a friend last night I didn’t want to open it until today.”

He handed everyone beers and then took a deep breath before picking up the envelope. He gently opened it, pulled out the paperwork and started reading out loud…

_Dear Sam_

_I take great pleasure in offering you admission to Stanford University class of…_

That was as far as he got before Bobby let out a loud whoop and grabbed him in an enthusiastic hug

“You did it kid, you did it, you got in, I’m so proud of you son.” Bobby said pounding his back.

“Yeah thanks Bobby.” Sam said with a small smile. He wished his father would react even half as excitedly as Bobby did, as it was he wasn’t even going to ring him to tell him it was an option.

He turned his head to look at Dean. Dean was silent and as Sam watched he drank his whole beer in one draft.

“Well done Sammy.” He said awkwardly and walked into the kitchen.

“So when do you start boy?” Bobby asked excitedly and Sam handed him the letter but he shook his head and looked Sam dead in the eye. “I woulda thought you’d be jumping out of your skin Sam.” Bobby said

“Yeah thanks Bobby there’s just a lot to think about you know.” He said while he tried to smile and Bobby did not miss the fact that his eyes shot to his older brother as he said that.

“Go on ring your dad and tell him.”

“Yeah no I don’t think so.” Sam said as he put the paperwork back in the envelope. If he had opened this yesterday before knowing Dean was coming or any other day before today, he would have been bouncing on his feet and talking a mile a minute about the campus and he would have read every single word on every single piece of paper in this envelope. But that was yesterday. That was before Dean came and threw a curve ball at Sam’s head.

“Why don’t you take that letter upstairs son and then maybe we can celebrate.”

“Thanks Bobby but Dean’s only here for tonight so we’re gonna go grab something to eat. You and I can celebrate tomorrow night if that’s ok?”

“Sure kid. You not working tonight?” Bobby asked and Sam frowned as Dean’s head flew up.

“Nah not tonight. Dean can only stay awhile and I haven’t seen him for months so we’re just gonna hang out.” Sam said casually. He could feel his face heating and was getting pissed at Dean for not stepping in.

“Head on upstairs then son and Dean and I’ll have another beer.”

Sam thankfully fled the room and ran up the stairs completely unaware of what was going on downstairs.

Bobby went to the fridge and grabbed two more beers. He handed one to Dean and took the cap off his own. When Dean lifted his hand to grab it Bobby pulled it back and when Dean raised his eyes Bobby looked at him…

“Outside now.” He growled and gave Dean the beer before spinning and walking out the door. Dean looked up the stairs to make sure Sam didn’t see this before heading out.

Bobby walked out the hangar, away from the house and spun on his feet

“What did you do?” he growled

“What? Me? Nothing.” Dean gasped in surprise

“Did you say something?”

“I didn’t even know he had the letter Bobby.”

“That boy has been working his ass off to get into Stanford. It’s all he’s talked about since he got here and then you show up the same weekend the letter did and now he’s just whatever?”

“Bobby I don’t know what’s going through that kid’s head. You know what he’s like.”

“Yeah I do and I know the hunter life aint for him. He wants this, he needs this and he’s about to blow it because of you. I know you boys been tied at the hip since your mamma passed and I know your daddy had you looking after him from before you shoulda had to but Sam wants this Dean, he needs a different life to us but what he needs more than anything is for you to say it’s ok. You’re that boy’s whole life, his whole world and all you can say is well done Sammy?”

“What do you want me to say? That I’m pissed off and I don’t want him to leave me and that I don’t know what to do now he’s gone?” Dean yelled

“To me yeah you can say whatever the hell you want but don’t you say that to that boy. He got into Stanford Dean, every other family that got that letter will be celebrating and ringing every single person they know and boasting, how the hell is it that in your family that makes him a monumental fuck up? You and your daddy got issues, I get it, but that boy needs to know you’re ok with him going.”

“And if I’m not?” Dean snapped

“Then suck it up princess it aint your life.” Bobby growled and Dean had to take a deep breath to stop from crying.

Bobby was right. It wasn’t his life. Wasn’t he just telling Sam not long ago that he wasn’t going to put his life on hold to follow Sammy around, it wasn’t fair of Dean to expect that of Sam either, especially now. Fuck, an acceptance to Stanford, Bobby was right, that was a huge mother fucker deal to everyone else in the world.

“He’s been my whole life Bobby. I only ever had one job. To look after Sammy and keep him safe. What am I meant to do now?”

“I get it son I do. But this is a new life for Sam, a good life, a safe life. You don’t have to follow your dad around if you don’t want Dean. Your daddy, he’s gotta find that thing that killed your mamma, I understand that you know I do; but it’s not your fight Dean.”

“Why does everyone keep telling me that?”

“Because it’s the truth. You were four when your mamma passed and you and Sam got dragged into this life by your dad. He shoulda left you with kin folk, he knows that, hell we all know that, but he needed you boys and so you all had to suffer. But Dean you are old enough now to make your own decisions and live your own life. Get a job, a girlfriend, an apartment like the rest of the kids your age. It’s your decision to make but you gotta keep your opinion to yourself about Sam you understand what I’m saying boy?” He growled as he poked Dean in the chest

“Yes sir.” Dean muttered and Bobby turned and walked inside.

Dean paced and paced and threw his beer bottle into a car, hearing it smash and shatter. He then kicked another car and put his fist through the window, by then he had calmed down enough to go back inside and look neutral although all that was going through his head is what the fuck is he meant to do now?

Sam put the letter away and rang in sick to the Road House, which right at this minute wasn’t a total lie. His stomach was churning. He knew Dean wasn’t ecstatic and he knew his dad wouldn’t give a shit; he knew he really wanted to go to Stanford but he really knew he loved Dean and didn’t want to leave him. Everyone who loved someone had to make sacrifices to be with them right? Sam could handle the hunter’s lifestyle to be with Dean. They were old enough now that they could maybe go off and do their own thing, hunt their own demons, that way they could be together and didn’t have to jump every time they thought they heard dad at the door. It could be Sam and Dean against the world. His mind was spinning in so many directions he was getting a headache as well as a sick stomach. He sighed and stood up from the bed. No matter what happened in the future, until he made a decision he only had Dean for another couple of hours, he needed to get down there and be with him.

“You ready?” Sam asked as he jogged down the stairs

“Sure thing Sammy.” Dean said with a forced smile from the table where he was sitting with Bobby

“See ya later Bobby.” Sam said as he headed out the door

“Yeah see ya round Bobby.” Dean muttered

“Dean?” Bobby made it sound like a threat

“I heard you.” Dean said and walked out the door

Sam was sitting in the car already when Dean climbed in and floored it out the driveway. He got about half a mile down the road before he pulled into a shoulder, grabbed Sam and pulled him onto his lap before frantically taking his mouth with his own. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t have any words right this second, but he needed to feel Sam and taste him and although what he really wanted was to bury himself in him right now he would be happy to just steal all his oxygen for a few minutes before he was sane enough to drive back to the motel.

Sam didn’t say anything either as he ate at Dean’s mouth and ground his cock against his brother’s. His hands were tangled in Dean’s hair and he licked and sucked and bit as he tried to show his fear and confusion and after a while the two of them broke apart, gasping for air

“Do you have to work?’ Dean growled as he pushed Sam away

“No I’ve called in.”

“Good.” Dean said and pulled out his phone. “Dad it’s me, something’s come up and I’m not leaving until tomorrow…yeah I don’t care I’ll see you when I get there.” Dean hung up before his father could rip him a new one for being insolent. All he could hear was Bobby’s word echoing through his head. Did he want this life? Could he really have another life? Could Sam be in that life?

“Dean?” Sam asked

“Just gotta get back to the motel Sam.” Was all Dean said before he started the car and took off again but after a few minutes his hand did slide over and take Sam’s in his calloused palm.

 

TBC


	19. Chapter 19

“Just keep driving Dean.” Sam muttered into the silence a few minutes later

“What?”

“This here, you and me, this is more home than any motel has ever been, I don’t wanna go back to that room. We don’t have to be anywhere until you’ve got to leave tomorrow so just keep driving until we get somewhere or nowhere.”

“Sam I gotta get back to the motel.” Dean growled desperately

“Why?”

“I need you.”

“Do you trust me?” he asked after another silence

“No.” Dean snarked sarcastically

“Turn here…now left…ok right…and right again.”

Dean cut the engine and looked out at the wooded area Sam had led them to. There was green grass surrounded by trees and a pond in the middle of it all glistening in the sunlight. Trust Sammy to find someplace like this in the middle of wherever the hell they were.

“Jesus Sam this is like out of some kind of chick movie, you’re not going to get on one knee and propose or hand me a red rose are you?’ Dean snorted

“Do you want me to?”

“No, Jesus gay much?” Dean snorted

“I don’t know, what about you?”

“Bitch!”

“Jerk!” Sam replied as he slid across the seat and into Dean’s lap

“Sammy I am so proud of you.” Dean muttered as he looked deep into his brother’s eyes.

“But?”

“No buts.”

“Dean I know you better than anyone, even dad, there is a but” Sam said with raised eyebrows

“No there’s no but Sammy it’s just you’re all I’ve had since I can remember, I’m being selfish but I’m just not sure what I’m meant to do now you’re all grown up and don’t need me.”

“Oh I need you Dean.” Sam said as he wiggled in his lap

“You know what I mean.” Dean frowned. He didn’t do chick moments and the one time he was trying to Sam was trying to turn it back to sex talk, a freaky Friday moment if ever he had one.

“Yeah I do know what you mean Dean and you’re my big brother I will always need you.” Sam said sincerely.

“Not anymore. You’re going to go off to college to become some big hotshot lawyer.”

“I don’t have to go.” Sam muttered as he looked down, nervously fidgeting with the buttons on Dean’s shirt

“Yeah you do.”

“I could come back on the road with you, we could leave dad and do our own thing Dean, our own hunts. You and me.” Sam said as he looked up at him

“Really Sam? And you think you’d be happy with that?”

“If I was with you.”

“Yeah for five minutes and then you’d resent me for taking you away from all this.”

“Really? That’s what you think of me?”

“That you’re too smart to be doing this? Yeah. That you’d resent me eventually? Yeah. That I’d hate myself for letting you make this stupid decision? Definitely yeah. Whatever way it goes it wouldn’t end well Sammy.”

“It’s just college Dean.”

“It’s not just college Sam, it’s Stanford; even I get how fucking awesome that is. The thing is it’s also you going off to live your own life. It’s you leaving me to do your own thing. It’s me trying to figure out what to do now you’re going and it’s me stuck with dad while we hunt this thing, whatever it is cause we still have no clue. Neither of us have said it out loud but I know you think the same thing I do. Dad doesn’t expect to come out of this alive.”

“Dean this is dad’s fight, dad’s sacrifice. You’re right, I think he’s committed to dying to honour mum but you don’t have to. It worries me sick to think he will drag you down to his hell with him. It’s not fair that you die for his fight.”

“I’m not gonna die Sam, I told you I’m invincible.” Dean smirked

“Dean…” Sam snapped

“Will you just shut up and kiss me, this is a waste of a sex scene set if you’re not even going to tongue fuck me.”

“Oh I will tongue fuck you don’t you worry about that.” Sam said and dropped his mouth onto Deans while undoing his jeans.

The sex between them was hard and fast and hot and rough as both of them were consumed by their fears of what was coming in the future and how they would cope being apart.

Sam had talked about college but it had seemed a distant future, something Dean would have to worry about somewhere down the line, not something that was in his face right now. He didn’t know how he was going to handle this. It had been a hard three months, getting used to sleeping without Sam in the bed beside his or beside him in his own bed. He still now woke in the middle of the night and looked over to make sure Sammy was ok, it was an inbred instinct, and it had taken about a month for him to not panic whenever he saw Sam’s bed empty. John very rarely talked and when he did it was about the job, the hunt, the thing they were tracking; Sam was the only real conversation he had and he missed it, he’d find himself taking a breath to say something only to realise no one was there to really listen, John would grunt or not acknowledge him at all as he continued researching and Dean would find himself wanting to pick up the phone to talk to Sam. He had to stop himself because Sam would be in school or asleep and although he knew Sam would say stop being an idiot and just call him, he couldn’t do that. He was the older brother, he had to show courage and strength, he didn’t do needy and sappy.

After they had dressed again Dean climbed out of the car and went to wade in the cool water of the pond. He sighed as he felt it between his toes and lifted his face to feel the sun warm it.

Sam quietly pulled out his phone and took a photo of his brother like this. His cheeks were still flushed from their sex, he had on jeans and just a black undershirt and his hair was a little ruffled, not that Sam would say that out loud for fear of copping a smack. He smiled as he put his phone away and went over to his brother.

“You keep looking up like that you’re going to get another freckle.” Sam said

“Shadup.” Dean growled but he smiled as he looked at his brother.

“Beer?” Sam asked as he walked back to the car

“Do we have any?”

“Huh I thought the cooler was magical, every time I ever opened it there was always beer in there. I figured dad came across a Djinn somewhere down the line and that was one of his wishes.”

“Really? That would be his wish? Not to have mum back or find the thing that killed her?” Dean asked as he followed Sam

“Maybe that’s not how Djinn work. No one can bring the dead back Dean, especially this long after.”

“So you went for the never ending beer run.” Dean laughed but when he opened the cooler there was beer in there

“See!” Sam said and reached in to pull one out.

“What the…?” Dean sounded incredulous as he pulled one out also. What he didn’t know was that Sam had filled it back at Bobby’s when Dean had gone to the toilet.

They slid up onto the bonnet of the car and rested back on the window like they had done many times before, usually when dad wasn’t around to yell at them for marking the paint, and silently drank and took in the scene around them.

“How’d you even find this place Sam?”

“I heard some kids at school talking about sounds they hear here at night sometimes so I came to take a look.”

“With Bobby right.”

“Nah I was just looking around Dean; it wasn’t a hunt.”

“You came out here at night by yourself, that’s stupid Sam, what if something happened?”

“Come on Dean you’ve done a hunt on your own.” Sam almost whined

“Dude I’m twenty-one and it was a simple salt and burn and I still almost got my ass kicked. Sam promise me you won’t do that again.”

“Dean…”

“Sam promise me. Promise me you’ll at least take Bobby.”

“Dean I was just…”

“Sam!” Dean growled and Sam recognised his seriously pissed voice

“Alright I promise.” Sam whined and pouted

“So what were those kids doing out here anyway?”

“I think this might be a kinda make out spot.”

“Sammy you brought me to a make out spot?” Dean teased

“What? No. I didn’t even think that when I thought of this place.”

“Come on let’s go.” Dean said as he slid off the bonnet

“What? Why? Because I said it was a make out spot?”

“Yeah but not for the reasons you’re thinking. People might come soon and see us and it’ll be just my luck that Claire chick’ll show up again and try and gang bang me with whoever she brought with her.”

“You’re scared of a teenage girl?” Sam teased

“Damn right.” Dean said with a bright smile, “Besides I want you to myself. Come on. Food and back to the motel.”

“Fine.” Sam sighed

After dinner at a steak house outside of town so no one would see them, not that they did anything that could be taken the wrong way, Dean turned them around and headed back to the motel.

Dean gently pushed Sam back onto the bed before sliding on top off him

“Dean.” Sam moaned as he arched up into him and rubbed his hard cock against his brother’s denim. He had been hard all through dinner and just wanted Dean to throw him on the bed and take him hard and fast but it appeared Dean had other ideas as he slowly undressed Sam, kissing and licking each piece of skin as it appeared from under clothing.

Dean was going to take this slow, he had no idea when or if he would ever see his brother again so he wanted this to last forever. He wanted to remember this through all the lonely nights that were to come.

Dean nipped and kissed and stroked every single piece of Sam’s skin, not one inch or one mole was left unloved and he oh so slowly opened him up as he whispered words of praise and encouragement as Sam swore and begged for his big brother to just take him. Dean was in awe of the look on his brother’s face. His skin was flushed, his pupils were blown with pure need, his lips were swollen from kissing and his mouth was open as he pulled in gasps of oxygen. Dean was hard and throbbing and leaking but he was trying to draw out this pleasure as much as possible for both of them and was doing ok until Sam leaned forward and stroked his brother’s cock, that almost pushed Dean over the edge. On a gasp Dean grabbed Sam’s legs pulling them up and sliding Sam closer before he pushed into him hard and deep. They both groaned when he was fully seated and he did a small twirl with his hips, causing him to brush against Sam’s prostate and Sam to send up a prayer to whoever.

Dean moved in his brother long and slow, making it last as long as he could while Sam swung between gripping his hips, bringing blood to the surface in bruises and scrabbling his hands across the sheet looking for something else to hold onto to for leverage. Dean leaned down and kissed him in between teasing smiles at the words coming out of his brother’s mouth, cursing him for toying with him before Dean started feel the heat and prickle of imminent orgasm so started pounding into Sam, holding him tighter and closer and then he felt Sam tense

“Fuck I love you De.” Sam shouted out in pure bliss, completely unaware that he had as he separated from his body as he came, shooting all over his stomach and chest. Dean froze for half a second as he heard Sam say those words before the meaning behind them had Dean pushing even deeper into Sam and exploding.

“Holy fuck.” Sam whispered reverently and Dean laughed at the look on his brother’s face.

“Come on little brother, shower, you’re dripping sweat”

“As if I can move, you wrung me dry Dean dragging it out like that.” Sam groaned

“Come on I got ya.’ Dean said pulling Sam out of the bed and into the shower where he leaned him up against the wall and soaped and washed him down before quickly doing himself. He then dragged them back to bed where they collapsed naked and Sam curled into Dean, kissing his cheek before closing his eyes, just like he used to do as a little kid.

Sam fell asleep immediately, completely sated by their love making but Dean lay there, staring at the ceiling, hearing Sam’s words echoing through his head. Sam loved him. He knew he meant it, he wouldn’t have said it otherwise. They were a family of three men, the L word was never said. The last time it had been said was probably about fifteen years ago, by Dean, as he kissed a toddler Sam good night. That was just before his dad told him he was turning his little brother into a sissy by saying words like that.

Now Dean realised what was going through Sam’s head. Now he knew why he was confused and torn in which direction to go and now he knew he loved Sam as well. Hearing Sam say those words unlocked a vault in his chest. Dean knew the hunting life was not for Sam but he knew Sam would stick at it to be with him, he would do that, he had always given all he could to Dean, the same way Dean did for him but Dean was the adult here. He had to make the hard choice, the right choice for his baby brother who was so smart and so much better then him and this lifestyle.

Dean rolled his head to see his brother was passed out solid before sliding out of bed and silently dressing. He packed his bag, wrote a note and went out into the night where he put the car in neutral so it would silently roll away from the motel room. Once he was far enough away he knew he wouldn’t wake him, he turned the car on and drove into the night, one silent tear rolling down his cheek.

 _I’m sorry Sammy_ written on paper and Dean’s favourite knife in the middle of the table was all that Sam would wake up to the next morning

 

TBC


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments...I crave knowing if you are enjoying or not. It's what keeps me writing.

“Singer!” Bobby snapped into the phone

“Bobby, John I need some help…”

“Need back up with Dean gone?”

“Dean’s here I just need some information about…”

“Hang on if Dean’s there where’s Sam? Is he with you?”

“No? Why the hell would he be with us?” John snapped

“Because he hasn’t been home since he took off with Dean three days ago.” Bobby growled down the phone as panic started overtake him.

He had been pissed thinking Sam was missing school to hang out with Dean, just because he got the letter from Stanford didn’t mean he could slack off, but he had made Sam’s excuses when the school rang to say he hadn’t showed up, Bobby thought they may have been just checking if he was still attending there or if he had moved on. But this whole time he assumed he had been safe with Dean, now he didn’t know what to think.

“He’s not there? What the hell Bobby?” John yelled, “Dean pack up we gotta go” John yelled away from the phone, there was mumbling before John told Bobby he would call him back and hung up

“What the hell is going on Dean?” John snapped as he slammed down the phone

“I don’t know, nothing.”

“So pack your shit we gotta go, Sam’s missing.”

“What?” Dean yelped

“He hasn’t been home since he took off with you, Bobby thought he was with us so Good knows how much head start whatever it is has got.”

“Hang on.” Dean snapped, grabbing his father’s arm as he threw stuff into his bag. He then pulled his phone out of his bag…”Hey Bobby, yeah, listen before we all go into a panic can you do me a favour, go to The Private Inn, room 308 and knock ok? Thanks.” Dean hung up the phone and turned to his dad

“Care to explain?” John growled with raised eyebrows

“Look we were leaving anyway, we’ll pack the car and wait to hear from Bobby.”

“Since when did you start making the decisions?”

“Since I became an adult and have been on my own hunt and since I know what’s going on?” Dean snapped back

“You know you’ve had quite the mouth on you since you got back boy and you almost beat the shit out of that shape shifter before finally putting the thing out of its misery. Anything you care to tell me?”

“Well I thought Sam was going to call you but obviously not so I guess it’s up to me to tell you he got into Stanford.”

“Huh! So he actually did it? Bastard must be smarter than I gave him credit for.” John said as he threw clothes into a bag

“Hey!” Dean said as he grabbed his father’s arm and spun him around, “That is my brother and your son you’re talking about, how about you show him some respect when you talk about him or don’t talk about him at all.” Dean snarled into his father’s face.

Suddenly John had his arm across his neck and had him pushed up against a wall…

“I don’t know what’s going on with you Dean or what’s been up your ass for the last three days but you better snap out of it quick you hear me?”

“Or what?” Dean growled

“Or what?” John repeated incredulously at his son answering him back, this never happened. Dean always fell straight into line when reprimanded.

“You heard.”

“What the hell is going on with you Dean?” John yelled as he pushed him harder up against the wall before walking away from him.

“Maybe I’ve been doing some thinking. Maybe I don’t want to live like this anymore? Motel to motel, no clue what the hell we’re doing. Do you even know what the thing was that killed mum?”

“You do not talk about your mother.” John stepped into Dean’s face and yelled at him

“So what are we doing dad? We’re wandering aimlessly with no clue what to do or where to go. Is this thing ever going to be over?”

“Not for me no. We have saved a lot of people with what we do Dean, don’t ever forget that.”

“We live in ten dollar a night motel rooms and spend most of the time running from pissed off vigilantes, the police of religious freaks who think they can save us from our Satan obsessed ways.”

“That’s your opinion?”

“Do you see it any other way?”

“If you wanna go, go. I’ll say the same thing to you I said to Sam. I need you one hundred percent in or all out. There is no half way. Half way will get you or me killed, understand?”

“Yes sir.” He muttered

“What?”

“Yes sir.” Dean said louder and John walked out of the room.

They continued packing the car in tense silence and then John’s phone rang

“Bobby?”

“Got him.”

“Is he ok?”

“I don’t know what the hell’s going on but I got him.” Bobby said and hung up the phone.

***

Bobby looked into the motel room from outside in the parking lot. Sam was wearing the same clothes he had been in Saturday and it smelt like it. There was beer bottles and spirit bottles littered around the room. The room that looked like it had been violently trashed. Sam had bloodshot eyes, grey skin under his seventeen-year-old stubble, matted hair and bloodied knuckles.

Even as Bobby stood there looking a little man came running up…

“I tried to get into the room, I heard the smashing but he wouldn’t let me in.”

“Why didn’t you call the police?” Bobby growled. It would have pissed off Bobby and John if the police had been called and it may have put a mark on Sam’s transcript for college but at least this would have been resolved days ago.

“He gave me his credit card and told me to put the repairs and the rest of the week on that

“Well we’re leaving today.”

 

“Come on Sam we’re outta here.”

“No Bobby, you go”

“Sam…”

“No Bobby, this isn’t your problem & you didn’t sign up for this when you let me stay with you. Just let me deal with this my own way.”

“Son do you want to talk about it?”

“Ha!” was sarcastically snapped out

“Look Sam I don’t know what’s going on or what’s happened but is it something worth throwing school and Stanford away over?”

“I don’t know! What the fuck do you think I’ve been trying to sit here and figure out for the last three days?”

“What did Dean say to you?” Bobby asked quietly and watched as Sam’s face reddened and he turned and threw the coffee mug across the room before it smashed on the wall. Ok so Dean had gone against what he promised and obviously said something to Sam. “What did he say son?”

“Fuck him Bobby, fuck him and dad.”

“Have you talked to your dad?”

“Look Bobby I don’t want to dump this shit on you, this for me to figure out. I will figure it out I just need some time.”

“Well whatever you decide boy don’t shoot yourself in the foot before you make a decision. Come home and go back to school, hell you can obviously do it with your eyes closed so put in the hours and figure it out there.”

“I’m sorry Bobby.” Sam said as he looked at his feet.

“Sam you have nothing to apologise for boy, you have not done anything wrong and to be honest I was expecting a lot more crap from you. You kids have been left to run wild as such so I wasn’t sure what I was expecting but you’ve been a good kid Sam. Come home and we’ll sort it out.”

“I just need time.”

“Do you want me to call Dean or your dad?”

“No.” he yelled and turned back into the bathroom.

Once Bobby heard the shower turn on he packed the small bag Sam had with him. He wasn’t giving him a choice to sit here and wallow. After the bag was packed he pulled out his phone.

“Bobby?”

“What the hell did you do Dean?”

“Nothing.”

“This kid is a mess and I’m sure you didn’t leave him like this so what the hell boy?”

“I promised you I wouldn’t try and stop him from going to college and I meant it.”

“So why the hell am I standing in a trashed motel room with a hungover kid who hasn’t been to school in three days?”

“You know what that kid’s like…”

“Every time I ask you how you fucked up you always say Sam overthinks. What is he overthinking Dean?”

“He thought that he could come back on the road, just the two of us, leave dad, do our own thing. I told him exactly what you told me Bobby. He’s too smart and he would resent me after five minutes. I did what I promised Bobby.”

“What the hell is going through his head then?”

“Don know, gotta go.” Dean said and hung up the phone.

Dean stood up from the kitchen table and threw the coffee mug he had been drinking out of across the room. He had left so Sam could get on with his life, go to college, live normal and safe. He should’ve known Sam would take it bad but he just couldn’t handle the goodbye scene. For him, who didn’t do chick movies and hated awkward goodbyes, sneaking out in the middle of the night was the ideal and not uncommon exit for him. Sam on the other hand had emotions and talked about feelings. Sam was open where Dean was closed. Dean had a temper that came straight out, usually having him blurt something he later regretted, but then his temper was over quickly and it was back to business as usual. Sam would stay silent and let things fester. Dean might have told him he was a fucking idiot for something he did and Sam would say nothing but then three days later Dean would accidently buy the wrong flavour soda and all hell would break loose as Sam would rant about things days or weeks old.

Dean had imagined Sammy waking up, thinking Dean was out getting breakfast or in the bathroom until he slid out of bed and read the note. The first thing Sam would have felt was understanding. He knew his big brother; he would not really be surprised. Then he would feel sad that Dean had gone, that that was the end without even getting a chance to say good bye; it was around then Dean expected a sad phone call. Then would come self-pity before eventually Sam would realise he had been done wrong by and would get pissed, that’s when he expected the ‘Fuck you’ phone call. Dean assumed Sam would go back to Bobby’s, maybe smash a few cars once he hit this stage or maybe even pick a fight with a bully to let off steam.  Dean never imagined Sam would hole himself in the motel room and go through this alone, he thought Bobby would be there to help with the transition from hunter life to normal life and talk to when Sam finally lost it for Dean walking out of his life. 

Dean felt sick and hated himself for putting Sammy through what he had gone through over the last three days but it was what was best for Sam. Dean knew his own heart was breaking. As he drove away from the motel that night he knew he loved Sam, as a lover not a brother and he knew he was completely screwed but he knew he would live with this and make it through so his brother could have the best life. He knew that if he made one phone call, dropped one hint, Sam would pack his bags and jump on a bus before Dean had finished the sentence which is why he had not contacted him in the last three days. Maybe if he had he would have known he was going through this and got Bobby out there sooner but what was done was done. All Dean could hope for, even though it hurt, was for Sam to hate him for what he had done and that would push him in the right direction.

Dean’s phone rang, Silent number…

“Hello?”

“FUCK YOU.” Was yelled down the phone and then dial tone.

Dean dropped his phone and let out a sarcastic bark of laughter, see he knew the kid better than anyone.

 

 

_One more chapter to close off._


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, comments, comments

Bobby got a completely closed up Sam back home. Sam refused to talk about what had caused his melt down and he silently slotted back into everyday life. In the next months Bobby watched Sam as he lost weight, hardly talked and when not at work spent most of his time in his room, he tried to bring it up once but Sam just clamped up and disappeared into his room for days so Bobby didn’t mention it again. He knew something had gone down with Dean he just didn’t know what. Since Sam came to live with him he knew Dean called or messaged him regularly if not nightly until whatever happened when he came to visit last time, then radio silence and he knew Sam was hurting because of it.

Sam made it through school and graduation, getting some scholastic awards as the school gushed at their Stanford student, happy to claim him now as their own rather than a misfit they had tolerated. Bobby was the only one in the crowd as he accepted his certificate.

Sam then packed up his meagre belongings in one duffel, gave Bobby a hug, thanked him for everything and hopped a bus for California.

If Bobby wondered why he was doing this by himself and didn’t have John or Dean to drive him there and settle him in like every other family, well he never said anything. He volunteered to go with Sam but Sam said he was good.

He did however ring John and express his opinion about his parenting and letting the kid head off by himself without even ringing to wish him luck. John said he didn’t have time to deal with his youngest son because he was having a hard enough time with his older son who seemed dead set on trying to get himself killed. He hung up on Bobby and again Bobby wondered what the hell had gone down between the brothers.

***

John looked at Dean as he hung up the phone. His son was slouched on a bed, a bottle of whiskey in his hand and staring blindly at the silent tv. His clothes were crusted with blood and his hair and body were dirty but he didn’t seem to notice or care. The boy had not been vain but had been aware of his appearance and John couldn’t remember the last time he had seen him put product in his hair. Actually now he thought about it he couldn’t remember the last time Dean had laughed, smiled or got his flirt on. He could have a room to himself now, do whatever or whoever he wanted but he seemed to just want to sit and stare into space and John was wondering what the hell?

“You having a shower?” he asked and received a grunt in reply

“At least wash some clothes Dean.” Another grunt.

He thought back to the argument Dean had picked with him months ago back in that hotel when they thought Sam was missing. At the time he thought that it was over but he replayed it in his head in quiet times or while they drove. It had been the only time Dean had ever back chatted or expressed his opinion on what they were doing and John realised that he had given Dean an ultimatum that he never really answered. He knew he should have handled that argument differently but they didn’t talk, they never did. It had been Sam who had always broached conversations or asked questions, subtly bringing issues out into the open for discussion, even if it did turn into a full blown argument between them sometimes, at least the air was then cleared. Now it was just the two of them there was silence and John sighed as he realised how much he missed Sam yammering or his two boys laughing and teasing each other, a comforting noise in the background as he researched. Now he couldn’t remember the last time Dean had talked to him other than to clarify instructions when it came to a hunt. The room and the car was full of silence and John knew he was to blame for most of it.

“So that was Bobby.” He said to get the conversation rolling, usually mentioning Bobby got Dean asking about Sam or asking if Bobby was ok or needed help with something. Tonight he got dead silence, as if Dean hadn’t heard him.

“Sam’s gone.”

“Gone?” Dean asked in a bored tone but his eyes flashed to his dads

“To Stanford.”

“Huh.” Dean said and took another swig of whiskey

“Yeah Bobby rang to rip me a new one about not being there for Sam, said I should have been seeing him in like all the other dads.”

“I’m pretty sure if you showed up to help Sammy settle in he’d ask if you were possessed by something and throw holy water at you.”

“Come on Dean I know I’m not father of the year but I don’t think I was that bad.” John said, upset at what his son was implying.

“Yes sir.” Dean said and his eyes turned back to the silent tv.

John realised he had been hearing those two words from Dean a lot lately and not in a flattering way. It wasn’t compliance or obedience, it was passive aggressive and sarcastic. He looked at his son sitting there filthy, with glassy eyes and not giving a shit if he lived or died and thought of his other son who was starting on a whole new journey in life, doing it by himself, with no one to support him or comfort him and wondered where he had fucked up.

He knew that he was obsessed with the thing that had killed Mary and he knew that he sometimes lost himself in research or a hunt and he also knew that Dean and Sam had pretty much raised themselves and each other. And right at this second, when he felt like everything was spiralling and his family was falling apart around him, he realised how fucked up and selfish he had been, right from the very start, and thought he deserved everything that was coming back to bite him on the ass.

“Dean…” he started to ask if his son wanted to talk about it, about their mother, about his brother

“I’m having a shower.” Dean muttered and got off the bed before slamming the bathroom door and John sighed. He picked up the phone and dialled Bobby

“What?” he snapped

“Bobby it’s John.”

“What?” his tone wasn’t any lighter but at least he didn’t hang up

“So…uh…how was Sam?” he asked tentatively

“You sure you wanna know?” Bobby growled

“Yeah I do.”

“Well how do you think he is, heading cross country on his own.” Bobby snapped before sighing and relenting, “Always was an independent little tyke, only person he would let help him was Dean and same now. Wouldn’t let me go with him.”

“Was he happy? Excited to be going?”

“Honestly I don’t know. Kid hardly talked to me for the last couple of months. Had to go check a couple of times just to make sure he was still here.”

“I thought he’d be a babbling idiot. I know he was keen to go; hell he couldn’t turn his back on us fast enough.”

“Not you, you moron. He turned his back on the hunting life not on you. He wanted to go to college and you kicked him out John, what’d you think would happen?”

“Honestly I don’t know. He and Dean were joined at the hip, I just kept expecting him to show back up again.”

“How’s Dean?”

“A fucked up mess. It’s taking all my energy to keep him alive at the moment, it’s like he’s got a death wish.”

“I wish I knew what happened between those two kids when Dean was here. Must have been the fight of all fights to have this impact. What’s he saying?”

“Nothing. We were never good at the talking and now when I try he slams doors in my face or buries himself in a bottle. Well thanks Bobby.”

“Yeah, keep you boys safe ya hear.”

***

It had been a week since John had announced Sam had left for Stanford and Dean was getting an itch in his feet. They had just finished this hunt, were packing up and then what? Dean needed to keep moving, keep busy. When they stopped his brain went into overdrive and it wasn’t good. He made a spur of the minute decision

“Dad I’m going for a drive.” He said as he grabbed his duffel and went outside to throw it in the trunk.

“Where?” John asked when he came back in

“Don’t know.” Dean muttered as he patted his pockets making sure he had his wallet, keys, phone and gun

“Where do you wanna meet?”

“Don’t know.” He said as he headed towards the door

“Dean….”

“I’ll call you.” He said just before he slammed the door closed

 

Dean drove and drove and although he would say he didn’t have a destination in mind the Impala knew which direction it was heading in.

 

***

Sam flopped down on his tiny little piss ass bed in the scholarship dorm and sighed. In theory he was settled. He had his schedule and his text books. He had cased out the whole campus knew what was where, knew the quickest and safest escape routes should something go down and in the process had even found a haunting. Bobby sent someone around to take care of that. .  He had salt around his windows and protective sigils on his walls, his knife was under his pillow and his gun was under the mattress. He had got himself a job at a little hole in the wall bar, set up by his boss at the other Road House. Again someone who doesn’t quite question the authenticity of his I.D and his boss had raved about how good a worker he was.

He had started attending classes and had even attended a couple social mixes to start to meet people. It wasn’t like how they used to live where they were only in town for days or weeks so didn’t draw attention to themselves. Sam was going to be living here and with these people for years. He was going to have to learn how to just relax and chill out around people without having to worry about every word he said.

If anyone asked, he would say he was settled and enjoying life and unless they looked too closely at his face they would believe him. But if they did look closely they would see the shadows under his eyes, the tightness of his mouth and the fact that his smile never went all the way up to his eyes. He was settled but he was not happy, there was only one person who could make him happy, the person he had grown up right next to for his entire life. The person who he knew almost better than himself.

He was angry at himself now. He should have shut his mouth, he should not have got drunk, sucked on his brother’s finger and thrown them down the immoral path of incestual sex. He should have shut his mouth and suffered in silence until we was able to flee to college. That relationship, that sex, had been hot and intense and perfect but it had ended as quickly as it started and now he had nothing. Was left with nothing. No brother, no best friend, no one, just him and it hurt his chest every god damn day to think of what he had lost by being selfish and just taking. Dean had been right they shouldn’t have done it. Sam had ruined everything.

***

Sam was walking across campus by himself when he stopped dead. He listened and was sure he could hear the Impala. He had thought that a few times since getting here, wishful thinking, but now he was sure he could hear the echo of the engine through the streets.

That night as he left the bar to walk back to campus, Dean’s knife in his jacket pocket for protection, he could feel his presence. He knew he was close; his skin was rippling and his hairs were standing on end. Sam turned so his back was against a wall and looked a full circle but nothing. He knew though, he just knew so he went back into the bar, having been taught never to hang around in a dark street by himself. Don’t know who or what could take you; and pulled out his phone…

_I know you’re here._

_I know you know I love you the same way I know you love me_

_I also know why you did what you did._

_I’m not happy about the way you did it but I know you enough to know you don’t do goodbyes._

“Yo Sam didn’t see you come back in.” the bar tender said as he put a whiskey in front of him

“Just needed some light to send a message man, but thanks” he said pushing the drink away

“Oh that’s not from me.” The guy smiled before walking off and Sam’s eyes flashed around the room until they lit on a single figure in a dark corner holding his phone and drinking from a beer bottle. As soon as he tipped his head back to swallow Sam was up and out of his chair.

Sam raced to the back of the room, threw himself into the dark corner and against the hard body leaning there. No words were spoken as Sam opened his mouth and devoured the lips that were waiting and so eager to let him in. He sucked and bit and licked into his brother’s mouth as he tried to desperately inhale and absorb his essence. Dean growled low in his throat before dropping his beer bottle and gripping his hands onto Sam’s hips, pulling him in close and against his straining cock. After what felt like forever but nowhere near long enough they finally had to pull apart to inhale much needed oxygen

“Come on.” Dean growled and grabbed Sam’s hand before leading him out the bar.

Once outside Dean pushed his baby brother up against a wall and started licking into him again, deep and dirty as his hands slid into Sam’s tight jeans to grip his ass. Sam moaned and stepped forward, putting one knee between Dean’s legs to get even closer, pushing himself against Dean’s groin. Dean groaned and pulled away again, fuck he was going to come in the middle of the street, fully dressed, like a twelve year if he wasn’t careful. He pulled his hands off his brother’s ass and grabbed his hand, silently leading him to the Impala. Dean had found a dark alley to hide her in so all he did now was pull open the back door and push Sam in before climbing in on top of him.

“Hi.” He purred

“Hi right back at you.” Sam smiled, a full smile, a smile that hadn’t seen the sun for months, “Fuck I missed you.”

“I’m hearing ya baby brother.” Dean muttered as he put his hands under Sam’s shirt and pulled it off.

“What are you doing here?” Sam asked as he unzipped his jeans and then dealt with his brother’s denim

“I ran away.”

“What?” Sam gasped and pulled back from Dean’s mouth on his throat to look him in the eyes.

Sam looked at Dean and his heart broke as he realised that Dean had probably been going through the exact same thing as he had for the last months. It was dark in the alley but Sam could see his pale skin, shadows under his eyes, hair in bad need of cutting and facial hair that was way beyond stubble although it was hot and Sam couldn’t wait to feel it on his body.

“You heard me.”

“What did dad say?” Sam gasped as Dean licked into his ear before nibbling on his lobe.

“Don’t know, don’t care. Just had to get to you Sammy, just had to see you one more time.”

“One more time? What’s that supposed to mean?” Sam gasped as Dean licked down his neck before biting on his clavicle.

“You’re in college now, starting a whole new life, probably going to get yourself a girlfriend or a boyfriend, you know, whatever.”

“And you’re ok with that?”

“Oh hell no but I don’t got a choice do I?” Dean growled as he licked down Sam’s chest

“So why are you here?”

“To say goodbye properly, the way I should have back then if I hadn’t been so gutless.”

“I didn’t want that to be goodbye Dean, I don’t want this to be goodbye.”

“We’ve already discussed this, I can’t put my life on hold for you and you can’t put your life on hold for me. You’re going to college now Sam which is a completely different world to the one I live in.”

“But Dean…”

“Sam you were right in that message I do…you know…”

“No, what Dean?” Sam looked at him innocently

“Come on man don’t make me say it.”

“I don’t even know what you’re trying to or not to say.” Sam shrugged

“I fucking love you ok, happy now?”

“Yep.” Sam said with a smile

“Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

“Anyway I…you know…enough to know that I have to let you go and live this life.”

“Dean I could get an apartment, you could make this, me, home base. Keep doing what you’re doing with dad but come back to me in between.”

“Sam you know there is no in between. Hell Bobby’s was kinda like home base and how often were we there? I saw the place more in the time you lived there then I did in the five years before that. We don’t have home bases Sam we just keep on moving from hunt to hunt.”

“Yeah I know.” Sam sighed and they were silent for a beat, “Well guess there’s only one thing to do”

“What’s that?”

“Fuck me like there’s no tomorrow.” Sam said as he slid his hand into his brother’s jeans, freeing his cock before stroking it long and hard, feeling pre come drizzle out with each stroke.

“Fuck Sammy.” Dean growled and quickly returned the favour to Sam’s cock

As much as Sam was frantic in trying to touch every part of Dean and get him inside him as quickly as possible Dean was taking his time, savouring every lick, taste, stroke and sound that came out of Sam, knowing that this was it.

He finally slowly slid into Sam’s heat, gritting his teeth as his baby brother muttered suggestions and encouragement and it wasn’t long before both of them were unloading together.

Dean lay there silently, half on top of his brother, running his hands through his hair while Sam lay there stroking his brother’s facial hair, not quite a beard but close.

“I gotta early lecture tomorrow, come back to the dorm with me?”

“Nah I can’t Sammy, I gotta go find dad.”

“And get your ass kicked”

“Yeah and get my ass kicked”

“Be careful Dean and promise me you’ll keep in touch, just so I know everything’s ok.”

“And you do what you promised Sam, just chill out a bit.”

Dean climbed out of the car and pulled Sam out

“Come on I’ll drive you back.”

“Nah let’s not draw this out.” Sam said and pulled Dean in close, taking his lips again for one final kiss, “Remember I love you.”

“Yeah me too.”

Dean climbed into the car and Sam stood there, watching as the tail lights disappeared into the distance before walking back to the dorm with a number of tears rolling down his face.

 

EPILOGUE TBC


	22. Chapter 22

EPILOGUE

 

Six months later Dean did a drive by on Stanford, he saw Sam in a group of people laughing and joking.  He looked good, he had bulked up, he had a girl on his arm and he was dressed like all the college students, didn’t look like he was carrying a weapon of any sort at all which worried Dean but hey Sam had been trained well he knew how to look after himself and anyone else that may come along.

***

Another six months and Dean did another drive by. He and Sam had stopped texting or phoning months ago, after the conversations got halted and awkward, they had nothing in common anymore.

He learned Sam had moved out of the dorm and was now in an apartment with a blonde girl. He had snuck into the bar where Sam was still working to make sure he was ok. He also broke into Sam’s apartment just to make sure he was fully protected. He had salt, he had sigils and Dean knew the kid enough to know where to look to find his gun and his, Dean’s, knife. His apartment was easy to break into for humans but anything else would have a hard time getting over the threshold, he vaguely wondered if the blonde knew about all the protective wards scattered around.

***

Sam finally got the hang of college life. I mean he still wasn’t the life of the party, you would never find him doing beer pong or smoking anything illegal, but he had done what he promised Dean he would do and was chilling out. He had study groups but he also had social groups and had joined a wrestling team and martial arts club to keep his skills up to scratch and he had met Jess early on and she had brought him out of his shell.

It had taken some months to get over nightmares caused by anxiety. And even longer to not be suspicious if someone looked at him too long or if he thought someone was following him but he was now living the normal life he had always craved.

The only downfall in all this was the loss of his relationship with his brother. They had tried, both of them had, messaging or ringing when able but they just sort of stopped when they realised they had nothing to talk to each other about. Dean and John were hunting monsters Sam had never even heard of so he had no useful information. He had mentioned Jess to Dean but Dean changed the topic pretty quick and not long after Dean had cut a call short and Sam had heard a woman in the background.

They had both known it was going to happen no matter how hard they tried they had known they would drift apart.

It had been two years, with Jess by his side he was doing well academically and socially and she had even convinced him to try for a full scholarship in law. He had submitted his application and was just waiting. She had his back with everything that went on in his life, she never mentioned the photo of Dean Sam kept on his bed side table, she never commented when he woke up in a panicked sweat, just shushed him back to sleep and she was tolerant of the salt and sigils around the apartment. She had no idea what it was for, thought it was some weird superstitious ritual but still let him do it. He had the job at the bar still, was saving money frantically and had his eye on a small and tasteful diamond ring. Every now and then he thought of ringing Dean or dad or even Bobby to share what was potentially a huge step in his life but he knew it would just bring Bobby or John down since both of them had lost their wives and Dean would probably make some stupid red neck comment about buying the cow if he was already getting the milk for free.

Right at this minute life was good and Sam smiled as he spooned Jess and kissed her temple

***

Sam opened his eyes wondering what had woken him in the middle of the night and while he lay there he heard the noise again, someone was actually trying to break into their apartment, were they fucking kidding. Automatically his training kicked in, all he could think was that he had to protect Jess and this guy was a bloody idiot to try this with him. His knife and gun were tucked away so he knew he couldn’t go for them but he still had the skills and training to take this idiot with his bare hands.

He pulled the bedroom door closed silently and snuck out in time to see the intruder walk past a door, he took a short cut through the room and came up behind him, going in for the surprise attack, using his martial arts skills to take him down.

Two things happened, Sam realised quite quickly that while the intruder didn’t have the skills he had he certainly had defence and fight training also and he had more weight and roughness behind him to play dirty and win this fight and secondly Sam’s body was responding in a way that Sam vaguely remembered but didn’t know why. He skin got goose bumps, his hairs were standing on end and although he felt like he was putting in a lot of effort his body seemed to be holding back from really damaging this person. Then he hit the ground…

“Easy tiger.” His brother purred in a low rumble with a pat on the shoulder and Sam now knew why his body had held back, it knew instinctively not to hurt this person, his first love.

“Dean?” he yelped, “You scared the crap out of me.”

“That’s cause you’re out of practice.” And Sam showed him how not out of practice he was now he knew who he was fighting. “Or not, get off me.”

Jess came into the room and Sam carried out introductions, protective of Jess with the way Dean was looking at her and yet a small part of him wishing Dean would look at him that way again.

“What are you doing here Dean?”

“Dad’s been on a hunting trip and hasn’t been home in a few days”

Sam put up a fight, he really did, but the adrenalin pumping through his body as he climbed into the Impala was exhilarating and he hated himself for getting hard when Dean climbed in beside him.

He loved Jess, he wanted to marry Jess and be with her for the rest of his life but he still reacted to his brother, to the connection they had as both lovers and brothers. As Dean turned the key he turned his head to look deep into Sam’s eyes and Sam could see the same emotions churning through him.

He took a deep breath to calm his body down, gritted his teeth and reminded himself that this was just for a weekend. He could handle the temptation that was his brother for just a weekend.

 

And so it begins...

 

FIN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone - if you've enjoyed this story - and it is a little hard to tell - I have written some other stories if you're interested. They are mainly J2. This was my first attempt at Wincest. If you are interested look me up ;)


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